okay i have NO clue how go get my page layout the way i want it!!!

you have to be a nuclear physicist or something to figure this shit out. i have messed w/EVERY setting on here for HOURS and can't get it set up how i want it. :(
then my buddy myke comes along, makes a blog outta nowhere and looks like his page is vogue.com or something. wtf?

does ANYONE know how to advise me? i want my blog TITLES listing on the right side of the page, like they used to be and listed by title, not by the "labels" that i put in there w/out any thought. it's so random and lame. sigh. i really don't wanna plow through all the so called options again and i'm a great computer chick! i have taught myself and others the most complicated programs w/no help whatsoever, but blogger is just too much for me for some reason.

oops, i started a blog the other night on the crazy masked man on the bachelorette and yet i went off elsewhere, here it is

Ahhhh, where to start here? Don't worry I will get to Mr. Mask.
First off, let me apologize for getting sucked into these tripe-y shows.  Yeah I realize a lot of people love them, watch them (hell I'm watching right?) and LIVE for this shit and I'll admit, I get sucked in too, but maybe I'm more judgmental while watching it or it's like a science experiment for me? Yeah, that is it, I'm curious. Who are these people, what are they gonna do or say or how will they act. It's just more "relationship" fodder for me, so yes I find it interesting.
Maybe I'm being a snob, trying to announce that I'm above this "tripe" or whatever, maybe I think I am? No, I don't think I'm above it, but i DO know that I would never ever ever go on ANY type of show like that or any show period. I have never been the fame whore type or the "hey look at me" type or the type sooo desperate for love that I would go on some unrealistic TV show. I'm not saying it's a setup (though sometimes I wonder), they claim it's not, it's just entirely unrealistic to think that out of 20 (??) or whatever women/men that in that group there would just HAPPEN to be the one for you.  But then again, I have thoughts about how anyone could be the one for someone, it just depends on the open-mindedness of both parties. Think about that.....couldn't anyone be "the one" for anyone else? If forced together, got to know each other, whatever. Spend enough time w/anyone and won't they grow on you? I mean the odds are good, but my point w/this situation is that it IS for TV, a lot of the stuff is staged, but beyond that, let's say it's all organic, you still are spending such a short amount of time w/the people, even when it gets down to a few, but WORSE, you are having these fantasy dates, these fantasy lives (wait, didn't i cover all of this in a bachelor blog? ahhhh, i bet i did!), you are not living your real lives, working your jobs, dealing w/stress (except for who you like or don't, if you're gonna stay or go), you are going to places and doing things that are dreams coming true type deals, it's a fantasy. So even if you did by chance "fall in love" or even infatuation w/this person what happens when the show is over?
Then there comes the worst part of all. You are separated for months, are allowed some secret meetings, how is your new love supposed to withstand that? Hell, it can barely withstand seeing each other everyday. Then you have to watch the show and see everyone else he/she made out with, claimed to be all into, get all jealous, all insecure and THEN (ominous music here) you live in 2 completely different states, completely different lives and are back to reality. Work, bills, stress, LIFE and then you're supposed to move or travel back and forth, have a long distance relationship. It takes a lot of balls, sincerity and fortitude to keep that up. Sadly I don't think that many people possess those things in abundance. Even if they were ALL into that person, once reality comes back, the separation comes along, some other girl/guy hits on them, they start thinking about things they don't like, whatever the case may be. Hell something shiny might float by and they are already distracted, already one foot out the door.
What is that made up word or phrase? Stick-to-it-ness. Something like that. Who has that in this day and age? Everyone is ALWAYS ready to move on. Move on, move on. To what? To some invisible thing that they just THINK exists? To some person they THINK is great, for the moment? Back to their alone time, their solitude, just later to complain again about being lonely and not having anyone? Ready to later think "man i really screwed that up, what was I thinking?", once they are older or see that their options aren't limitless or that THEY were the nut in the "bad" relationship, OR they "wake up" too old, too set in their ways, all options are gone and then they are really screwed, the ship has sailed, because they didnt' have the character, the fortitude, the balls, the desire, the anything to work out TRIFLING issues. Things that were nothing, not even real problems. Just problems in their minds or problems w/their egos (same thing kinda sorta but not), problems w/wanting to be right, problems w/wanting to be a control freak, problems w/commitment, w/attention span, so they decided something was too much, too hard, not right, not meant to be (all said in quotations),etc. when it all could have been right, good, fulfilling and everything great but they blew it, for stupid ass or even nonexistent reasons.
Now THAT is so silly to me. No, I'm not referring to people who know right off the bat, instantaneously that someone is not right for them, they aren't attracted in the least, are completely and offensively different, don't even like each other, there is no way in hell these people would work out for them, but that is rare right? Usually it's just our snobbery dictating those things. What I AM referring to here is people who DID like each other, who did connect, who WERE attracted and had a mind connection as well, things in common, everything working for them and THEN they decided for some random reason "nah, I don't feel like it anymore, I wanna go back to my shitty lonely, boring life where I can always be right". So right yet so alone.  Trust me, I've been there, I've picked apart people out of fear, of commitment, insecurity, immaturity, you name it, I've found a million reasons right off the bat about how and why I cannot be w/that person for any length of time, ah but then you add in the physical connection and if THAT is good, you can REALLY overlook a multitude of sins. Yes, you DO need a physical connection but that is just a distraction to what is really there, especially if you start that too early on, as most do, as we all do, as too many do? If you really wanted to find out if someone was right for you (hormones aside) you would WAIT, until you knew you really liked them as a person. Wow, I say "really" a lot don't I?
But I'm not speaking of sex here or chemistry or physical connection, (that's a different topic that I could write pages and pages about, but for a different time and place, only is a tiny part of what I'm referring to now), sure it's important but the other is far more important, no matter how sexual of a person you are (and trust me I am one, but I made a choice a couple of years ago to let my brain and heart do the deciding for me instead of my body and it was a good choice).
What I am speaking of here is blown opportunities, throwing things away over nothing. And i DO mean nothing. I have seen, heard about, watched AND experienced this myself a million times (all those combined, for the "million"). Oh sure the "reasons" are fantastic at the time and VERY logical, but what do those reasons tell you six months from now? A year from now? Five years from now? When you are STILL alone (or worse, still repeating your shitty patterns. A few months here, a few months there and then suddenly discovering or letting the bad things calculate into a laundry list that you use as proof to yourself on how it WON'T work), so what then? Are your reasons and your ego and your bullshit holding you when you sleep at night? Talking to you after work? Will they hold your hand when you die? Will they remember you? And if they do, will they remember you as anything more than a deceiver? Someone who put on an act to "get" you and then switched it all up, when the real person you were came out? But let's say that you or that other party already KNEW and experienced all or many of your flaws? And that you were already ready and willing to deal with, overlook, live w/those flaws: EVERYONE has flaws the last time I checked. You should be w/the person(s) who's flaws you can live w/the most, but that's all a matter of choice as well right?
You CHOOSE how you look at those flaws, those things you don't like, you choose to make them a huge deal, you choose to react to them, you choose every single thing about how you deal w/them AND w/the person, and same goes for them. So you are choosing the bad road. Why?? "I will purposely fuck this up and CHOOSE to look at things in a bad light because I'm"......(insert word or should I say excuses) "an asshole", "immature", "a control freak", "a superior prick (man or woman applies) OR because of my own issues. "I am insecure", "I will be derisive to anyone who has the bad taste to like or love me", "I need more from them" (but I won't ask), "I need less from them" (but I won't tell). Oh it all just goes on and on, a neverending, catch 22 loop of disastrous choices and decisions.

People looking for perfection (whatever that means, though everyone would deny that, it's bullshit, they are. they're own version of perfection) are crazy. I don't mean mentally ill, just delusional, meaning living in a fantasy land as far as this topic is concerned. They will NEVER find what they are looking for. There are no guarantees for anything. There are no guarantees that ANY of us will even be here on earth for another day, another week, another year. So in the big picture, isn't it worth it? To take that jump, that leap? To live for today. The greater the risk, the greater the reward right? So what if it doesn't work out forever, for ALL of eternity? So what? Does anything? So what is the fallout? You are more hurt, more disillusioned? You experienced a million great things that you otherwise wouldn't have? and see THAT is another lie....."better to end it now before we get too deep into this thing and then really get hurt".  REALLY??? That is the better idea? To not experience great fun, great bonding, great passion, great everything, even great arguments, great LEARNING about our own flaws, great experiences in learning what works, what doesn't, learning HOW to be a great communicator, or a better one? Yeah, sounds much better to cut it short and never really experience anything then to actually experience ANYTHING!!! Really?? Seriously?? THAT is the better option? That sounds nuts to me (and that's coming from a girl who has mostly been scared shitless of men and commitment, since her HIDEOUS marriage when she was 19 to 20 something, but I still never gave up hope, thoughts for the future, when I was healed enough. And finally I got there). So yes, i AM willing to try and to fight for something good, for great experiences, bad and good, because it's better than fighting for nothing. Flat out nothing.

My personal fav is people who "end" something, something REAL (or that was supposedly real) via the most impersonal, clinical means possible. You saw, spoke to, were involved w/this person for however long and they (or you! and shame on you if you've done this) and this person was MEANINGFUL to you, you cared about this person to whatever extent and how is all of this intimate, bonding contact ended?? Through a text message, through an email, through a post it note (that's courtesy of "sex and the city"), through a voice mail.
WTF, again WTF!!!!! is THAT??? Seriously??? You don't even have the courtesy, the character, the BALLS, the fucking manners, a heart in your chest and a brain in your head to even TELL the person face to face?? Or even ear to ear?? Talk about insulting. That is about as low as you can get, oh and god forbid you dare FIND that offensive, what is wrong w/YOU to think that is highly insulting, hurtful, MEAN and downright the epitome of having not one once of class or even empathy. Yes, I know, it's the "easy" way out, that way you don't have to "man up" or have an actual conversation about it, or explain anything or dread of dreads actually DEAL w/something "yucky" that you're not (or never have been) in the mood for. What kind of person does things like that? A VERY selfish person.

I watched this really great and funny documentary a week or so ago this British guy did on his failed love life. He was in his 30's, alone, a loser and wondering where he went wrong. Yes, it was tongue in cheek and funny as hell but also true and accurate. As I said, a documentary.   The guy was a self proclaimed loser and all of the ex's complained that he was a loser, his mom said he was a loser, so I'M not labeling him a loser to be clear. He/they said he never had a job, a car, money......was 2 hrs late for everything he did, lied, didn't stick to his word, (hey isn't that most people? haha). extremely lazy, extremely irresponsible, shit his mom (whom he still lived above in his 30's) was still the only person (himself included), who did his laundry, cleaned his disgusting place, his hygiene was BAD!!! He always looked smelly and dirty, didn't even own a hairbrush, you get the idea. Just trying to paint the picture for you, that watching it painted for me. He made a list of all of his women/girls that he had any type of relationship with, that was of any consequence in his life and set out to interview them all. to be continued.....have to go to bed, praying they saved this, i hit save like 20 times.
shit! i didn't even get to the point or the topic, so i will post this and continue in another blog, it's been sitting here for days now. ciao

Mother of Arnold Schwarzenegger's Love Child, cheating, men's taste in women,....

Mother of Arnold Schwarzenegger's Love Child Revealed - ABC News

this is a continuation of a comment i was posting on a friend's post on facebook, re schwarzenegger, she said....."Proof you don't have to be a skinny beauty to have an affair w/a movie star or politician. If I knew what I know now, I never would have let my weight hold me back. OMG. Movies lie to us. The other woman is not always young and pretty. I don't wanna be mean to this woman, but we women are being fed lies. I wonder what she did? I want her secrets. Not to snag Arnold, but I'm very curious. What say you

this is what i posted on her comment (and now am adding to it)....

it never surprised me in the least what she looked like. for one, remember what maria looked like when they married? she was chubby. she has gotten very thin and angular since, & also those kennedy's don't age very well in the face. they get especially wrinkled, probably all that time in the sun w/their football games or something. :P besides that, european men (and most men, MEN not boys, but then aren't men always boys? & some boys are more men than actual man, but that's another topic) prefer curvy women. women who LOOK like women and FEEL like women, who's bodies are DIFFERENT from their own. what man (straight man) wants to look at and feel a body that is just like his own? another narcissist? the ones who don't have been brainwashed by the media. YES there are men who prefer very thin women, or petite women, that is a preference for whatever reason but usually there is a reason BEHIND that reason, he wasn't just "born that way". it's not a man's natural reaction to want a woman shaped like a 12 yr old vietnamese boy, that is media and the man's own insecurity or wanting to feel like a "big man" AND to also be perceived a certain way in public, "look at who's on MY arm", a trophy, a prize, in his eyes. look i have this tiny rail thin girl next to me, see how big and strong i am? then again beauty IS in the eye of the beholder. one mans "hot chick" is ugly to another man and so on. for example: i think sarah jessica parker is not your classic beauty, but i think she is very attractive, she has a great smile, hair, great body, etc. but i swear to god, EVERY man i have ever heard mention her thinks she is GROSS!! thinks her legs are bony and disgusting, that she has a horse face, that her nose is too big, that she looks like a witch, that she is scrawny, on and on and on. one man told me to look at her knees, that she had the knobbiest and ugliest knees he had EVER seen in his life!! wow. i had never even noticed her knees! haha. yet robert downey jr (that YUMMY man!) was w/her for yrs and yrs, back when ben stiller had his show, he had a HUGE crush on her, and matthew broderick married her, so there are men out there who find her extremely attractive. 3rd and more importantly cheating is NEVER about the way a woman looks (unless it IS back to that ego thing), it's always about the way the woman makes the man FEEL> she strokes his ego, makes him feel wonderful, happy, paid attention to, someone she looks up to and fawns over, he feels like a hero again, like the shit. THAT is the key to the entire thing.
women ALWAYS want to know that about the "other woman". is she prettier than me? younger? hotter? better in bed? what magic does she have? what does/did she do that i don't? generally she has NOTHING that you don't, she could very well be ugly, old, anything non "hot". it IS the way she makes him feel. that is the entire deal. hook, line and sinker (again like i said there are exceptions, when a guy has more options available, more ego to feed, etc etc). SHE makes him feel the way YOU used to make him feel. like he was so fascinating and smart and cool and interesting and irresistible. besides that, some people are just cheaters, no avoiding it i suppose. no self control or WANT of self control. i'm not pinning the finger on anyone here, men and women alike cheat, i'm not taking sides w/any sex.

i've also known (and known of) MANY men who secretly fucked (or used) large women, very large women. all the men in one particular town would line up for this one girl to give them blow jobs. she was a very pretty girl, but also very large, so it was NOT okay for them to use her around others (except the other men doing it), but to use her in secret or fuck her in secret, that was okay. so is a vagina just a vagina? any hole is a good place to put it? or did they really ENJOY the whole experience? did she feel GOOD to them in private? but they just wouldn't want it to be known that that was their experience? again, much of that goes back to "what will everyone think about this", instead of "i like who i like and fuck you if you don't respect my opinions and decisions". one person i know in particular fucked her on his own time, at his own place, then later told me about it and was all embarrassed. asked me if i was "disgusted" with him.

also to be totally honest here, people that are married or together for any length of time....a lot of the sex AND romance goes out of the equation. they are busy w/their lives, w/their children (if they have any), are old hat for each other, take each other for granted, don't make an effort to keep it exciting or fresh. AND a lot of women are no longer interested in sex anymore period. they never were, or they used to be but then they got caught up in other things and the man doesn't romance them or take the time to turn them on or sucks in bed, so they avoid it or suffer through it. a guy can sometimes think "dick hard, woman ready" when that's not the case at all. our BRAIN'S are our biggest sexual organs. secondly, kissing (one of my personal favs) is not only romantic (i wanna gag every time i say that word, i'm soo not the schmaltzy girl), it is CHEMICALLY essential!! omg i would NEVER want to be w/a man, nor have i been w/a man who didn't kiss me! no way jose. not only is it a warm up, a turn on and the appetizer to the whole shebang (no pun), as i said it is chemically necessary. you know how men tend to have bigger sex drives than women? they think about it every 30 seconds or something crazy like that, and women, oh god, forgot the stats on that but it's a lot less, well because they are FILLED w/testosterone and we are not. so when a man kisses us, we RECEIVE a testosterone boost through his saliva, which totally ups our turn on factor. so men who aren't kissing or who are treating your woman like a hooker, think about that the next time you wanna get some!!
i also know women who were soooo hot for sex prior to a long term relationship or even a marriage, and within a very short amount of time they thought of it as a chore. in most cases, i again think it's because the man makes little effort to romance the woman, or turn her on mentally OR physically. one couple i know, the man's idea of foreplay is walking by his wife in the morning, slapping his dick on her forehead as she sits in a chair eating breakfast and says "suck it" or announces out of nowhere "i'm horny" and suddenly she's supposed to leap up and become a porn star. but the women are to blame as well, how often are THEY trying to turn on their men, or keep it fresh? it takes effort on both sides.

like EVERYTHING worth anything in this life, it takes work, nurturing. would you buy a beautiful, rare, exotic plant and just sit it any old place and never water it or tend to it, or give it anything it needed and then be shocked when it died or didn't perform as you had hoped? no, i don't think so.

anyway, those are some of my thoughts on that particular topic. it's extremely late, so hopefully i made sense. off to bed.

the Bachelor....here i go again...

okay folks, as i admitted, i'm watching "the bachelor" and i have to say this guy IS a prince. he is what every woman wants (for the most part, meaning maybe he's not everyone's "type" or whatever. he's not really mine, for one). HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!! i just fucking ruined it for myself. i went to the bachelor page to insert a link here, as i've seen my friend do (i think that's how he did it?) and i scrolled down and saw who he picked! dammit dammit dammit!!!! i'm only halfway through my dvr'd episode. oh man oh man. i KNEW or thought i knew he was gonna pick that girl, i was sooooo sure of it, but of course the edit it in such a way that they confuse you. like w/Survivor or anything else "reality", they show you tidbits, perhaps out of context to make you think you were mistaken. so yeah i knew he was gonna pick that girl (who also btw is SUCH a lovely girl and i don't say this about people on TV or easily. i'm a hard case where that is concerned, but she is sooo sweet and kind and real and down to earth and not in the pretend way, you can tell or i can tell that she is, absolutely. so yeah i knew he was gonna pick her and yet i just ruined ANY surprise for myself. wahhhhh. (that's my lucille ball cry, for laughs, i don't honestly do that haha, can u imagine?)
oh well, c'est la vie. no undoing it. but i was watching it and him and he is just like a dream come true. gag i know. i DON'T say this stuff, i swear i don't, especially about tv men or reality shows, it takes a lot, but he is ALWAYS sweet, courteous, kind, protective (LOVE THAT. how many men do u find these days who give a flying fuck about even the woman they are in love with? well not a flying fuck, but really there, really in love w/her, real love, healthy love, would do anything for her love, as opposed to "well i'm still keeping my own bases covered here or yeah i'll treat her as well as i need to just to keep her in the picture". i LOVE emotion from guys, i love endearments (if u are the only one getting them and they are sincere), i love being told how someone feels about you.
okay before i start swooning and needing the smelling salts here haha, this guy is like perfect! and yet still human, still flawed, so not perfect, which makes him even more perfect. i love his manners above all, his honest compassion and concern, now THAT is truly attractive in a man. remember when men were men and women were women? not in sexist or repressed roles or ways, but how we genetically WERE meant to be. least those are my thoughts. i know many were learned and put upon us but they are also ingrained in us as well. men were hunters, women were homestead caretakers and caretakers in general. i'm a women's libber, all for women's rights, believe me but i'm old fashioned too and a romantic at heart though i mostly hide it.
enough about me, my intention was to say this guy IS amazing and i fully see how all of these women, or at least a few, have fallen for him (or did), and hard! he is a gem. one of a kind (so to speak) and he does ALL men proud, he really does. hell, if i were there, i would be falling for him too. big time. that's funny because i always joke about this type of thing and would never in a million years DREAM of going onto a reality show, let alone a dating one. dr. phil tried to get me onto one of his single's show, or his producer i should say and she was VERY persistent, they even were given great gifts, travel, etc. which she hinted at to me, but there is just no way in hell, i wouldn't do it. i would much rather fall in love or find a great guy organically. that has been one of my beefs w/this show and these types of shows. you are NOT living in reality. you are in an arranged environment, being filmed the entire time, everything is not organic, and worse than that (for the love odds) you are on a "vacation" though i know the filming can be grueling. you are hanging out in a mansion, you are traveling the world, you are going out on dream dates, the best dates of your life, which of course makes it conducive for ANYONE to "fall". there is no shitty date that some cheap, rude guy planned (no money is not a must in any way, it's thoughtfulness and effort, that's how i meant cheap), and then proceeded to be a jackass ON the date and then was all over you expecting to get something even though he couldn't be bothered to show you manners or even purchase you ONE drink! wtf is that?
so yeah, you are living in a fantasy land, doing things you've always dreamed of, in gorgeous locales, w/a gorgeous guy, in gorgeous clothes and makeup and settings, you are not going to your job, you are not paying your bills, you are cocooned from any troubles. so there's that. so yeah who wouldn't dig that? then on top of that, there are the simple odds...what ARE the odds of taking ANY man or woman, no matter how terrific they and their potential partners are....and bringing in 20 odd people or whatever the number is and out of EVERYONE in the world, on this earth, your match, your soul mate being amongst that small number of people? sure i know that anyone can fall for anyone, that IS possible. any one of us could spend great, wonderful time w/another person is similar settings and spend enough time that you DO care for them, even fall in love w/them. people in this world could be finding the "one" left and right. they really could. the thing that holds most back is their laundry list, their list of the "perfect" person, the impossible demands and fantasies, THAT is what stops it. she/he is not "hot" enough, she/he is not smart or funny enough, she/he is not geographically desirable (and here i mean the people who are DELUSIONAL and expecting someone to live w/in 5-10 miles of them. really?? if it were that easy, wouldn't all neighbors and semi neighbors be in love and hooking up? that one flabbergasts me. of course it would be ideal if we all found someone down the street or in our city, but really that's very unlikely), anyway, the unlive-up-able (sorry had to make up a word) laundry list. i've seen it, i've heard about it many many times and i've done it myself i'm sure.
sooo....i really did not intend on rambling here, once again i digressed. my point was and is that bachelor guy is an honest to god peach. he really is. a PEACH!!! any girl who gets him/has him is a lucky lady, but then now knowing who he chose, HE is a lucky man as well. but why wouldn't he be? a wonderful man of such character and integrity (and physical beauty as well, i will mention that) would of course basically only be w/someone with those same qualities.
oh wait, i will say that the one thing that niggles at me a bit about the girl he chose, the lovely, gorgeous, sweet emily (i think that's her name?) is that she IS 15 yrs younger than him, if i'm not mistaken, i don't like how they do that. the women are generally in their early 20's while the man is almost 40, though i'm not an ageist. anyway, as real and sweet as she is, it nags at my brain a bit that she not only appears to have capped teeth, but also a boob job. okay it's not my place to judge or to be disturbed by any of that. maybe she had a tragic boob removal accident? had to get some new ones. perhaps she was missing all of her teeth or they resembled a pirahna's? haha. doubtful, but u get my point. hey if someone is unhappy w/their physical makeup, any part of it, i'm all for changing it, improving it, hell we all know that plastic surgery has grown by huge leaps and bounds and continues to do so. the thing that does bother me about it is if she IS so real, so down to earth, why would she feel the need (at such a young age even?) to cap her teeth, to get fake boobs? she is stunningly beautiful and pretty much perfect regardless. maybe it was society as well that told her she wasn't perfect enough? that she needed god's teeth and fake boobs to really make the cut?
yes i've rambled. again, my point was, he really seems like a great and one of a kind guy and she does as well (woman, not guy) and i'm very happy for them and i hope it works out in the land of unreality and imperfection. no sarcasm, that was sincere. :)

uh oh, do i need to proofread this now? i just found a random "so as i was saying" hanging out below this, where did it come from? ahh, im' too tired, it's too late to proofread or edit anything. besides i don't even know if anyone ever even reads this stuff. so i'm not gonna do it.
ONE DAY MY PRINCE WILL COME.........(i think that's how the song goes? he doesn't need to be a prince though. he can rescue me AND i can rescue him. equals in our royalty. ;) maybe he already has come?? :)

 ps. side note to a friend on here; ahh i'm getting it myke!! i see how you got so fancy w/your page, i'm trying to learn from you, i hope you don't mind. that doesn't mean stealing or copying, i would never do that.

American Idol...yes I'll sheepishly admit that i've watched it :(

Okay so sue me, i love music, even listening to genres and styles and yes, god forbid...POP, because i love music that much. music makes me happy. music makes the world go around and even though american idol is soooo not my type of show of am i the type of person to tune into it, i have and i am, yes, i'm slightly embarrassed to admit it but i am. so...... i tuned into this season's american idol and it's different. there was all this hubbub about the new judges, once the others left and the panic that ensued, would it be the same, as "good" (debatable how good it's ever been, no offense, it's just so pop machine, which does make me cringe, though i can appreciate talent) as it was before, as big of a hit. hiring new judges, discarding them, would they be ready in time or ready at all? gasp, the world was waiting w/bated breath. haha i'm sure they were. no, i'm not putting people down who live for this shit, just acknowledging it.
anyway, i used to tune in here and there mostly for the entertainment value of the delusional people who were tone deaf or just flat out crazy (ah c'mon, the crazy ones are the best! like that black dude who was in his 60's or something, thought he was james brown, had NO clue even what show he was auditioning for and well, basically lost his mind or maybe was looking for it, knowing it was already gone? "i will take over the studios, i will be the amercia's next..." i was waiting for him to say top model. then he mentioned universal studios. haha, that was grand!), watching them audition, so yeah that's how and why i initially tuned in. oh that was fun, especially when they REALLY thought they were the shit and well, they were. meaning shit as in dookie and were honestly shocked to hear they weren't. did no one around them EVER tell them the truth or did everyone who ever heard them sing have no tone hearing capabilities either?
then they started showing less of the bad singers (maybe due to the chick who killed herself in front of paula abdul's house? i mean sad, yeah i get it and they don't want lawsuits, etc), but occasionally you still do get to appreciate some of the hideous, delusional singers.
so what i was getting to is that this season IS different, it's a much "happier" idol. not just because simon and his dry witticisms and harsh judgments are gone but because it seems like a love fest. maybe the new judges are just happier people in general? maybe they aren't yet worn out w/the job at this juncture? doesn't everyone start a job new and fresh and excited? besides, they are working like 4-6 hr days in general, not exactly in the ditches mind you. or maybe the talent IS better this year?
another thing i've noticed (seeing now the first 2 opening episodes of them ON the stage stage, the big too doo place) is that these contestants are waaaay more confident, way more prepared, way more entertaining, way more ON, so to speak. it seems gone are the days of the timid, bad, awkward, uncomfortable first performances. these people are like singers, real singers outta the gate. no, i'm not saying they are the shit per se, just saying they are way more professional. perhaps they are working w/them a lot more prior to the big stage appearances? remember when people used to whisper, mumble or just be bad singers or were such nervous wrecks (and who can blame them? i sure as hell would be!)?
oh yeah and as i was saying is the talent pool just better all around or is this team of judges just better choosers of talent and potential?
so far, out of the guys i like that blonde, bearded, BEAUTIFUL toned guy (i'm horrible w/names), i love love the tone of his voice, so soft, sweet, melodic. nice! oh then of course my FAV is the red bearded guy who plays the stand up bass along w/various other instruments. okay THAT guy has some real talent, some FLAVOR, some cojones, some fucking blues AND soul!! very fly for a white guy. haha. cheesy i know but i couldn't resist. yep, he's the shit and i hope he wins or at least gets some modicum of fame, recognition from the show. maybe better that he doesn't win, so he doesn't have to be cranked outta the pop machine contract and can do what HE wants as opposed to what the hit makers and powers that be decide.
as for the girls, i've always loved that 15 yr old blonde girl who can sing her butt off, she's southern, sang w/steven tyler a bit, yeah, she's groovy. oh and surprisingly the other 15 yr old girl, the asian girl, who just sang "out here on my own" of "fame" fame. the old "fame" the real "fame". which is unusual to me that no one has chosen that song before. irene cara sang the shit outta that song and it's so plaintive and beautiful. so yeah that asian girl came out and started acapella (sp?) and really surprised me. she was great. let's see who else? oh i was REALLY impressed w/that bette midler type girl (they called her that), she can sing her butt off as well. nice. she was fantastic.
as for the rest of the cast (i don't know who they've narrowed it down to yet), they are mostly throwaways in my opinion, just recycling bruno mars, mariah carey, alicia keys, usher, kelly clarkson and not even living up to the original version let alone making it better.
as simon WOULD have said: very karaoke, and i agree.
so yep, that is my opinion at this juncture and it probably will not change. each season that i've seen, from the get go i have decided who i liked, who i thought was good and there i stayed, unless someone surprised me, which i can't think of any instances, but i could be wrong. stranger things have been known to happen. haha. i'm kidding. :)

my book.....

As you can see people (if there are indeed any people reading this?), I don't blog too often. One, because no one is reading any of it, that I'm aware of at least. Two, because I write things elsewhere and should be writing only for my book.
I'm told I should blog some of the things from my book, but wouldn't that take away from my book? That is FOR my book! Not just some throw away blog deal that will or won't be read and even if it were, it would be redundant right?
Ahhh, I don't even know why I'm saying this. I guess I"m saying that i should blog more but I'm not blogging for myself only. There is no point in that.

the Bachelor...the TV show...ageism?

okay i'll admit it, i've tuned into that tripe here and there, in shock, awe and disbelief. i REALLY am curious to see who, what and why ANYONE would sign up for something like that. how anyone would be that desperate or stupid (or maybe i have it wrong? maybe they are brave and smart?) to go onto a reality TV show because they can't find a good man, or woman. i hear them on that count. that's for damn sure. "there are more fish in the sea". haha right, more screwed up, issue laden FUNKY fish that you don't want. so take your pick, which are the least dysfunctional, lame or asshole-ish.
omg and my FAV part of all is after each girl has spent exactly 30 seconds w/the guy and is already in "love", he is the one, she wants to marry him, is heartbroken if she is sent home. oh nooooooo, her dream man, her soul mate is now gone. their HUGE connection is over. it's ridiculous!!
anyway, the reason i was posting something about this is that the new one just started and i tuned in to a bit of it and noticed something SHOCKING!!! i don't know what to make of it....
okay in the past seasons, the snippets i've seen, anytime a girl/guy is speaking to the camera they list their name, occupation and AGE!!! this time, there is NO mention of age anywhere. so i was mulling it over. viewers/participants must have complained? i'll tell you this, any that i tuned into in the past, i noticed that EVERY time the guy picked the youngest women, the 21, 22 yr olds, etc. even if he's 35 or whatever. i think i blogged about this before? it's so funny to me, pick the youngest girl, she will be the "sweetest" the one w/the least life experience, the one w/the least "baggage", the one who possibly looks the best and once he gets past the physicality and all of that (that's assuming HE has any substance) he will then be not only bored out of his mind, but realize how incompatible they are, they then will split up (this is in life life too, not some lame reality show) and he will either learn better and do better, picking someone more his age or will repeat the same cycle w/another 21 yr old and once they break up, scratch his head and wonder why. where did it go wrong? haha.
i'm not proclaming to be some great mistake avoider, or wisest chooser in history and sometimes it takes me ages to learn from my mistakes but i don't make mistakes in that area. i would think that would be obvious to everyone? that someone 15 yrs or more your junior (IF they are in their 20's, after that decade i don't think it matters as much or at all) will NOT have the maturity, life experience or commonalities that we do need.
so back to that dreadful show....WHY are they going out of their way to now not list the woman's age???? there is SOMETHING TO IT!! i just don't know what. was the man or even the audience complaining or nitpicking that the guy is always choosing the youngest women??
did they actually get women over 30 for once and those women protested that they didn't want their age listed every time they spoke? that would be a shocker, people actually age appropriate, or more so anyway. ESPECIALLY in the entertainment industry, in hollywood, LA, whatever you want to call it. your expiration date comes very early. your fake boobs can and will outlast you.
what ever happened to valuing age and wisdom?? even valuing women past a certain age? they do in europe and in asia, africa as well. not so much in the US, especially LA and probably NY, FL, all of the "big" cities. that's too bad.

the hell that is LOL

okay, come on people. WHO invented "lol"? and worse, who ran w/it? are things literally THAT fucking funny that people are lol'ing every 2 seconds? i think it's the most inane asinine thing EVER. well, maybe not ever, but one of them.
i have friends who say lol at the end of every single sentence they type. "i'm going to the store lol" "what are you doing tonight lol"?
do they have any brain cells? are they mindless endlessly laughing hyenas that find every single thing hysterically funny? then the rofl, lmao, lmfao.
i seriously have NEVER used one of these abbreviations once. not once. from the first moment i saw lol, i thought "oh dear god, please no!" and it's irritated me because for one, you know it's not literal. as i said, what brainless ass is literally laughing aloud at the most inane stuff?
i swore to myself then and later that i would never use any of those terms. i also swore that i would never use ANY internet lingo or abbreviations but of course i do. hey, sometimes things just get to be too much to type and yeah, it's convenient.
so some of my friends and i (who also hate it) will say "lawl" to each other. phonetically saying it of course to make fun of it and when something is funny.
so yep, not diggin' the lol. never will.

staying up LATE!!

i didn't realize it was this late. my big day off, so i tell myself i should get rested to start work again and yet i also tell myself it's my time off so i should enjoy every second. so here u have me still up. i'm tired as fuck though.
omg check THIS out!!! i don't know if i've mentioned this but i HATE HATE HATE when people (well certain people) ask me why i'm up so late or "oh yeah you're always up late huh?" but it's NOT what they are saying or asking, it's HOW they are saying it. like it's an accusation.
like there was this one guy on myspace, some band guy who was always up late like me and would email me and it would only be 12 am, 1 am, 2 at the absolute max. i don't think 1am is all that friggin late do u? and EVERY fucking time he would mention me being up late and ask me what kind of drugs i was on. every time i'd be like i don't take drugs, i dont' even drink caffeine, i'm just a night person AND i start work late and stay working late and i get insomnia too. so i told him this over and over and over and over. at first nicely and then kind of defensively, because he continued to say it a million times and THEN i was offended because he was basically calling me a liar! HE was on drugs, not me! so i was insulted.
anyway, so i hate when people ask me in a shitty, accusatory type way why i'm up so late. anyone who says it nicely or whatever, i'm cool with. i guess it just boils down to manners or intention?
sooo.....this guy that i used to date, couple yrs back has gotten back in touch w/me recently and i guess i'm ok w/being his friend and only his friend. he is kind of an arrogant prick in some ways and he has not ONE reason to be like that. he's a big skinny dork and that's one reason i stopped seeing him. his bony body grossed me out, i didn't want to touch it or have it next to me or anything, even though HE thinks he's a sex machine.
oh so he called me again recently, it was like 1am and we talked til like 2 even though i didn't want to but i was being polite. anyway, this guy said something about "oh yeah u stay up late huh"? and i was like yeah but wtf HE is the one calling me at 1am!!! on a sunday night no less.
then he asked me in that weird accusatory way why i was up so late. like what does he think? that i'm fucking tweeking or something? seriously! wtf? so he asked why i was up so late and i said i work late. i sometimes don't get off til midnight or so, so it's only an hour after that so that's really not late for me is it?
but he continued to act like i was up sooooo late. he was up after all and he acted like it was 4 am or something. i said how many people do you know who get off work at 5 pm and run home and go to bed right away or even at 7pm? he's like "oh good point, i never thought of that". no shit sherlock. anyway it annoyed me.
i'm the most honest person there is and i volunteer all kinds of shit and if i was on speed or even drinking coffee or anything else to "be up so late" i'd say so! god. people can be sooo annoying sometimes!
oh oh that asshole on myspace that i mentioned i finally every time i saw HIM on late which was all the time, if it was after midnight, i'd write him and go "what are u doing up so late? put down the crack pipe" and shit like that. i just tortured him, in a funny way. he got ALL offended even though i know he does drugs. i mean he's a musician for one and there was stuff on his page and in his attitude that told me so. then i was sick of him and deleted him. haha. someone really has to be a total tool for me to delete them, i will put up w/a lot it seems

do the majority of people get into relationships out of FEAR???

do u need another person to be happy, meaning a significant other? u know i have many friends that got married or whatever and i would never want their relationships (but then i have friends or family in amazing, happy relationships too. not many but a few). they are miserable or fight all the time or mismatched. i think THAT is the reason that so many relationships don't last, because people get involved w/someone for all the wrong reasons....because they are needy/clingy/desperate, afraid of getting old, afraid to be alone, afraid their time is running out, afraid their looks are going, afraid they won't be able to have children if they want them, afraid they won't find someone "better", afraid they won't meet someone else...... wow, most of it boils down to fear huh? i was just realizing that as i was typing. wow, that's interesting now that i think of it. most of the women i know who got married it was for all of those reasons i listed. oh someone to take care of them, that too. that was a big one for a couple of them at least. some of them had lists of the things they wanted the guys to buy for/do for them. yeah i can think of 4 of my girl friends who had that, the want of someone to buy for them and take care of them, even if they had to trick the guy to get it. lame huh? sad, dishonest and very lame.
but then there is the other side of the coin people who are SO picky that their dream person simply doesn't exist. except in a actress or supermodel or goddess but then that's perception to some degree and more importantly someone they could never get! a guy dreaming over this perfect girl thinking some rich gorgeous model will be all in love w/him when he's a broke toad who lives w/his parents and doesn't have a job or whatever and yet somehow he thinks he deserves some amazing visage of womanhood. wtf is up w/that??
in line w/the above, another big mistake people make is going by attraction and attraction only. LUST!! or their physical "ideal". if he/she is super "hot" or fit what they want physically, that's good enough for them, they will overlook everything else, it doesn't matter if they have anything in common or a brain or are a good person or a good personality or much internal stuff, as long as they look good and of course that only lasts so long too. sure i'm generalizing here but i've seen it and heard about it countless times. i have a friend who's a bassist in a band, he's really talented actually. he's fairly young, great looking, super smart, funny, cool, etc and he is always telling me how he's w/some dumb blond for years and years because she (the current one) is "so hot" and that he doesn't get tired of looking at her, but he can't talk to them, they are stupid (according to him), they are boring and horrible in bed, they have nothing in common but he never gets tired of looking at them and that is why he stays. those are his exact words. he just has great sex on the side w/someone who's not super hot. secretly of course. sad huh?
(in response to a friend's email) off on a tangent again and i didnt' even answer your question. to answer it, it's a combination of things...i've dated a LOT, too much probably in the last 10 yrs or so when i decided i actually might like someone cool in my life, not even to get married or anything, just to spend time w/or maybe even a boyfriend and it just never worked out or worked out long enough. people weren't honest about who they were and more importantly HOW they were and yeah, some might say my standards are too high but they aren't. my standards are really simple.....things like honesty, a good person, really basic shit, but in this day and age i think i'm a throwback to another time. people being honest? being real? god forbid! they will just tell you whatever you want to hear to get whatever they want to get.
no i'm not bitter or a man hater or anything like that. i think men are great. i really do. there just aren't a lot of good ones out there so i'd rather go w/out than be w/someone who's not what i want or just to be w/someone, what's the point? people can be pretty damn happy when they are on their own. lonely doesn't come from being "alone". lonely is a whole different deal.
so yeah i keep myself happy. me, my friends, my family, my interests and yes, i'm busy too.
i'm a romantic too, believe it or not. i do (or want to) believe in "the one" or soul mates, i think we all probably have a few though. i do believe in that stuff. i do believe in everlasting (or close to it) love but i also know that love and relationships take work, it's not just a magically hormonal fairy tale where everything just falls into place and no one ever fights or works at it. in fact like they say, isn't anything worth having worth the effort it takes to have it? i would think so. i'm not talking drudgery. of course you should get far more pleasure from it than "work".
that's great that your friend's girl was there for him. i know that feeling, when you see someone being really great for their significant other or you see a really happy couple or you're at a wedding and you get all choked up thinking "ahh, wouldn't that be great if i had that too?". so yeah, i believe in love, i believe in romance and all of that good stuff and i've had it. i've been pretty lucky, it's just been awhile and i hope to have it again someday. :)
and yo'ure right, you're VERY young, you shouldn't be all tied down, you should be having fun and doing what you want. that doesnt' mean be a big player and become a serial dater or whatever. still respect women and treat them right and be honest w/them and everything else. it's good practice.
haha i heard a story once about a guy who totally used and lied to a woman and moved on of course then years later he was going for this job he wanted desperately, his dream job....and turned out SHE was going to be his boss and was the one who had the decision of hiring him or not. needless to say he had burned his bridge long ago. you never know when shit will bite you in the ass.
i guess that's karma in action right there? oooh and another thing, i've had a number of guy friends who would use women and lie to them and all of that, being like "oh she knows what the deal is, i don't need to tell her" and not feeling guilty or badly in the least. THEN would come the magical day when they would meet "the one" and would be all smitten and ready to now be a good guy no matter what and the woman wanted nothing to do w/them and they were all crushed and crying about how and why didnt' she like them and how horrible it was to wait on her phone calls or wonder what she was up to and how could she lead him on, etc. etc. and i was thinking "but you never had compassion for all the girls you did that to without a thought?". karma again? i would think so.
i've gotten to the point that all of that shit: meeting, talking (if you're lucky), dating, getting to know someone, seeing if you like each other.....blah blah blah blah, has just not been worth it to me for awhile now. it seems pointless or fruitless i guess. i wish you could just hand out a resume or something or a list and ask each other if they fit it and if not just move on quickly, it always seems to turn out to be the same story or another disappointment, so i figure when/if a guy likes me he can do something about it. key word: DO!!
our current society of men has gotten sooooooo bloody lazy. they expect everything to be instant, to be handed to them, w/little or no effort. they want to text a booty call and have YOU come over even. they can't be bothered to even call or ask you out or offer to come to you or anything else, and noooo, i don't do that and yes, i DO blame women too for putting up w/so little effort that men think it's okay to behave that way, because they get away w/it. it's sad. i miss when a man was a man, but maybe i didn't even live in that era? now men want women to earn at least half of the money AND wait on them AND be their delivery girl and their instant sex girl and worship them and everything else. you sign online and instantly people are im'ing you asking if you're horny or do you have a webcam, it's offensive. without even saying hello, asking how you are or even pretending to be interested in your mind or anything else. they don't seem to give a shit about you. well seem is a bad word, of course they don't give a shit about you, they make it abundantly clear what their interests are. so 3 steps forward and 2 steps back as far as technology goes. we are more "connected" yet more separate than ever. i'm not saying that men should blindly worship women, which is more the way it used to be or maybe i'm mistaken on that?
i don't know......it's just difficult i guess. :)
but they way we are built an element of that does work and does help. men are supposed to make women feel good and vice versa but we each have very different needs.