ahh shit, i can't sleep....

and i'm REALLY lagging on blogging too! behind on my facebook stuff, have over 4,000 regular unread emails, granted many are makeup things or emails telling me of sales, new products, etc.

what i REALLY should be doing IS working on my BOOK and finishing the damn thing, so i can copyright it, get an agent, etc etc.
has anyone (that might possibly be reading this) used "kickstarter" to raise funds for a project? i am contemplating that, so i could maybe take a tiny bit of time off of my TWO jobs to use towards finishing my book. i KNOW it's good, i KNOW it will sell, i just have to pull it off just right, meaning how i go about the marketing, or getting an agent/publisher, etc.
i've had calls, emails, so on from agents and publishers, i just don't feel ready yet. i want to be done done first. maybe fear of failure? fear of success? i don't know.
what i DO know is that i do have a million things to talk about, opinions and stories on everything under the sun, just my past weekend alone, but it's late and i really should get to bed, so i don't suck at work tomorrow. :)
besides, i don't think anyone even reads my blogs anyway. and thank you to those who do. i DO appreciate it. :)
ps. anyone need advice? makeup/skin/hair advice? relationship advice? i'm an expert on both, believe me!! i kid you not. ;)

OLAY Total Effects Line and Dark Circle Minimizing Brush, people there is NO such product to fulfill ANY of these claims!!!

I know we all are looking for (or would simply be thrilled with...) a "magic" pill, product, a magic anything, even magic beans (well maybe not those, but hey you never know, most of us WERE (and are) raised on fairy tales, but I hate to break it to you, there is NO such thing!!!
There are products that DO help, or work to some extent or better yet, can DISGUISE such things, but that is it. It is kind of like hair conditioner, it will condition your hair per use but once you wash it again, the effect is gone. Would you condition your hair once or for a consistent short period of time and then stop, figuring the job was done? No, I think not.

Question: WHY are there gay guys who pretend they are straight???? Or go for women??

No, i'm soooooooooo not being homophobic, sexist, bigoted, judgmental, none of that......
Also to be VERY clear, the particulars (and people) that I have in mind are SO not in the category of can't tell their family, can't come out, it will ruin their life or career, none of the common reasons that people don't come out.
I'm referring to people who everyone would be ENTIRELY cool w/them coming out, be supportive, wonderful (and probably not too surprised to be honest).
So why do that? Why hide it or pretend to be otherwise? I'm also not talking about people in their teens, 20's, etc. who are still confused, undecided, fighting the feelings (though fighting the feelings could apply), I'm talking about people OVER 30 who know damn well who they are and what they like and prefer. WHY NOT just come out? OR if they're not wanting to come out, then at the very least, do NOT pursue women (or men) and be very misleading and dishonest w/significant others and even themselves.
Oh and don't even get my started on the bi-sexual deal. In my mind (and maybe it is too judgmental, too ready to label, though i don't think so, i think i'm VERY compassionate, very empathetic and very understanding, but I also believe what i believe and have strong opinions about many things, so i'm just being true to myself as well right?), i was saying in my mind bi-sexual is gay. Simple as that.
I'm not referring to women fooling around w/their girlfriends on drunken nights or even non drunken nights plus people tend to look at that differently right? gay women are "hot" and considered a turn on, blah blah. i'm generalizing, but you get it. okay i'm signing off, too tired to finish this up.

High heels.....WHO came up w/these torturous things???? And must EVERYONE wear them???

Okay people I'm WELL aware that men (and many women) LOVE LOVE LOVE high heels on women, yes, i get it. I totally get it. They ARE attractive, make women look "prettier", more alluring, make their/our legs look better, etc etc etc. BUT 1. they are torturous (to wear constantly) and 2. why don't they have an equivalent for men? As a matter of fact, why don't they have an equivalent for pretty much EVERY torturous thing that women wear for men as well??
Remember girdles, hoop skirts, brassieres (as opposed to the "comfy" bras we now where, I'm talking the full on hammock, sling deals that women used to have to wear), panty hose, heels again, body stockings, ummm what are those things called that are escaping my mind right now that women LOVE these days? They are like girdle panties, arghh, I sooo know the name of them but it's escaping me now. SPANX!!! that's it. yes. Okay those are not the most comfortable things in the world either. Also remember the way women used to have to deal w/their periods? By wearing those strap on garter belt, diaper-ish deals?
Yes, I'll grant you that men don't have periods so they needn't suffer through that stuff (and don't get me started on period stuff) but think about it, i mean REALLY think about it. WHAT do men ever have to wear (by choice or not) that even remotely compares to what women "have" to wear? Granted, we generally don't have to wear anything, but you know what i'm saying....
Okay, a suit, I'm sure a suit is not the most comfortable situation, especially the tie and the collar but again women have worn those as well and worn turtlenecks and tight ass collars for other fashions, so we've hit that mark too.
Back to the heels situation. Yes, I have worn heels hundreds, thousands of times in my life and still occasionally wear them and have a closet FULL of heels, but I don't wear them anywhere near what I used to, nor do I want to. If I was posing for pictures or on a talk show or something of that nature, where I just put them on for looks, where I didn't have to wear them around before and after (for long anyway), sure I'm in, but walking around in them all day/all night, (which yes, I've done recently as well), oh HELL NO!!!
The times I have in recent years, I either had to (being in a wedding or on a date or something) OR I wore some really "comfortable" heels which is relative. Let's be honest here, there are also a lot of short men out there and towering over them is not so cute in your opinion or theirs in most cases, and I'm only 5'6" but I have dated TONS of men who claimed to be 5'10" and i did NOT have heels on and yet they were exactly my height or I was even an inch or 2 (at least) taller than them. So either I become taller on dates or guys are not being totally honest about their height. :P
**** Here comes my addition to my original post on this from the other night, when I started it.  I wasn't done w/this topic but it's been sitting here for more than a day, so I'll post it and continue later, if need be, but I think I made my point.  :P
My main point was that it is kind of "expected" by men AND women for anyone who's stylish at all, to wear heels and they have been getting higher and crazier and PRICIER (beyond belief) and you're supposed to be a slave to fashion, discomfort or not but man, i spent soooo many years being a slave to fashion (my own fashion, not what was dictated to me in any form, sure i've liked things here and there that were in style, but that was purely coincidence, we all are influenced by something, no?) and comfort was the LEAST of my concern or desires. Look good, look good , that's all that mattered, but I"m really not big on suffering through wearing 5-6" heels all day, everyday or even once a week. Oh and the LATEST deal, for awhile now is that bloody beige pump, UBER pump that everyone and their mother is wearing, that has like a 6" heel AND the 2-3" platform at the front as well. So you are sky high up there, but I'll give them this....when you do have a platform in the front it does make for a much more comfortable shoe, you're not so much on your tippy toes, so to speak, (and they are cute but must they ALWAYS be in beige? Really people. Yawn.
So beyond the comfort level here, they are BAD for your feet, AND your body! Believe it or not, they can (and do) not only cause mega feet problems: arch issues, calf muscles that could pin a wrestler (though that is just an aesthetic), but squeezing your feet (even if they are not small in the least, they ARE your size) into pointed configurations and toes hanging over the edge and on and on, they cause your feet to be deformed to some degree and it gets worse over time. Women get hammertoes, bunions (in fact look closely at any celeb pics you might see of their feet in sandals or bare and you see even the YOUNGEST of women already w/hammertoes, bunions, perma blisters, etc. So, again, is BEAUTY/fashion WORTH disfigurement??
I have a few personal experiences w/that myself (not me, but friends, family), 2 examples: my mom AND my mother in law (may she RIP) BOTH had major feet and back problems from wearing heels all of their lives, the problems hit in their 30's and 40's and just got worse. Not to be a broken record, but hammertoes, bunions, the big toes, little toes, any of the toes being "deformed" now, from being pushed into unnatural positions for years and years. They both wore heels for fashion, my Mom because she is a highly successful business woman, has run her own corporation for going on 40 yrs, so wore heels to manage, speak to and lead her people. (haha, she sounds like moses), and my mother in law was only 4'11" inches AND loved fashion too, so she wore heels everyday of her life (that i'm aware of and that she told me, SHE had to have major surgery on her feet. NUMEROUS surgeries and still her feet were never the same, never stopped paining her and being a huge issue. My mom's feet got semi fucked up BUT the heels also messed up her back, she was FORBIDDEN by doctors (back when i was a teenager) to wear heels anymore. The highest they would "allow" her to go was 2-2 1/2 inches and she has followed that and saved herself more pain and grief in that issue.
So yeah, I'm not just bitching and moaning about something I don't want to do or don't like, because neither of those entirely fit my thoughts on the matter, I am just basically pointing out how once again followers (again, we all have been one at some point in our lives I'm sure. Even musicians are followers of all of the music THEY love, and are influenced by it, whether they know it or not, but that's another topic). So yep, people are willingly suffering and causing themselves harm and damage over something that looks good, once again. THAT bothers me, to a degree. It just does.
What is wrong w/comfort? Sure, all of my shoes (except for sport shoes) have some type of heel, just the way it goes I guess. Oh, wait, i have one pair of Skechers that are almost totally flat, made to the curvature of the foot, it feels like you're wearing nothing. Like you only have your feet on. Ahhhh, that is nice.
And yet, as I mentioned, I own TONS of heels, I am sure that I will wear them again, even do wear them now, my sandals alone have like a 3" heel on them, but I'm certainly not wearing stilettos! Maybe in the bedroom. ;)
Oh and I had a boss as well, also petite (honestly I have a million examples for this) who wears stilettos EVERY day of her life, to work, to play, to do anything and is in AGONY almost all day everyday, but to "look good", it's worth it right?
I have no clue if I'm making sense any longer, it's very late and I'm uber tired, was just trying to wrap this up....
a good night/day to all :)

tell me do people ever really look at who THEY are?

or are they too busy looking at (and judging)who everyone else is? i think it's the latter. it also goes along w/the "he doth protest too much". i remember one time i dated a guy, few yrs back and he went on and on (also the braggarts, NEVER a good idea. ever ever ever!) about what a GREAT listener he was, how he was a quiet person and liked to observe people and listen to them talk and see who THEY were, yadda yadda yadda right? oh and how kind and giving he was and so self sacrificing. he also had posted a bunch of this tripe on his "about me" (or whatever it's called) on myspace, which i had read while we were dating but never gave it much thought.
OMG!!!!  was it sooooooo the opposite? he was not only the most selfish person ever, but he USED everyone in his life, his friends, family, tried to even use me, that's when i was outta there. and the WORST so called "good listener" ever. he was NOT an observer, he was a dictator. he never asked questions, never listened to anyone, in fact he wanted to be the only speaker. he dared to shush me a few times (the last day i saw him and that's one reason it WAS the last day i saw him) for asking him a couple of questions.
basic shit too. how did he like his job, etc? he was not "private" he was secretive!! and secretive vs private (which most people who claim to be "private" are: secretive NOT private, what do they have to hide? obviously something.) i'm not saying put your business out there for the world to see or be an open book to everyone who ever passes you by but honestly what DO you have to hide?
i myself am a "private" person but i also am very open about who i am, what i think and if anyone asks, pretty much what is up w/me as well. painful past stuff, i need more trust to get into but i'm an open book, most people just don't care to know cause they are too busy guarding their own dirty little secrets. hmm
so after i ditched this loser guy, he emailed me few times, etc. he knew he had fucked up but i don't think was entirely sure how (and trust me, if i told u the story, your mouth would be hanging open wondering how he had the nerve to be like that, it is THAT blatant and "bad"), i went back and reread his myspace bullshit. and that's just what it was: bullshit.
EVERY SINGLE THING (good quality wise) that he listed about himself and it was a looong fucking list, he was the EXACT opposite of that. he had none of those qualities, he had the antonym? (is that the word i want?), well i said it, the opposite of everything he said he was. it made me laugh.
but i wondered then as i do and have many times......DO people really SEE who they are? do they care to see? do they simply paint a picture of themselves to themselves of what they WANT to be or want to see and then run w/that? you know like liars who believe their own lies? is it like that? they've said it so often, they now buy it too? or do they think if they say they are that, they will magically become that person?
or are they really so shallow, narcissistic, full of shit or whatever that they honestly think they ARE like that magical person? yes, i'm aware of people in the dating/mating world putting out their "best" selves at first, trying to paint a good picture to woo someone and then you find out the real deal, which was the case w/this guy. though he was too lazy to even keep up his best self beyond our first date or so and i saw the worst self ASAP!! i'm talking can't even bother to shower or brush his teeth to see me worst self, after we had this BIG day planned and i had put all kinds of time, effort and energy into it and he can't even jump in the fucking shower before i'm there? wtf IS that? i mean c'mon!
yet, what bugs me about it even further is that they are soooooooo quick to judge others, find flaw, when they are FULL of flaws themselves. on that note, i agree w/the bible saying pull the splinter out of your own eye before your pull out your brother's, or whatever it says and the judge not deal. that too. i mean that should be common sense right?
so yeah they think they are some paragon of amazing qualities but will find the tiniest shit in others (which btw, they usually have worse. i mean don't u hate the negative qualities in others that YOU yourself have? i know i do) and i know i judge people too, BUT if people treat me well......i treat them well. if they are not rude or unkind to me, i'm not rude or unkind to them. if they treat me like shit, you can bet your ass i'm gonna have something to say about it. i'm NOBODIES whipping post. i know everyone has moods and bullshit but they should expect to receive it back in kind if they can dish it out.
oooh another bad one is the cold superior deal. you know they are pissed but they won't admit it, just get REALLY cold, superior and bitchy basically and act like they are above you and not going to "sink" to this level of admitting it or even discussing it as a mature adult. wtf is that? isn't that how humans work? communicate? clear it up? admit what is going on instead of trying to act above it and claiming you aren't pissed or irked when you damn well are? then just avoiding it. yeah that solves shit alright. that's why those people are alone forever. oh god, now i'm being a hypocrite. i'm always saying how you don't have to be w/someone to be happy or complete and i mostly believe that, BUT i'm talking about chronically alone when they don't want to be. though i suppose that label could fit me at times too. ah but see, i'm human and i'll admit my flaws and shortcomings. :) (least i try anyway :P)

My thoughts on the remake of "The girl with the dragon tattoo".....

i saw the trailer for the American remake last night of "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo", I have known for some time that it was being remade, even while still in pre-production, i kept saying WHY remake it, the original is fantastically good, BUT i also completely understand why they have remade it. think about it. how many americans (or non-americans) actually even SEE foreign films? very few and i think i know the very few people that DO. (some of my fav films are foreign. i go out of my way to see any foreign film that looks interesting.) so even if they have heard of the books, or even read them, it's doubtful that they have seen the film. so there is a WHOLE new audience for it and i was thinking the same, why copy it to a T, as i watched the trailer, i thought "wow, everything looks exactly the same, the locations, the characters (mostly), the story line". i am doubtful that it can be as good as the original though, then i saw who the director and cast were (while in production and thought it may work out well, or well enough) and i will probably check it out anyway, and i was REALLY in disbelief that ANYONE could play lisbeth w/the perfection, panache and mystery that noomi rapace plays her with. as roger ebert stated (i'm paraphrasing), she is THE most interesting/intriguing character he has EVER seen in a film. that is glowing praise and i think she deserves it. i tend to agree, i don't know that i would say the most interesting character EVER, but she's up there.
so we shall see......
(but it always goes back to the almighty dollar right? that is the bottom line w/EVERY film that is EVER made. money. even the ones w/artistic integrity, statements, etc. usually turn out to be about money at some point, even later on. so yep, any story that has the possibility to make money, it's gonna get churned out, as evidenced by most of the tripe that is out there, yet people still line up for it, right?) some of the worst films ever make the most money and some of the best make the least. similar to the music industry.
also look at when "psycho" was remade. it was a LITERAL remake, again i understood it was for money (which i actually paid to see it in the theater, that was a mistake, gus van sant (was him right? he's hit and miss w/me)  i'm a huge hitchcock fan and that is why i did) and for an audience who had never seen it. again, along w/foreign films, many people highly dislike "old" movies. so yeah i thought that was a stupid choice and a stupid movie. why watch a 1-1/2 star literal remake when you can watch a 4 star original?

back to the weird masked man.....

i got sidetracked and caught up in some other topics the other night, as i tend to do and went on a tirade about that and completely forgot about poor, weird masked man guy.
weird masked guy... .
okay when he first got there, i assumed it was a gimmick (read my other blog re these shows, it's just fodder, something funny to talk about for the most part), that he wanted to stand out.
then he never took off the mask. still hasn't, though he ALMOST did the other night. (i was wondering if THAT was a set up by the producers, the whole almost part. aw shucks, RIGHT as he was removing it, he was interrupted! anything for ratings right?) trust me, i am the biggest believer in individuality, i really am, i hate that shit about everyone wanting to look like everyone else or following styles, trends, gotta keep up w/the joneses. everyone wanting the same hair, the same clothes, the same whatever. i prefer something that only I have! one of a kind or very few of a kind.
it's just sheep stuff, as far as i'm concerned. sure, i guess we all are subconsciously influenced by things but i'm speaking about the people who CONSCIOUSLY try to stay on trend. it's beyond trends but i can't think of the words i need right now. example; the oscars, awards shows, how people TEAR people apart for not wearing something THEY think is wonderful, fabulous, perfect, whatever. how there is some level of expectation. people used to wear JEANS to those things, now it's a fucking fashion show.
i'm not dogging people who watch that stuff to see what people are wearing, i DO like clothes, fashion, my own idea of it. what i like, what i think is pretty, cool, interesting, not what i'm TOLD to like or what everyone else is wearing or what a magazine says. i used to be quite the fashion plate. i mean i'm not a slob now, but  man the effort i used to put in as a teenager, from then on too but to a much lesser degree, but even then it was MY idea of what i thought looked good.
i prefer individuality. yes, i understand and agree w/the concept of people looking their best, but it's THEIR best, not YOUR best, meaning what is their concept of their best. like bjork for example. the famous swan dress. i think that is cool! sure the dress is ugly as shit, i wouldn't wear it but i appreciated the fact that she was expressing herself and not towing the line and following what some stylist told her to wear.
also take a good look at a million runway shows, have you seen some of the shit on there that passes for fashion? same thing w/art. there are some horror shows going on there, but it's about expression so i appreciate that. but someone paying 50 grand for one squiggle of paint on a canvas is INSANE to me. yes, it is perspective but it's also put on in most cases. it's pretentious, phony, etc. okay IF the artist TRULY intended that one squiggle to express something and it meant something to him/her, then i respect it, that doesn't mean i think it's talent or great, but then i can assure you that tons of people don't find things i think esthetically pleasing to be so for themselves.
sorry, the MASKED MAN!!!! i digress, digress, digress. so i thought he was trying to stand out and was then going to remove his mask once inside the house, talking to the woman alone, something along those lines.
i did find it a bit odd, but he succeeded in making himself stand out, so it worked right?
THEN he announced that no, he was not going to be taking it off until he felt the timing was right, or some such thing. i thought okay, fine. though the guys in the house were already making fun of him and making a joke out of him, picking on him. i felt kind of badly for him, but if it IS/WAS a gimmick, then he kind of made his own bed right? that's the way this world works unfortunately.
THEN he told the girl about how it was about internal beauty, personality, NOT his looks and how he was making a stand for that and i silently applauded his bravado for that, because i agree. i don't think that will happen in a million years (though the girl has kept him through 3 eliminations so far, so either it IS working and she does understand as well OR, as i mentioned, the producers encouraged her to keep him for good TV). .
i 100% agree that the MOST important thing IS internal beauty, personality, etc. i have discussed how a level of attraction needs to be there too before, so i won't bore you by going into that again.
but then it crossed the line into weirdness. he has kept it on for god knows how long (still his prerogative of course), but he really started to make himself look like a weirdo, and not in a good way. okay maybe this is judgment as well on my part? well of course it is, but that's how we are all set up, we observe things and form opinions based on whatever, or whomever we are, just how it goes. i try not to be a judgmental person but i don't know that anyone can remove that entirely from their makeup as a human being? sure if they never looked at anyone, interacted w/anyone, read/saw any media whatsoever. never left their house, never went on the internet. lived in a cave. something.
so back to my opinion on the matter, he took it beyond the level of understandable for me, though i was willing to give him the benefit of the doubt that until he was ALONE w/the woman once again, he could then remove it, he was just waiting and biding his time. i was gonna suspend my disbelief until that time, but the days dragged on. again, i have no idea how long, it could be 4-5 days, it could be 2 weeks. and he never removes it (obviously), to sleep, to shower (?), (they did show him caught on the toilet w/it on), he SWIMS in it, never removes it whatsoever, even in front of the other guys, and they are not the one's he is dating. meanwhile they are tormenting him about it. some of it is funny, some is just mean.
then, it gets worse. he is ALWAYS lurking around the house alone (i realize he's a pariah w/the guys, so he kind of has to i suppose) but it looks weird! but the part that really gets me is that his eyes are always big and staring, like a serial killer look/expression in them. well maybe not that crazy looking, but it IS disturbing!!! you know how some people have a look in their eyes that is just creepy? well he HAS that!! he just does, there is no mistaking it. i don't think he's a bad guy or anything (they do extensive background checks for any reality show, big time), i just think he's maybe a bit off?
so yeah, the creepy look in the eye's, the doing EVERYTHING for countless days and nights through a big ass mask and the lurking around the house like he's the phantom of the opera, well it's just too much and YET the girl kept him there. even though he had some "alone" time w/her, told her he had brain trauma, some accident, illness, i can't recall exactly what it was but instead of looking all touched and empathetic as she does w/the other guys when they tell her anything personal or painful, she just looked uncomfortable and her body language said it all as well, she kept her arms in front of herself and sat quite a bit apart from him, which she NEVER does w/the other guys. so i was SURE that she wasn't going to keep him there and yet she did. go figure. once again that semi cements the producer involvement as far as i'm concerned. 

okay i have NO clue how go get my page layout the way i want it!!!

you have to be a nuclear physicist or something to figure this shit out. i have messed w/EVERY setting on here for HOURS and can't get it set up how i want it. :(
then my buddy myke comes along, makes a blog outta nowhere and looks like his page is vogue.com or something. wtf?

does ANYONE know how to advise me? i want my blog TITLES listing on the right side of the page, like they used to be and listed by title, not by the "labels" that i put in there w/out any thought. it's so random and lame. sigh. i really don't wanna plow through all the so called options again and i'm a great computer chick! i have taught myself and others the most complicated programs w/no help whatsoever, but blogger is just too much for me for some reason.

oops, i started a blog the other night on the crazy masked man on the bachelorette and yet i went off elsewhere, here it is

Ahhhh, where to start here? Don't worry I will get to Mr. Mask.
First off, let me apologize for getting sucked into these tripe-y shows.  Yeah I realize a lot of people love them, watch them (hell I'm watching right?) and LIVE for this shit and I'll admit, I get sucked in too, but maybe I'm more judgmental while watching it or it's like a science experiment for me? Yeah, that is it, I'm curious. Who are these people, what are they gonna do or say or how will they act. It's just more "relationship" fodder for me, so yes I find it interesting.
Maybe I'm being a snob, trying to announce that I'm above this "tripe" or whatever, maybe I think I am? No, I don't think I'm above it, but i DO know that I would never ever ever go on ANY type of show like that or any show period. I have never been the fame whore type or the "hey look at me" type or the type sooo desperate for love that I would go on some unrealistic TV show. I'm not saying it's a setup (though sometimes I wonder), they claim it's not, it's just entirely unrealistic to think that out of 20 (??) or whatever women/men that in that group there would just HAPPEN to be the one for you.  But then again, I have thoughts about how anyone could be the one for someone, it just depends on the open-mindedness of both parties. Think about that.....couldn't anyone be "the one" for anyone else? If forced together, got to know each other, whatever. Spend enough time w/anyone and won't they grow on you? I mean the odds are good, but my point w/this situation is that it IS for TV, a lot of the stuff is staged, but beyond that, let's say it's all organic, you still are spending such a short amount of time w/the people, even when it gets down to a few, but WORSE, you are having these fantasy dates, these fantasy lives (wait, didn't i cover all of this in a bachelor blog? ahhhh, i bet i did!), you are not living your real lives, working your jobs, dealing w/stress (except for who you like or don't, if you're gonna stay or go), you are going to places and doing things that are dreams coming true type deals, it's a fantasy. So even if you did by chance "fall in love" or even infatuation w/this person what happens when the show is over?
Then there comes the worst part of all. You are separated for months, are allowed some secret meetings, how is your new love supposed to withstand that? Hell, it can barely withstand seeing each other everyday. Then you have to watch the show and see everyone else he/she made out with, claimed to be all into, get all jealous, all insecure and THEN (ominous music here) you live in 2 completely different states, completely different lives and are back to reality. Work, bills, stress, LIFE and then you're supposed to move or travel back and forth, have a long distance relationship. It takes a lot of balls, sincerity and fortitude to keep that up. Sadly I don't think that many people possess those things in abundance. Even if they were ALL into that person, once reality comes back, the separation comes along, some other girl/guy hits on them, they start thinking about things they don't like, whatever the case may be. Hell something shiny might float by and they are already distracted, already one foot out the door.
What is that made up word or phrase? Stick-to-it-ness. Something like that. Who has that in this day and age? Everyone is ALWAYS ready to move on. Move on, move on. To what? To some invisible thing that they just THINK exists? To some person they THINK is great, for the moment? Back to their alone time, their solitude, just later to complain again about being lonely and not having anyone? Ready to later think "man i really screwed that up, what was I thinking?", once they are older or see that their options aren't limitless or that THEY were the nut in the "bad" relationship, OR they "wake up" too old, too set in their ways, all options are gone and then they are really screwed, the ship has sailed, because they didnt' have the character, the fortitude, the balls, the desire, the anything to work out TRIFLING issues. Things that were nothing, not even real problems. Just problems in their minds or problems w/their egos (same thing kinda sorta but not), problems w/wanting to be right, problems w/wanting to be a control freak, problems w/commitment, w/attention span, so they decided something was too much, too hard, not right, not meant to be (all said in quotations),etc. when it all could have been right, good, fulfilling and everything great but they blew it, for stupid ass or even nonexistent reasons.
Now THAT is so silly to me. No, I'm not referring to people who know right off the bat, instantaneously that someone is not right for them, they aren't attracted in the least, are completely and offensively different, don't even like each other, there is no way in hell these people would work out for them, but that is rare right? Usually it's just our snobbery dictating those things. What I AM referring to here is people who DID like each other, who did connect, who WERE attracted and had a mind connection as well, things in common, everything working for them and THEN they decided for some random reason "nah, I don't feel like it anymore, I wanna go back to my shitty lonely, boring life where I can always be right". So right yet so alone.  Trust me, I've been there, I've picked apart people out of fear, of commitment, insecurity, immaturity, you name it, I've found a million reasons right off the bat about how and why I cannot be w/that person for any length of time, ah but then you add in the physical connection and if THAT is good, you can REALLY overlook a multitude of sins. Yes, you DO need a physical connection but that is just a distraction to what is really there, especially if you start that too early on, as most do, as we all do, as too many do? If you really wanted to find out if someone was right for you (hormones aside) you would WAIT, until you knew you really liked them as a person. Wow, I say "really" a lot don't I?
But I'm not speaking of sex here or chemistry or physical connection, (that's a different topic that I could write pages and pages about, but for a different time and place, only is a tiny part of what I'm referring to now), sure it's important but the other is far more important, no matter how sexual of a person you are (and trust me I am one, but I made a choice a couple of years ago to let my brain and heart do the deciding for me instead of my body and it was a good choice).
What I am speaking of here is blown opportunities, throwing things away over nothing. And i DO mean nothing. I have seen, heard about, watched AND experienced this myself a million times (all those combined, for the "million"). Oh sure the "reasons" are fantastic at the time and VERY logical, but what do those reasons tell you six months from now? A year from now? Five years from now? When you are STILL alone (or worse, still repeating your shitty patterns. A few months here, a few months there and then suddenly discovering or letting the bad things calculate into a laundry list that you use as proof to yourself on how it WON'T work), so what then? Are your reasons and your ego and your bullshit holding you when you sleep at night? Talking to you after work? Will they hold your hand when you die? Will they remember you? And if they do, will they remember you as anything more than a deceiver? Someone who put on an act to "get" you and then switched it all up, when the real person you were came out? But let's say that you or that other party already KNEW and experienced all or many of your flaws? And that you were already ready and willing to deal with, overlook, live w/those flaws: EVERYONE has flaws the last time I checked. You should be w/the person(s) who's flaws you can live w/the most, but that's all a matter of choice as well right?
You CHOOSE how you look at those flaws, those things you don't like, you choose to make them a huge deal, you choose to react to them, you choose every single thing about how you deal w/them AND w/the person, and same goes for them. So you are choosing the bad road. Why?? "I will purposely fuck this up and CHOOSE to look at things in a bad light because I'm"......(insert word or should I say excuses) "an asshole", "immature", "a control freak", "a superior prick (man or woman applies) OR because of my own issues. "I am insecure", "I will be derisive to anyone who has the bad taste to like or love me", "I need more from them" (but I won't ask), "I need less from them" (but I won't tell). Oh it all just goes on and on, a neverending, catch 22 loop of disastrous choices and decisions.

People looking for perfection (whatever that means, though everyone would deny that, it's bullshit, they are. they're own version of perfection) are crazy. I don't mean mentally ill, just delusional, meaning living in a fantasy land as far as this topic is concerned. They will NEVER find what they are looking for. There are no guarantees for anything. There are no guarantees that ANY of us will even be here on earth for another day, another week, another year. So in the big picture, isn't it worth it? To take that jump, that leap? To live for today. The greater the risk, the greater the reward right? So what if it doesn't work out forever, for ALL of eternity? So what? Does anything? So what is the fallout? You are more hurt, more disillusioned? You experienced a million great things that you otherwise wouldn't have? and see THAT is another lie....."better to end it now before we get too deep into this thing and then really get hurt".  REALLY??? That is the better idea? To not experience great fun, great bonding, great passion, great everything, even great arguments, great LEARNING about our own flaws, great experiences in learning what works, what doesn't, learning HOW to be a great communicator, or a better one? Yeah, sounds much better to cut it short and never really experience anything then to actually experience ANYTHING!!! Really?? Seriously?? THAT is the better option? That sounds nuts to me (and that's coming from a girl who has mostly been scared shitless of men and commitment, since her HIDEOUS marriage when she was 19 to 20 something, but I still never gave up hope, thoughts for the future, when I was healed enough. And finally I got there). So yes, i AM willing to try and to fight for something good, for great experiences, bad and good, because it's better than fighting for nothing. Flat out nothing.

My personal fav is people who "end" something, something REAL (or that was supposedly real) via the most impersonal, clinical means possible. You saw, spoke to, were involved w/this person for however long and they (or you! and shame on you if you've done this) and this person was MEANINGFUL to you, you cared about this person to whatever extent and how is all of this intimate, bonding contact ended?? Through a text message, through an email, through a post it note (that's courtesy of "sex and the city"), through a voice mail.
WTF, again WTF!!!!! is THAT??? Seriously??? You don't even have the courtesy, the character, the BALLS, the fucking manners, a heart in your chest and a brain in your head to even TELL the person face to face?? Or even ear to ear?? Talk about insulting. That is about as low as you can get, oh and god forbid you dare FIND that offensive, what is wrong w/YOU to think that is highly insulting, hurtful, MEAN and downright the epitome of having not one once of class or even empathy. Yes, I know, it's the "easy" way out, that way you don't have to "man up" or have an actual conversation about it, or explain anything or dread of dreads actually DEAL w/something "yucky" that you're not (or never have been) in the mood for. What kind of person does things like that? A VERY selfish person.

I watched this really great and funny documentary a week or so ago this British guy did on his failed love life. He was in his 30's, alone, a loser and wondering where he went wrong. Yes, it was tongue in cheek and funny as hell but also true and accurate. As I said, a documentary.   The guy was a self proclaimed loser and all of the ex's complained that he was a loser, his mom said he was a loser, so I'M not labeling him a loser to be clear. He/they said he never had a job, a car, money......was 2 hrs late for everything he did, lied, didn't stick to his word, (hey isn't that most people? haha). extremely lazy, extremely irresponsible, shit his mom (whom he still lived above in his 30's) was still the only person (himself included), who did his laundry, cleaned his disgusting place, his hygiene was BAD!!! He always looked smelly and dirty, didn't even own a hairbrush, you get the idea. Just trying to paint the picture for you, that watching it painted for me. He made a list of all of his women/girls that he had any type of relationship with, that was of any consequence in his life and set out to interview them all. to be continued.....have to go to bed, praying they saved this, i hit save like 20 times.
shit! i didn't even get to the point or the topic, so i will post this and continue in another blog, it's been sitting here for days now. ciao

Mother of Arnold Schwarzenegger's Love Child, cheating, men's taste in women,....

Mother of Arnold Schwarzenegger's Love Child Revealed - ABC News

this is a continuation of a comment i was posting on a friend's post on facebook, re schwarzenegger, she said....."Proof you don't have to be a skinny beauty to have an affair w/a movie star or politician. If I knew what I know now, I never would have let my weight hold me back. OMG. Movies lie to us. The other woman is not always young and pretty. I don't wanna be mean to this woman, but we women are being fed lies. I wonder what she did? I want her secrets. Not to snag Arnold, but I'm very curious. What say you

this is what i posted on her comment (and now am adding to it)....

it never surprised me in the least what she looked like. for one, remember what maria looked like when they married? she was chubby. she has gotten very thin and angular since, & also those kennedy's don't age very well in the face. they get especially wrinkled, probably all that time in the sun w/their football games or something. :P besides that, european men (and most men, MEN not boys, but then aren't men always boys? & some boys are more men than actual man, but that's another topic) prefer curvy women. women who LOOK like women and FEEL like women, who's bodies are DIFFERENT from their own. what man (straight man) wants to look at and feel a body that is just like his own? another narcissist? the ones who don't have been brainwashed by the media. YES there are men who prefer very thin women, or petite women, that is a preference for whatever reason but usually there is a reason BEHIND that reason, he wasn't just "born that way". it's not a man's natural reaction to want a woman shaped like a 12 yr old vietnamese boy, that is media and the man's own insecurity or wanting to feel like a "big man" AND to also be perceived a certain way in public, "look at who's on MY arm", a trophy, a prize, in his eyes. look i have this tiny rail thin girl next to me, see how big and strong i am? then again beauty IS in the eye of the beholder. one mans "hot chick" is ugly to another man and so on. for example: i think sarah jessica parker is not your classic beauty, but i think she is very attractive, she has a great smile, hair, great body, etc. but i swear to god, EVERY man i have ever heard mention her thinks she is GROSS!! thinks her legs are bony and disgusting, that she has a horse face, that her nose is too big, that she looks like a witch, that she is scrawny, on and on and on. one man told me to look at her knees, that she had the knobbiest and ugliest knees he had EVER seen in his life!! wow. i had never even noticed her knees! haha. yet robert downey jr (that YUMMY man!) was w/her for yrs and yrs, back when ben stiller had his show, he had a HUGE crush on her, and matthew broderick married her, so there are men out there who find her extremely attractive. 3rd and more importantly cheating is NEVER about the way a woman looks (unless it IS back to that ego thing), it's always about the way the woman makes the man FEEL> she strokes his ego, makes him feel wonderful, happy, paid attention to, someone she looks up to and fawns over, he feels like a hero again, like the shit. THAT is the key to the entire thing.
women ALWAYS want to know that about the "other woman". is she prettier than me? younger? hotter? better in bed? what magic does she have? what does/did she do that i don't? generally she has NOTHING that you don't, she could very well be ugly, old, anything non "hot". it IS the way she makes him feel. that is the entire deal. hook, line and sinker (again like i said there are exceptions, when a guy has more options available, more ego to feed, etc etc). SHE makes him feel the way YOU used to make him feel. like he was so fascinating and smart and cool and interesting and irresistible. besides that, some people are just cheaters, no avoiding it i suppose. no self control or WANT of self control. i'm not pinning the finger on anyone here, men and women alike cheat, i'm not taking sides w/any sex.

i've also known (and known of) MANY men who secretly fucked (or used) large women, very large women. all the men in one particular town would line up for this one girl to give them blow jobs. she was a very pretty girl, but also very large, so it was NOT okay for them to use her around others (except the other men doing it), but to use her in secret or fuck her in secret, that was okay. so is a vagina just a vagina? any hole is a good place to put it? or did they really ENJOY the whole experience? did she feel GOOD to them in private? but they just wouldn't want it to be known that that was their experience? again, much of that goes back to "what will everyone think about this", instead of "i like who i like and fuck you if you don't respect my opinions and decisions". one person i know in particular fucked her on his own time, at his own place, then later told me about it and was all embarrassed. asked me if i was "disgusted" with him.

also to be totally honest here, people that are married or together for any length of time....a lot of the sex AND romance goes out of the equation. they are busy w/their lives, w/their children (if they have any), are old hat for each other, take each other for granted, don't make an effort to keep it exciting or fresh. AND a lot of women are no longer interested in sex anymore period. they never were, or they used to be but then they got caught up in other things and the man doesn't romance them or take the time to turn them on or sucks in bed, so they avoid it or suffer through it. a guy can sometimes think "dick hard, woman ready" when that's not the case at all. our BRAIN'S are our biggest sexual organs. secondly, kissing (one of my personal favs) is not only romantic (i wanna gag every time i say that word, i'm soo not the schmaltzy girl), it is CHEMICALLY essential!! omg i would NEVER want to be w/a man, nor have i been w/a man who didn't kiss me! no way jose. not only is it a warm up, a turn on and the appetizer to the whole shebang (no pun), as i said it is chemically necessary. you know how men tend to have bigger sex drives than women? they think about it every 30 seconds or something crazy like that, and women, oh god, forgot the stats on that but it's a lot less, well because they are FILLED w/testosterone and we are not. so when a man kisses us, we RECEIVE a testosterone boost through his saliva, which totally ups our turn on factor. so men who aren't kissing or who are treating your woman like a hooker, think about that the next time you wanna get some!!
i also know women who were soooo hot for sex prior to a long term relationship or even a marriage, and within a very short amount of time they thought of it as a chore. in most cases, i again think it's because the man makes little effort to romance the woman, or turn her on mentally OR physically. one couple i know, the man's idea of foreplay is walking by his wife in the morning, slapping his dick on her forehead as she sits in a chair eating breakfast and says "suck it" or announces out of nowhere "i'm horny" and suddenly she's supposed to leap up and become a porn star. but the women are to blame as well, how often are THEY trying to turn on their men, or keep it fresh? it takes effort on both sides.

like EVERYTHING worth anything in this life, it takes work, nurturing. would you buy a beautiful, rare, exotic plant and just sit it any old place and never water it or tend to it, or give it anything it needed and then be shocked when it died or didn't perform as you had hoped? no, i don't think so.

anyway, those are some of my thoughts on that particular topic. it's extremely late, so hopefully i made sense. off to bed.

the Bachelor....here i go again...

okay folks, as i admitted, i'm watching "the bachelor" and i have to say this guy IS a prince. he is what every woman wants (for the most part, meaning maybe he's not everyone's "type" or whatever. he's not really mine, for one). HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!! i just fucking ruined it for myself. i went to the bachelor page to insert a link here, as i've seen my friend do (i think that's how he did it?) and i scrolled down and saw who he picked! dammit dammit dammit!!!! i'm only halfway through my dvr'd episode. oh man oh man. i KNEW or thought i knew he was gonna pick that girl, i was sooooo sure of it, but of course the edit it in such a way that they confuse you. like w/Survivor or anything else "reality", they show you tidbits, perhaps out of context to make you think you were mistaken. so yeah i knew he was gonna pick that girl (who also btw is SUCH a lovely girl and i don't say this about people on TV or easily. i'm a hard case where that is concerned, but she is sooo sweet and kind and real and down to earth and not in the pretend way, you can tell or i can tell that she is, absolutely. so yeah i knew he was gonna pick her and yet i just ruined ANY surprise for myself. wahhhhh. (that's my lucille ball cry, for laughs, i don't honestly do that haha, can u imagine?)
oh well, c'est la vie. no undoing it. but i was watching it and him and he is just like a dream come true. gag i know. i DON'T say this stuff, i swear i don't, especially about tv men or reality shows, it takes a lot, but he is ALWAYS sweet, courteous, kind, protective (LOVE THAT. how many men do u find these days who give a flying fuck about even the woman they are in love with? well not a flying fuck, but really there, really in love w/her, real love, healthy love, would do anything for her love, as opposed to "well i'm still keeping my own bases covered here or yeah i'll treat her as well as i need to just to keep her in the picture". i LOVE emotion from guys, i love endearments (if u are the only one getting them and they are sincere), i love being told how someone feels about you.
okay before i start swooning and needing the smelling salts here haha, this guy is like perfect! and yet still human, still flawed, so not perfect, which makes him even more perfect. i love his manners above all, his honest compassion and concern, now THAT is truly attractive in a man. remember when men were men and women were women? not in sexist or repressed roles or ways, but how we genetically WERE meant to be. least those are my thoughts. i know many were learned and put upon us but they are also ingrained in us as well. men were hunters, women were homestead caretakers and caretakers in general. i'm a women's libber, all for women's rights, believe me but i'm old fashioned too and a romantic at heart though i mostly hide it.
enough about me, my intention was to say this guy IS amazing and i fully see how all of these women, or at least a few, have fallen for him (or did), and hard! he is a gem. one of a kind (so to speak) and he does ALL men proud, he really does. hell, if i were there, i would be falling for him too. big time. that's funny because i always joke about this type of thing and would never in a million years DREAM of going onto a reality show, let alone a dating one. dr. phil tried to get me onto one of his single's show, or his producer i should say and she was VERY persistent, they even were given great gifts, travel, etc. which she hinted at to me, but there is just no way in hell, i wouldn't do it. i would much rather fall in love or find a great guy organically. that has been one of my beefs w/this show and these types of shows. you are NOT living in reality. you are in an arranged environment, being filmed the entire time, everything is not organic, and worse than that (for the love odds) you are on a "vacation" though i know the filming can be grueling. you are hanging out in a mansion, you are traveling the world, you are going out on dream dates, the best dates of your life, which of course makes it conducive for ANYONE to "fall". there is no shitty date that some cheap, rude guy planned (no money is not a must in any way, it's thoughtfulness and effort, that's how i meant cheap), and then proceeded to be a jackass ON the date and then was all over you expecting to get something even though he couldn't be bothered to show you manners or even purchase you ONE drink! wtf is that?
so yeah, you are living in a fantasy land, doing things you've always dreamed of, in gorgeous locales, w/a gorgeous guy, in gorgeous clothes and makeup and settings, you are not going to your job, you are not paying your bills, you are cocooned from any troubles. so there's that. so yeah who wouldn't dig that? then on top of that, there are the simple odds...what ARE the odds of taking ANY man or woman, no matter how terrific they and their potential partners are....and bringing in 20 odd people or whatever the number is and out of EVERYONE in the world, on this earth, your match, your soul mate being amongst that small number of people? sure i know that anyone can fall for anyone, that IS possible. any one of us could spend great, wonderful time w/another person is similar settings and spend enough time that you DO care for them, even fall in love w/them. people in this world could be finding the "one" left and right. they really could. the thing that holds most back is their laundry list, their list of the "perfect" person, the impossible demands and fantasies, THAT is what stops it. she/he is not "hot" enough, she/he is not smart or funny enough, she/he is not geographically desirable (and here i mean the people who are DELUSIONAL and expecting someone to live w/in 5-10 miles of them. really?? if it were that easy, wouldn't all neighbors and semi neighbors be in love and hooking up? that one flabbergasts me. of course it would be ideal if we all found someone down the street or in our city, but really that's very unlikely), anyway, the unlive-up-able (sorry had to make up a word) laundry list. i've seen it, i've heard about it many many times and i've done it myself i'm sure.
sooo....i really did not intend on rambling here, once again i digressed. my point was and is that bachelor guy is an honest to god peach. he really is. a PEACH!!! any girl who gets him/has him is a lucky lady, but then now knowing who he chose, HE is a lucky man as well. but why wouldn't he be? a wonderful man of such character and integrity (and physical beauty as well, i will mention that) would of course basically only be w/someone with those same qualities.
oh wait, i will say that the one thing that niggles at me a bit about the girl he chose, the lovely, gorgeous, sweet emily (i think that's her name?) is that she IS 15 yrs younger than him, if i'm not mistaken, i don't like how they do that. the women are generally in their early 20's while the man is almost 40, though i'm not an ageist. anyway, as real and sweet as she is, it nags at my brain a bit that she not only appears to have capped teeth, but also a boob job. okay it's not my place to judge or to be disturbed by any of that. maybe she had a tragic boob removal accident? had to get some new ones. perhaps she was missing all of her teeth or they resembled a pirahna's? haha. doubtful, but u get my point. hey if someone is unhappy w/their physical makeup, any part of it, i'm all for changing it, improving it, hell we all know that plastic surgery has grown by huge leaps and bounds and continues to do so. the thing that does bother me about it is if she IS so real, so down to earth, why would she feel the need (at such a young age even?) to cap her teeth, to get fake boobs? she is stunningly beautiful and pretty much perfect regardless. maybe it was society as well that told her she wasn't perfect enough? that she needed god's teeth and fake boobs to really make the cut?
yes i've rambled. again, my point was, he really seems like a great and one of a kind guy and she does as well (woman, not guy) and i'm very happy for them and i hope it works out in the land of unreality and imperfection. no sarcasm, that was sincere. :)

uh oh, do i need to proofread this now? i just found a random "so as i was saying" hanging out below this, where did it come from? ahh, im' too tired, it's too late to proofread or edit anything. besides i don't even know if anyone ever even reads this stuff. so i'm not gonna do it.
ONE DAY MY PRINCE WILL COME.........(i think that's how the song goes? he doesn't need to be a prince though. he can rescue me AND i can rescue him. equals in our royalty. ;) maybe he already has come?? :)

 ps. side note to a friend on here; ahh i'm getting it myke!! i see how you got so fancy w/your page, i'm trying to learn from you, i hope you don't mind. that doesn't mean stealing or copying, i would never do that.

American Idol...yes I'll sheepishly admit that i've watched it :(

Okay so sue me, i love music, even listening to genres and styles and yes, god forbid...POP, because i love music that much. music makes me happy. music makes the world go around and even though american idol is soooo not my type of show of am i the type of person to tune into it, i have and i am, yes, i'm slightly embarrassed to admit it but i am. so...... i tuned into this season's american idol and it's different. there was all this hubbub about the new judges, once the others left and the panic that ensued, would it be the same, as "good" (debatable how good it's ever been, no offense, it's just so pop machine, which does make me cringe, though i can appreciate talent) as it was before, as big of a hit. hiring new judges, discarding them, would they be ready in time or ready at all? gasp, the world was waiting w/bated breath. haha i'm sure they were. no, i'm not putting people down who live for this shit, just acknowledging it.
anyway, i used to tune in here and there mostly for the entertainment value of the delusional people who were tone deaf or just flat out crazy (ah c'mon, the crazy ones are the best! like that black dude who was in his 60's or something, thought he was james brown, had NO clue even what show he was auditioning for and well, basically lost his mind or maybe was looking for it, knowing it was already gone? "i will take over the studios, i will be the amercia's next..." i was waiting for him to say top model. then he mentioned universal studios. haha, that was grand!), watching them audition, so yeah that's how and why i initially tuned in. oh that was fun, especially when they REALLY thought they were the shit and well, they were. meaning shit as in dookie and were honestly shocked to hear they weren't. did no one around them EVER tell them the truth or did everyone who ever heard them sing have no tone hearing capabilities either?
then they started showing less of the bad singers (maybe due to the chick who killed herself in front of paula abdul's house? i mean sad, yeah i get it and they don't want lawsuits, etc), but occasionally you still do get to appreciate some of the hideous, delusional singers.
so what i was getting to is that this season IS different, it's a much "happier" idol. not just because simon and his dry witticisms and harsh judgments are gone but because it seems like a love fest. maybe the new judges are just happier people in general? maybe they aren't yet worn out w/the job at this juncture? doesn't everyone start a job new and fresh and excited? besides, they are working like 4-6 hr days in general, not exactly in the ditches mind you. or maybe the talent IS better this year?
another thing i've noticed (seeing now the first 2 opening episodes of them ON the stage stage, the big too doo place) is that these contestants are waaaay more confident, way more prepared, way more entertaining, way more ON, so to speak. it seems gone are the days of the timid, bad, awkward, uncomfortable first performances. these people are like singers, real singers outta the gate. no, i'm not saying they are the shit per se, just saying they are way more professional. perhaps they are working w/them a lot more prior to the big stage appearances? remember when people used to whisper, mumble or just be bad singers or were such nervous wrecks (and who can blame them? i sure as hell would be!)?
oh yeah and as i was saying is the talent pool just better all around or is this team of judges just better choosers of talent and potential?
so far, out of the guys i like that blonde, bearded, BEAUTIFUL toned guy (i'm horrible w/names), i love love the tone of his voice, so soft, sweet, melodic. nice! oh then of course my FAV is the red bearded guy who plays the stand up bass along w/various other instruments. okay THAT guy has some real talent, some FLAVOR, some cojones, some fucking blues AND soul!! very fly for a white guy. haha. cheesy i know but i couldn't resist. yep, he's the shit and i hope he wins or at least gets some modicum of fame, recognition from the show. maybe better that he doesn't win, so he doesn't have to be cranked outta the pop machine contract and can do what HE wants as opposed to what the hit makers and powers that be decide.
as for the girls, i've always loved that 15 yr old blonde girl who can sing her butt off, she's southern, sang w/steven tyler a bit, yeah, she's groovy. oh and surprisingly the other 15 yr old girl, the asian girl, who just sang "out here on my own" of "fame" fame. the old "fame" the real "fame". which is unusual to me that no one has chosen that song before. irene cara sang the shit outta that song and it's so plaintive and beautiful. so yeah that asian girl came out and started acapella (sp?) and really surprised me. she was great. let's see who else? oh i was REALLY impressed w/that bette midler type girl (they called her that), she can sing her butt off as well. nice. she was fantastic.
as for the rest of the cast (i don't know who they've narrowed it down to yet), they are mostly throwaways in my opinion, just recycling bruno mars, mariah carey, alicia keys, usher, kelly clarkson and not even living up to the original version let alone making it better.
as simon WOULD have said: very karaoke, and i agree.
so yep, that is my opinion at this juncture and it probably will not change. each season that i've seen, from the get go i have decided who i liked, who i thought was good and there i stayed, unless someone surprised me, which i can't think of any instances, but i could be wrong. stranger things have been known to happen. haha. i'm kidding. :)

my book.....

As you can see people (if there are indeed any people reading this?), I don't blog too often. One, because no one is reading any of it, that I'm aware of at least. Two, because I write things elsewhere and should be writing only for my book.
I'm told I should blog some of the things from my book, but wouldn't that take away from my book? That is FOR my book! Not just some throw away blog deal that will or won't be read and even if it were, it would be redundant right?
Ahhh, I don't even know why I'm saying this. I guess I"m saying that i should blog more but I'm not blogging for myself only. There is no point in that.

the Bachelor...the TV show...ageism?

okay i'll admit it, i've tuned into that tripe here and there, in shock, awe and disbelief. i REALLY am curious to see who, what and why ANYONE would sign up for something like that. how anyone would be that desperate or stupid (or maybe i have it wrong? maybe they are brave and smart?) to go onto a reality TV show because they can't find a good man, or woman. i hear them on that count. that's for damn sure. "there are more fish in the sea". haha right, more screwed up, issue laden FUNKY fish that you don't want. so take your pick, which are the least dysfunctional, lame or asshole-ish.
omg and my FAV part of all is after each girl has spent exactly 30 seconds w/the guy and is already in "love", he is the one, she wants to marry him, is heartbroken if she is sent home. oh nooooooo, her dream man, her soul mate is now gone. their HUGE connection is over. it's ridiculous!!
anyway, the reason i was posting something about this is that the new one just started and i tuned in to a bit of it and noticed something SHOCKING!!! i don't know what to make of it....
okay in the past seasons, the snippets i've seen, anytime a girl/guy is speaking to the camera they list their name, occupation and AGE!!! this time, there is NO mention of age anywhere. so i was mulling it over. viewers/participants must have complained? i'll tell you this, any that i tuned into in the past, i noticed that EVERY time the guy picked the youngest women, the 21, 22 yr olds, etc. even if he's 35 or whatever. i think i blogged about this before? it's so funny to me, pick the youngest girl, she will be the "sweetest" the one w/the least life experience, the one w/the least "baggage", the one who possibly looks the best and once he gets past the physicality and all of that (that's assuming HE has any substance) he will then be not only bored out of his mind, but realize how incompatible they are, they then will split up (this is in life life too, not some lame reality show) and he will either learn better and do better, picking someone more his age or will repeat the same cycle w/another 21 yr old and once they break up, scratch his head and wonder why. where did it go wrong? haha.
i'm not proclaming to be some great mistake avoider, or wisest chooser in history and sometimes it takes me ages to learn from my mistakes but i don't make mistakes in that area. i would think that would be obvious to everyone? that someone 15 yrs or more your junior (IF they are in their 20's, after that decade i don't think it matters as much or at all) will NOT have the maturity, life experience or commonalities that we do need.
so back to that dreadful show....WHY are they going out of their way to now not list the woman's age???? there is SOMETHING TO IT!! i just don't know what. was the man or even the audience complaining or nitpicking that the guy is always choosing the youngest women??
did they actually get women over 30 for once and those women protested that they didn't want their age listed every time they spoke? that would be a shocker, people actually age appropriate, or more so anyway. ESPECIALLY in the entertainment industry, in hollywood, LA, whatever you want to call it. your expiration date comes very early. your fake boobs can and will outlast you.
what ever happened to valuing age and wisdom?? even valuing women past a certain age? they do in europe and in asia, africa as well. not so much in the US, especially LA and probably NY, FL, all of the "big" cities. that's too bad.