do the majority of people get into relationships out of FEAR???

do u need another person to be happy, meaning a significant other? u know i have many friends that got married or whatever and i would never want their relationships (but then i have friends or family in amazing, happy relationships too. not many but a few). they are miserable or fight all the time or mismatched. i think THAT is the reason that so many relationships don't last, because people get involved w/someone for all the wrong reasons....because they are needy/clingy/desperate, afraid of getting old, afraid to be alone, afraid their time is running out, afraid their looks are going, afraid they won't be able to have children if they want them, afraid they won't find someone "better", afraid they won't meet someone else...... wow, most of it boils down to fear huh? i was just realizing that as i was typing. wow, that's interesting now that i think of it. most of the women i know who got married it was for all of those reasons i listed. oh someone to take care of them, that too. that was a big one for a couple of them at least. some of them had lists of the things they wanted the guys to buy for/do for them. yeah i can think of 4 of my girl friends who had that, the want of someone to buy for them and take care of them, even if they had to trick the guy to get it. lame huh? sad, dishonest and very lame.
but then there is the other side of the coin people who are SO picky that their dream person simply doesn't exist. except in a actress or supermodel or goddess but then that's perception to some degree and more importantly someone they could never get! a guy dreaming over this perfect girl thinking some rich gorgeous model will be all in love w/him when he's a broke toad who lives w/his parents and doesn't have a job or whatever and yet somehow he thinks he deserves some amazing visage of womanhood. wtf is up w/that??
in line w/the above, another big mistake people make is going by attraction and attraction only. LUST!! or their physical "ideal". if he/she is super "hot" or fit what they want physically, that's good enough for them, they will overlook everything else, it doesn't matter if they have anything in common or a brain or are a good person or a good personality or much internal stuff, as long as they look good and of course that only lasts so long too. sure i'm generalizing here but i've seen it and heard about it countless times. i have a friend who's a bassist in a band, he's really talented actually. he's fairly young, great looking, super smart, funny, cool, etc and he is always telling me how he's w/some dumb blond for years and years because she (the current one) is "so hot" and that he doesn't get tired of looking at her, but he can't talk to them, they are stupid (according to him), they are boring and horrible in bed, they have nothing in common but he never gets tired of looking at them and that is why he stays. those are his exact words. he just has great sex on the side w/someone who's not super hot. secretly of course. sad huh?
(in response to a friend's email) off on a tangent again and i didnt' even answer your question. to answer it, it's a combination of things...i've dated a LOT, too much probably in the last 10 yrs or so when i decided i actually might like someone cool in my life, not even to get married or anything, just to spend time w/or maybe even a boyfriend and it just never worked out or worked out long enough. people weren't honest about who they were and more importantly HOW they were and yeah, some might say my standards are too high but they aren't. my standards are really simple.....things like honesty, a good person, really basic shit, but in this day and age i think i'm a throwback to another time. people being honest? being real? god forbid! they will just tell you whatever you want to hear to get whatever they want to get.
no i'm not bitter or a man hater or anything like that. i think men are great. i really do. there just aren't a lot of good ones out there so i'd rather go w/out than be w/someone who's not what i want or just to be w/someone, what's the point? people can be pretty damn happy when they are on their own. lonely doesn't come from being "alone". lonely is a whole different deal.
so yeah i keep myself happy. me, my friends, my family, my interests and yes, i'm busy too.
i'm a romantic too, believe it or not. i do (or want to) believe in "the one" or soul mates, i think we all probably have a few though. i do believe in that stuff. i do believe in everlasting (or close to it) love but i also know that love and relationships take work, it's not just a magically hormonal fairy tale where everything just falls into place and no one ever fights or works at it. in fact like they say, isn't anything worth having worth the effort it takes to have it? i would think so. i'm not talking drudgery. of course you should get far more pleasure from it than "work".
that's great that your friend's girl was there for him. i know that feeling, when you see someone being really great for their significant other or you see a really happy couple or you're at a wedding and you get all choked up thinking "ahh, wouldn't that be great if i had that too?". so yeah, i believe in love, i believe in romance and all of that good stuff and i've had it. i've been pretty lucky, it's just been awhile and i hope to have it again someday. :)
and yo'ure right, you're VERY young, you shouldn't be all tied down, you should be having fun and doing what you want. that doesnt' mean be a big player and become a serial dater or whatever. still respect women and treat them right and be honest w/them and everything else. it's good practice.
haha i heard a story once about a guy who totally used and lied to a woman and moved on of course then years later he was going for this job he wanted desperately, his dream job....and turned out SHE was going to be his boss and was the one who had the decision of hiring him or not. needless to say he had burned his bridge long ago. you never know when shit will bite you in the ass.
i guess that's karma in action right there? oooh and another thing, i've had a number of guy friends who would use women and lie to them and all of that, being like "oh she knows what the deal is, i don't need to tell her" and not feeling guilty or badly in the least. THEN would come the magical day when they would meet "the one" and would be all smitten and ready to now be a good guy no matter what and the woman wanted nothing to do w/them and they were all crushed and crying about how and why didnt' she like them and how horrible it was to wait on her phone calls or wonder what she was up to and how could she lead him on, etc. etc. and i was thinking "but you never had compassion for all the girls you did that to without a thought?". karma again? i would think so.
i've gotten to the point that all of that shit: meeting, talking (if you're lucky), dating, getting to know someone, seeing if you like each other.....blah blah blah blah, has just not been worth it to me for awhile now. it seems pointless or fruitless i guess. i wish you could just hand out a resume or something or a list and ask each other if they fit it and if not just move on quickly, it always seems to turn out to be the same story or another disappointment, so i figure when/if a guy likes me he can do something about it. key word: DO!!
our current society of men has gotten sooooooo bloody lazy. they expect everything to be instant, to be handed to them, w/little or no effort. they want to text a booty call and have YOU come over even. they can't be bothered to even call or ask you out or offer to come to you or anything else, and noooo, i don't do that and yes, i DO blame women too for putting up w/so little effort that men think it's okay to behave that way, because they get away w/it. it's sad. i miss when a man was a man, but maybe i didn't even live in that era? now men want women to earn at least half of the money AND wait on them AND be their delivery girl and their instant sex girl and worship them and everything else. you sign online and instantly people are im'ing you asking if you're horny or do you have a webcam, it's offensive. without even saying hello, asking how you are or even pretending to be interested in your mind or anything else. they don't seem to give a shit about you. well seem is a bad word, of course they don't give a shit about you, they make it abundantly clear what their interests are. so 3 steps forward and 2 steps back as far as technology goes. we are more "connected" yet more separate than ever. i'm not saying that men should blindly worship women, which is more the way it used to be or maybe i'm mistaken on that?
i don't know......it's just difficult i guess. :)
but they way we are built an element of that does work and does help. men are supposed to make women feel good and vice versa but we each have very different needs.