SOME of my thoughts on dating, internet dating and otherwise......

(first was a response to an email i received from a guy)
i'm NOT looking for someone perfect, i'm not perfect, no one is and it would be boring if anyone was. nor am i looking period, for men (or dates) but then again, if someone great came along, i wouldn't turn them away. but i've had it w/men for the most part. and you are right, almost everyone and everything is about looks. which totally sucks but it's a fact i've mostly accepted, as lame as i may think it is. trust me, i DON'T find it flattering when everyone under the sun is trying to screw me or whatever and it's ALL based on looks. they don't give a * who i am, it's about a pretty face or a trophy or some equally lame bull * . or they "want" you, until they get you, that is. or get what they wanted. OR tried to get what they were after and got fed up and split when you wouldn't give it. and they will lie, scheme, flatter, promise and everything else under the sun to get it to try and get it. and then guys talk about women who are whores or easy when THEY were in on it too. or better yet, the ONLY reason the woman gave it up was cause the guy put on such a great show about how much he was into her! i won't even get into all the crap I'VE been told! even a guy i JUST met THAT night then "planning" our future! how the next night we were doing this or that and then the weekend we were then doing something else and what WE were doing the following week. and i was thinking "hes' insane!" and needy. and where does this guy get off planning our lives and assuming we are a couple, and how am i going to get out of this, 'cause i don't even LIKE HIM!? turns out, was ALL his little routine on how to get what he wanted. none of it was genuine or anything else, he just figured if he made future plans and acted like we were now a couple, i would then give him what he wanted. absolutely crazy. and i didn't even catch on for some time. i was so worried w/how i was going to make him go away, til i then noticed that i never heard from him again! whew! still lame and insulting though! but i have to say i was soooo not into this guy and that i also couldn't imagine that any other women were lining up for him either, that he probably figured that he HAD to have some big, phony, lying repertoire, cause it was the only way he might ever get any.
and age IS just a #. i don't care about age, but generally i hit it off a LOT more w/people my age or younger. interest wise. but once again, being blatantly honest here....sorry i don't have time or the inclination to be "nice" or diplomatic all the time, but i can tell in a hot second (and that is due to much practice AND trial and error from when i was on the internet AND dating) if i'm attracted to someone or not (even from pics online, as old or as "good" as they might be, i can tell asap). and i've never been wrong. there have been many times that i thought "well i might be attracted later". or "i really love their personality and /or talking to them" or "they are so good on paper" but it never came. i know if it's there or not. and it sounds hypocritical coming from me, cause i get SOOOO fed up w/all the visual, shallow bull * that men (and women), but mostly men do, but by the same token, i'm not asking for a greek god or a model. i don't care if someone is a dream physically, that is not it. BUT if i'm not attracted i'm just not, nothing i can do. but i think others standards are soooo bloody high that it's impossible. they want a playboy bunny but then get sick of her cause she has nothing to offer beyond the looks. then they say they want brains and personality but "aren't attracted". that they want it ALL in one package, ain't gonna happen!! so no one wants to let anything give on their laundry list of qualities. and i always say the same thing "that woman/man does NOT exist" and they disagree. i say "i'd like to see where you stand on all these things when you are 60 and alone and don't have your looks anymore to plow thru them all". i'm NOT by any means suggesting that anyone should be w/someone that repulses them physically. but that is a FAR cry from what actually happens. and it's almost ALL visual w/men. and i know women have their crap too, but i'm just tired of it all period.
i've had people i could have "settled" w/myself. could have been married a number of times, in fact, but in the long run, why would i want to? cause they were hot? or had money? or could make my life easy? or "take care of me"? or any other reason? NO. i'd rather be alone.
i DID date a guy from this site. a very nice guy, total gentleman. he's 53 (and i will only date so much younger, 9 years younger is almost too much for me) but i have to say that it DOES disturb me when men will date up to 20 yrs younger and more. i think it says a lot about the guy. that HE can pick and choose years and years younger, cause the women his age are too smart for them or "old bags" or whatever the case may be. they want someone to look up to them? i don't know, but it bothers me. i think if it randomly happens, fine, but them constantly searching out much younger women is telling.
but the guy i dated from here, i KNEW i wasnt' attracted to him. though i thought i might be able to be cause i enjoyed talking to him. he wasn't ugly and i was semi attracted to his pics BUT his pics are at least 10 or 15 years old, so it was false advertising. so i felt deceived on that count. granted most put up really good pics or whatever and i don't ever expect (out of experience) someone to look quite as "good" as their pics but they should at least LOOK like their pics! or have been taken in the last couple of years! but i guarantee you his are that old, or more. i wont get into the details of why. but i'm positive. you have a full head of hair then it's magically gone! overnight? nope, don't think so. and that's not the only reason, but whatever. anyway, i had numerous dates w/him and his age didn't bother me at all, what bothered me is that i didn't ever want anything to do w/him physically, not even hold his hand. HE didn't repulse me but the thought of us doing anything did. but more than that (otherwise i still might be seeing him), HE had a thing for much younger women and i then discovered why.......he was a TOTAL know it all. he would "lecture" me on any and every topic. it was NOT a conversation, it was a monologue, every time he got onto any topic. he wouldnt' allow me to interrupt him (until i learned and almost started shouting to interrupt and /or trying to change the topic asap before i fell asleep during another "class") and he assumed regardless that only HE was the expert on that topic. though i knew about everything he talked about. but he WANTS someone who's dumb or uninformed or someone to look up to him, hence the much younger thing. like "hey aren't i great? don't you enjoy my lectures"? don't you love listening to me go on and on for days and seeing how smart and informed i am"?
and no, i didn't at all. it was extremely annoying. and THAT turned me off more than anything. that and the fact that he NEVER once asked me about me. period. knew nothing about me! finally i asked him if he cared to know about others, and he said he had read my page online, so that he DID kow about me. so i guess he was done? that was enough info for a lifetime. so he was perfect "on paper" right? well, in many ways. WHEN i was allowed to talk, the conversation was good. so should i settle for him or anyone else just cause they fit a couple of things that i want? or cause i might not find someone else? or because i'm getting older or some nonsense? no. not gonna happen. and even IF i am alone at 60 or 70, i don't care. would much rather that than be w/someone that i'm not into or have no chemistry with or who annoys the hell outta me! would be like jail.
people get involved probably 97% of the time for ALL the wrong reasons anyway. attraction (that fades or can only go so far), loneliness (don't want to be alone. can't be alone. terrified to be alone. and every other alone theme out there), someone who can be a trophy and impress the public or their friends. an ego boost "hey, look who i can get, aren't i cool?" or they want someone to take care of them financially. or their biological clocks are ticking. or they think it's their last chance. or the person is "almost" good enough. no wonder no one ever stays together. it is the exception NOT the rule that 2 people are "soul mates" or truly in love, truly meant to be together. cause we live in an instant gratification society. and a throw away society. "hey once i get sick of him/her, or it's not working out, or even better yet....... once i meet someone i like a lot more, i can always just leave. divorce, break up, whatever" and i think it's all very sad.
i guess internal beauty REALLY doesn't account for much. anymore. if ever....