back to the weird masked man.....

i got sidetracked and caught up in some other topics the other night, as i tend to do and went on a tirade about that and completely forgot about poor, weird masked man guy.
weird masked guy... .
okay when he first got there, i assumed it was a gimmick (read my other blog re these shows, it's just fodder, something funny to talk about for the most part), that he wanted to stand out.
then he never took off the mask. still hasn't, though he ALMOST did the other night. (i was wondering if THAT was a set up by the producers, the whole almost part. aw shucks, RIGHT as he was removing it, he was interrupted! anything for ratings right?) trust me, i am the biggest believer in individuality, i really am, i hate that shit about everyone wanting to look like everyone else or following styles, trends, gotta keep up w/the joneses. everyone wanting the same hair, the same clothes, the same whatever. i prefer something that only I have! one of a kind or very few of a kind.
it's just sheep stuff, as far as i'm concerned. sure, i guess we all are subconsciously influenced by things but i'm speaking about the people who CONSCIOUSLY try to stay on trend. it's beyond trends but i can't think of the words i need right now. example; the oscars, awards shows, how people TEAR people apart for not wearing something THEY think is wonderful, fabulous, perfect, whatever. how there is some level of expectation. people used to wear JEANS to those things, now it's a fucking fashion show.
i'm not dogging people who watch that stuff to see what people are wearing, i DO like clothes, fashion, my own idea of it. what i like, what i think is pretty, cool, interesting, not what i'm TOLD to like or what everyone else is wearing or what a magazine says. i used to be quite the fashion plate. i mean i'm not a slob now, but  man the effort i used to put in as a teenager, from then on too but to a much lesser degree, but even then it was MY idea of what i thought looked good.
i prefer individuality. yes, i understand and agree w/the concept of people looking their best, but it's THEIR best, not YOUR best, meaning what is their concept of their best. like bjork for example. the famous swan dress. i think that is cool! sure the dress is ugly as shit, i wouldn't wear it but i appreciated the fact that she was expressing herself and not towing the line and following what some stylist told her to wear.
also take a good look at a million runway shows, have you seen some of the shit on there that passes for fashion? same thing w/art. there are some horror shows going on there, but it's about expression so i appreciate that. but someone paying 50 grand for one squiggle of paint on a canvas is INSANE to me. yes, it is perspective but it's also put on in most cases. it's pretentious, phony, etc. okay IF the artist TRULY intended that one squiggle to express something and it meant something to him/her, then i respect it, that doesn't mean i think it's talent or great, but then i can assure you that tons of people don't find things i think esthetically pleasing to be so for themselves.
sorry, the MASKED MAN!!!! i digress, digress, digress. so i thought he was trying to stand out and was then going to remove his mask once inside the house, talking to the woman alone, something along those lines.
i did find it a bit odd, but he succeeded in making himself stand out, so it worked right?
THEN he announced that no, he was not going to be taking it off until he felt the timing was right, or some such thing. i thought okay, fine. though the guys in the house were already making fun of him and making a joke out of him, picking on him. i felt kind of badly for him, but if it IS/WAS a gimmick, then he kind of made his own bed right? that's the way this world works unfortunately.
THEN he told the girl about how it was about internal beauty, personality, NOT his looks and how he was making a stand for that and i silently applauded his bravado for that, because i agree. i don't think that will happen in a million years (though the girl has kept him through 3 eliminations so far, so either it IS working and she does understand as well OR, as i mentioned, the producers encouraged her to keep him for good TV). .
i 100% agree that the MOST important thing IS internal beauty, personality, etc. i have discussed how a level of attraction needs to be there too before, so i won't bore you by going into that again.
but then it crossed the line into weirdness. he has kept it on for god knows how long (still his prerogative of course), but he really started to make himself look like a weirdo, and not in a good way. okay maybe this is judgment as well on my part? well of course it is, but that's how we are all set up, we observe things and form opinions based on whatever, or whomever we are, just how it goes. i try not to be a judgmental person but i don't know that anyone can remove that entirely from their makeup as a human being? sure if they never looked at anyone, interacted w/anyone, read/saw any media whatsoever. never left their house, never went on the internet. lived in a cave. something.
so back to my opinion on the matter, he took it beyond the level of understandable for me, though i was willing to give him the benefit of the doubt that until he was ALONE w/the woman once again, he could then remove it, he was just waiting and biding his time. i was gonna suspend my disbelief until that time, but the days dragged on. again, i have no idea how long, it could be 4-5 days, it could be 2 weeks. and he never removes it (obviously), to sleep, to shower (?), (they did show him caught on the toilet w/it on), he SWIMS in it, never removes it whatsoever, even in front of the other guys, and they are not the one's he is dating. meanwhile they are tormenting him about it. some of it is funny, some is just mean.
then, it gets worse. he is ALWAYS lurking around the house alone (i realize he's a pariah w/the guys, so he kind of has to i suppose) but it looks weird! but the part that really gets me is that his eyes are always big and staring, like a serial killer look/expression in them. well maybe not that crazy looking, but it IS disturbing!!! you know how some people have a look in their eyes that is just creepy? well he HAS that!! he just does, there is no mistaking it. i don't think he's a bad guy or anything (they do extensive background checks for any reality show, big time), i just think he's maybe a bit off?
so yeah, the creepy look in the eye's, the doing EVERYTHING for countless days and nights through a big ass mask and the lurking around the house like he's the phantom of the opera, well it's just too much and YET the girl kept him there. even though he had some "alone" time w/her, told her he had brain trauma, some accident, illness, i can't recall exactly what it was but instead of looking all touched and empathetic as she does w/the other guys when they tell her anything personal or painful, she just looked uncomfortable and her body language said it all as well, she kept her arms in front of herself and sat quite a bit apart from him, which she NEVER does w/the other guys. so i was SURE that she wasn't going to keep him there and yet she did. go figure. once again that semi cements the producer involvement as far as i'm concerned. 

okay i have NO clue how go get my page layout the way i want it!!!

you have to be a nuclear physicist or something to figure this shit out. i have messed w/EVERY setting on here for HOURS and can't get it set up how i want it. :(
then my buddy myke comes along, makes a blog outta nowhere and looks like his page is vogue.com or something. wtf?

does ANYONE know how to advise me? i want my blog TITLES listing on the right side of the page, like they used to be and listed by title, not by the "labels" that i put in there w/out any thought. it's so random and lame. sigh. i really don't wanna plow through all the so called options again and i'm a great computer chick! i have taught myself and others the most complicated programs w/no help whatsoever, but blogger is just too much for me for some reason.

oops, i started a blog the other night on the crazy masked man on the bachelorette and yet i went off elsewhere, here it is

Ahhhh, where to start here? Don't worry I will get to Mr. Mask.
First off, let me apologize for getting sucked into these tripe-y shows.  Yeah I realize a lot of people love them, watch them (hell I'm watching right?) and LIVE for this shit and I'll admit, I get sucked in too, but maybe I'm more judgmental while watching it or it's like a science experiment for me? Yeah, that is it, I'm curious. Who are these people, what are they gonna do or say or how will they act. It's just more "relationship" fodder for me, so yes I find it interesting.
Maybe I'm being a snob, trying to announce that I'm above this "tripe" or whatever, maybe I think I am? No, I don't think I'm above it, but i DO know that I would never ever ever go on ANY type of show like that or any show period. I have never been the fame whore type or the "hey look at me" type or the type sooo desperate for love that I would go on some unrealistic TV show. I'm not saying it's a setup (though sometimes I wonder), they claim it's not, it's just entirely unrealistic to think that out of 20 (??) or whatever women/men that in that group there would just HAPPEN to be the one for you.  But then again, I have thoughts about how anyone could be the one for someone, it just depends on the open-mindedness of both parties. Think about that.....couldn't anyone be "the one" for anyone else? If forced together, got to know each other, whatever. Spend enough time w/anyone and won't they grow on you? I mean the odds are good, but my point w/this situation is that it IS for TV, a lot of the stuff is staged, but beyond that, let's say it's all organic, you still are spending such a short amount of time w/the people, even when it gets down to a few, but WORSE, you are having these fantasy dates, these fantasy lives (wait, didn't i cover all of this in a bachelor blog? ahhhh, i bet i did!), you are not living your real lives, working your jobs, dealing w/stress (except for who you like or don't, if you're gonna stay or go), you are going to places and doing things that are dreams coming true type deals, it's a fantasy. So even if you did by chance "fall in love" or even infatuation w/this person what happens when the show is over?
Then there comes the worst part of all. You are separated for months, are allowed some secret meetings, how is your new love supposed to withstand that? Hell, it can barely withstand seeing each other everyday. Then you have to watch the show and see everyone else he/she made out with, claimed to be all into, get all jealous, all insecure and THEN (ominous music here) you live in 2 completely different states, completely different lives and are back to reality. Work, bills, stress, LIFE and then you're supposed to move or travel back and forth, have a long distance relationship. It takes a lot of balls, sincerity and fortitude to keep that up. Sadly I don't think that many people possess those things in abundance. Even if they were ALL into that person, once reality comes back, the separation comes along, some other girl/guy hits on them, they start thinking about things they don't like, whatever the case may be. Hell something shiny might float by and they are already distracted, already one foot out the door.
What is that made up word or phrase? Stick-to-it-ness. Something like that. Who has that in this day and age? Everyone is ALWAYS ready to move on. Move on, move on. To what? To some invisible thing that they just THINK exists? To some person they THINK is great, for the moment? Back to their alone time, their solitude, just later to complain again about being lonely and not having anyone? Ready to later think "man i really screwed that up, what was I thinking?", once they are older or see that their options aren't limitless or that THEY were the nut in the "bad" relationship, OR they "wake up" too old, too set in their ways, all options are gone and then they are really screwed, the ship has sailed, because they didnt' have the character, the fortitude, the balls, the desire, the anything to work out TRIFLING issues. Things that were nothing, not even real problems. Just problems in their minds or problems w/their egos (same thing kinda sorta but not), problems w/wanting to be right, problems w/wanting to be a control freak, problems w/commitment, w/attention span, so they decided something was too much, too hard, not right, not meant to be (all said in quotations),etc. when it all could have been right, good, fulfilling and everything great but they blew it, for stupid ass or even nonexistent reasons.
Now THAT is so silly to me. No, I'm not referring to people who know right off the bat, instantaneously that someone is not right for them, they aren't attracted in the least, are completely and offensively different, don't even like each other, there is no way in hell these people would work out for them, but that is rare right? Usually it's just our snobbery dictating those things. What I AM referring to here is people who DID like each other, who did connect, who WERE attracted and had a mind connection as well, things in common, everything working for them and THEN they decided for some random reason "nah, I don't feel like it anymore, I wanna go back to my shitty lonely, boring life where I can always be right". So right yet so alone.  Trust me, I've been there, I've picked apart people out of fear, of commitment, insecurity, immaturity, you name it, I've found a million reasons right off the bat about how and why I cannot be w/that person for any length of time, ah but then you add in the physical connection and if THAT is good, you can REALLY overlook a multitude of sins. Yes, you DO need a physical connection but that is just a distraction to what is really there, especially if you start that too early on, as most do, as we all do, as too many do? If you really wanted to find out if someone was right for you (hormones aside) you would WAIT, until you knew you really liked them as a person. Wow, I say "really" a lot don't I?
But I'm not speaking of sex here or chemistry or physical connection, (that's a different topic that I could write pages and pages about, but for a different time and place, only is a tiny part of what I'm referring to now), sure it's important but the other is far more important, no matter how sexual of a person you are (and trust me I am one, but I made a choice a couple of years ago to let my brain and heart do the deciding for me instead of my body and it was a good choice).
What I am speaking of here is blown opportunities, throwing things away over nothing. And i DO mean nothing. I have seen, heard about, watched AND experienced this myself a million times (all those combined, for the "million"). Oh sure the "reasons" are fantastic at the time and VERY logical, but what do those reasons tell you six months from now? A year from now? Five years from now? When you are STILL alone (or worse, still repeating your shitty patterns. A few months here, a few months there and then suddenly discovering or letting the bad things calculate into a laundry list that you use as proof to yourself on how it WON'T work), so what then? Are your reasons and your ego and your bullshit holding you when you sleep at night? Talking to you after work? Will they hold your hand when you die? Will they remember you? And if they do, will they remember you as anything more than a deceiver? Someone who put on an act to "get" you and then switched it all up, when the real person you were came out? But let's say that you or that other party already KNEW and experienced all or many of your flaws? And that you were already ready and willing to deal with, overlook, live w/those flaws: EVERYONE has flaws the last time I checked. You should be w/the person(s) who's flaws you can live w/the most, but that's all a matter of choice as well right?
You CHOOSE how you look at those flaws, those things you don't like, you choose to make them a huge deal, you choose to react to them, you choose every single thing about how you deal w/them AND w/the person, and same goes for them. So you are choosing the bad road. Why?? "I will purposely fuck this up and CHOOSE to look at things in a bad light because I'm"......(insert word or should I say excuses) "an asshole", "immature", "a control freak", "a superior prick (man or woman applies) OR because of my own issues. "I am insecure", "I will be derisive to anyone who has the bad taste to like or love me", "I need more from them" (but I won't ask), "I need less from them" (but I won't tell). Oh it all just goes on and on, a neverending, catch 22 loop of disastrous choices and decisions.

People looking for perfection (whatever that means, though everyone would deny that, it's bullshit, they are. they're own version of perfection) are crazy. I don't mean mentally ill, just delusional, meaning living in a fantasy land as far as this topic is concerned. They will NEVER find what they are looking for. There are no guarantees for anything. There are no guarantees that ANY of us will even be here on earth for another day, another week, another year. So in the big picture, isn't it worth it? To take that jump, that leap? To live for today. The greater the risk, the greater the reward right? So what if it doesn't work out forever, for ALL of eternity? So what? Does anything? So what is the fallout? You are more hurt, more disillusioned? You experienced a million great things that you otherwise wouldn't have? and see THAT is another lie....."better to end it now before we get too deep into this thing and then really get hurt".  REALLY??? That is the better idea? To not experience great fun, great bonding, great passion, great everything, even great arguments, great LEARNING about our own flaws, great experiences in learning what works, what doesn't, learning HOW to be a great communicator, or a better one? Yeah, sounds much better to cut it short and never really experience anything then to actually experience ANYTHING!!! Really?? Seriously?? THAT is the better option? That sounds nuts to me (and that's coming from a girl who has mostly been scared shitless of men and commitment, since her HIDEOUS marriage when she was 19 to 20 something, but I still never gave up hope, thoughts for the future, when I was healed enough. And finally I got there). So yes, i AM willing to try and to fight for something good, for great experiences, bad and good, because it's better than fighting for nothing. Flat out nothing.

My personal fav is people who "end" something, something REAL (or that was supposedly real) via the most impersonal, clinical means possible. You saw, spoke to, were involved w/this person for however long and they (or you! and shame on you if you've done this) and this person was MEANINGFUL to you, you cared about this person to whatever extent and how is all of this intimate, bonding contact ended?? Through a text message, through an email, through a post it note (that's courtesy of "sex and the city"), through a voice mail.
WTF, again WTF!!!!! is THAT??? Seriously??? You don't even have the courtesy, the character, the BALLS, the fucking manners, a heart in your chest and a brain in your head to even TELL the person face to face?? Or even ear to ear?? Talk about insulting. That is about as low as you can get, oh and god forbid you dare FIND that offensive, what is wrong w/YOU to think that is highly insulting, hurtful, MEAN and downright the epitome of having not one once of class or even empathy. Yes, I know, it's the "easy" way out, that way you don't have to "man up" or have an actual conversation about it, or explain anything or dread of dreads actually DEAL w/something "yucky" that you're not (or never have been) in the mood for. What kind of person does things like that? A VERY selfish person.

I watched this really great and funny documentary a week or so ago this British guy did on his failed love life. He was in his 30's, alone, a loser and wondering where he went wrong. Yes, it was tongue in cheek and funny as hell but also true and accurate. As I said, a documentary.   The guy was a self proclaimed loser and all of the ex's complained that he was a loser, his mom said he was a loser, so I'M not labeling him a loser to be clear. He/they said he never had a job, a car, money......was 2 hrs late for everything he did, lied, didn't stick to his word, (hey isn't that most people? haha). extremely lazy, extremely irresponsible, shit his mom (whom he still lived above in his 30's) was still the only person (himself included), who did his laundry, cleaned his disgusting place, his hygiene was BAD!!! He always looked smelly and dirty, didn't even own a hairbrush, you get the idea. Just trying to paint the picture for you, that watching it painted for me. He made a list of all of his women/girls that he had any type of relationship with, that was of any consequence in his life and set out to interview them all. to be continued.....have to go to bed, praying they saved this, i hit save like 20 times.
shit! i didn't even get to the point or the topic, so i will post this and continue in another blog, it's been sitting here for days now. ciao