My thoughts, whatever they may be. About men, dating, life. Makeup/skin/hair advice! you name it!

EBAY and PAYPAL are thiefs and LIARS and they suck ASS!!! big time. they are both a TOTAL rip-off.

2012-02-21T06:45:00.000-08:00

anyway, what i came on here to say (before it took a 100 yrs to be ALLOWED onto my own acct).....is that.......ebay and paypal are a RIP-OFF!!!! and you know how they basically force you into adding your bank account info so that they can DIRECTLY siphon money out of it? well i NEVER wanted to do that, was NEVER comfortable w/that, but unless you DO do it, you cannot be "verified" which supposedly is supposed to be some great treat and allow you extra special treatment and such, but it soooooooo does not.
i resisted it for a loooooooong time but they were so far up my ass about it and never let it go, that i finally "had" to. doesnt' matter if i put on 50 credit cards or even a cash balance or anything, i have to let them have my bank account info.
so recently paypal AND ebay BOTH w/out my knowledge OR permission just took chunk sums of money straight outta my bank account. i am NOT happy w/that.
okay, yes i DID sell a few things (about 5), recently on ebay and used paypal as my method for receiving money, which i thought would expedite it (as opposed to using another method or waiting for someone to send you a check, then waiting for that to clear), and i have bought tons of things through paypal and on ebay, but boy was i WRONG!!! it doesn't expedite shit, in fact it just delays everything 10 times longer than it should be.
oh man, i really didnt' want to type the entire story here about how i used paypal to print my shipping labels and packing slips (AND i paid them directly the shipping costs) and how i have and have had for years, a PERFECT record w/ebay (and paypal even), 100% positive, AAAA+++++ feedback, transactions and so on for buying AND selling, but they conveniently have a cap on those things. unless you sold something in the past few weeks, it's like you never sold anything at all. also i didnt' want to get into my PAYING paypal and ebay already for their services IN my recent selling (but they LIE about their charges and then take tons more later when the mood apparently strikes), and i didn't want to get into how paypal totally bullshits you about how and when you get YOUR money from them. they want to wait up to a month, sometimes more, to establish that you are a "good seller" or some such bullshit. even when your buyer has already received your item, given you great feedback and then some and they STILL hold YOUR money and have all their stupid reasons for it.
i understand the concept behind it and if someone IS a new seller and so on, they may be some scam artist and screwing people over, but if you have sold and followed every rule (and do the packing slip and shipping thru paypal or ebay which according to them will "speed up" the receipt of your money (when it soooo does not!) and then come to find out, after you already sold something extremely underpriced (but enough to be worth it) AND paid the shipping AND paid the 2 companies for their services in your selling and not only do they hang onto your money forever, but they also then later charge you some extra SECRET HUGE amounts and take it out of your bank acct willy nilly, wtf is that??
so yes, i didn't want to get into any of that, but i touched on some, obviously.
and i won't get into all of the details of what each site SAYS that they charge you for your listing (which i did it the cheapest way possible on every count) and what they SAY they charge you to accept money for you, but it's TOTAL bullshit. somehow they can (and do!) secretly charge you these other huge amounts that were not mentioned ANYWHERE!! let's say they say it costs $2.50 to list and sell something on ebay and you don't add ANY extras (though man they act like you can't sell shit unless you use ALL their add ons to do so, extra pictures, different fonts, blah blah blah. oh your item will NEVER be seen unless you pimp it out. more bullshit. that's capatilism for you, or should i say greed? yes i realize they are a business and they are there to make money but man oh man, they are ROLLING in the money!!! because if what they charged me and keep trying to charge me on top of that is any indication of what they are getting from everyone listing on their site, then everyone working for ebay should be a multi-millionaire!)
oh and another thing, out of all of these things that i'm NOT mentioning here (wink wink. i'm just not getting into all of the details that i could and would, did i have more time and interest in thinking about this some more) is that i always wondered and was (and am still) so irritated by the people selling things that are retail price or even MORE than retail. i always think "wtf?? that is NOT why people come on ebay, to pay the exact cost or more that they can buy it for from a store or even online AND most likely w/free shipping, whereas you see these people trying to charge $15 or even $30 for just the shipping and i'm not even talking a heavy, heavy item, it's ridiculous, that defeats the purpose) but NOW, again, having just dealt w/their rip-off-ness i now see why people ARE charging astronomical amounts for items they are selling AND i also feel REALLY badly for the people who are literally selling things (decent things, worth a lot more) for a penny or even for .99 and a lot of times w/free shipping. so they are making NOTHING. in fact they are PAYING lame ass ebay and probably pay pal as well to just sell the item. so they are spending money, not making it.
and in the past, this was not occurring, on my part i mean, i was charged (when i sold things before) the fees that they TOLD me i was to be charged. not anymore. and i sold some pricey stuff back then. an amazing camera that an ex boyfriend gave me, it was like a $600 camera and i was charged like a dollar or something to sell it. no i didn't sell it for anywhere near $600, but it sure amounted to more than what i sold recently!
so yep, now i have a little compassion for those selling overpriced items, but let's be real here, there are some people that are flat out delusional in how much they are selling things for.
let's say that a skin serum, for example, retails for $65 and their STARTING price for that item is like $80, then on top of that, they then throw in a $15 shipping fee, when you know damn well it will cost them a couple of bucks to ship it.....hell, i have paid for numerous items on ebay and wondered at the shipping costs but of course paid it, cause i was still saving money w/the total, so say i paid $8.00 for shipping, then i receive the item and see plain as day on the package that the shipping cost to them was $1.72. i get it, make money wherever you can and pad your shipping and so on, but now i see it as the GREED, unecessary greed i might add, of ebay and paypal!!! if they actually charged what they SAY that they are charging you, as you are creating the page of the item to be sold, they would STILL be making a killing, making tons of $$, but nooooo. not the way it goes anymore.
i have seen and purchased from other ebay-type sites before and had considered them in my recent selling, but i thought "no, not that many people will see the item, ebay is so huge and the main one (same w/paypal), the most used, the most convenient, the go to place and i want the best bids, the best chances in selling my item". well i'm DEFINITELY rethinking that now!
not that i have anything left that i want to sell, but in the future if i do....
oh and besides, if you do a google search or whatever, your specific item WILL be found, especially if it's rare to any degree.
oooh that reminds me, i purchased a book from ebay? amazon? something, years ago. i was searching for a book i read as a teenager or young adult and i can't recall for the life of me what it was called, so i searched by wording plotlines and so on and FINALLY came upon what seemed to be the book and i got it for a pretty cheap/decent price. sadly, only to receive it and discover it was NOT the book i had read and wanted again. was some kind of cheap looking romance type deal, so i just put it aside, never even bothered to read it or anything, but went back to searching for the actual book that i did want, only to discover that the book i bought is apparently VERY rare, very hard to come by (which i have bought a few things that were like that, took me years to finally get ahold of them and i paid fairly dearly to do so, but was fully worth it) and i discovered that women were practically losing their minds trying to find and purchase this book. i saw people saying they would pay hundreds of dollars for this old paperback, crappy looking book. so i should totally sell that huh? i have no interest in it, though now i'm thinking for the hell of it, i should at least read it first and see what all the hubbub is about.
the same was the case (before, not so much now) w/"atame" (no accent marks on my keyboard) or "tie me up tie me down", the wonderful almodovar film w/antonio banderas when he was just a young-un. i always wanted to own it but it was virtually impossible to find it, well it was impossible for years. it was never put into dvd format and any VHS' left in the world, no one was giving them up. finally i DID find it. it was selling for $80, for an old vhs. crazy huh? but it was that rare, just a couple yrs ago. shortly thereafter i found a copy and paid just under $20 for it.....1. cause i had always wanted to own it, 2. because i think it's a great film and then 3. it seemed like a good investment if that's what was going on price wise to find it, though i didn't really intend to or want to sell it, i wanted to own it, though i'm not thrilled that it's VHS, i did save one VCR, so i can watch it on that, but THEN they (whomever they is. the production co or whomever) put it onto dvd and changed the whole situation about huge prices for a rare movie.
i don't know how i moved onto rambling about that.
so to sum it up, even though i barely touched on what happened w/these companies, EBAY and PAYPAL are RIP-OFFS and liars as well. i cannot stand liars and misrepresentation more than anything, it is my biggest pet peeve in this life.
anyhoo............gotta go folks. if anyone ever reads this stuff anyway.
and IF anyone does, i wish i knew (yeah i see the view counter but is only a number, doesn't tell me much), because i have sooooooo much to talk about, write about, vent about, inform about (on my original area of expertise and why i started this blog) and so on and if i knew anyone was reading and hopefully enjoying anything i wrote, i would write a hell of a lot more. writing is a lonely profession. that's for sure. that's one thing that has slowed down the process of finishing my book. that and HOW to get an agent, a good agent, that will get your work READ!! that kinda freaks me out. how does one go about that?? anyone know? i've asked published friends, some famous writers, but they weren't very forthcoming, so i know no more than before i asked.

the internet trying to access and control EVERY aspect of your life....NO privacy whatsoever seems to be the policy....

2012-02-21T05:56:00.000-08:00

what the hell?? i couldn't even access my OWN blog account!! and as usual, w/EVERYTHING on the internet now, they wanna link up EVERY email account you have, so you have ZERO privacy left. you cant' keep anything to yourself online anymore. i hate that. hate is a strong word, i STRONGLY dislike that. i have an old ass aol account still and i check in occasionally and i went to do so tonight and it's all "new", of course another change/upgrade (so they call it) to make it IMPOSSIBLE for you to navigate anything and also to try to FORCE you into linking up your entire online life w/them. i couldnt' even go to my mail or anything else and their so called "new look" or whatever was absolutely awful.
i realize things shouldn't stay stagnate but c'mon, why continue to try to "fix" things that aren't broken and "fix" them in such a way that you don't even wanna use them anymore! geez louise man.

was just sharing my blog link on facebook and asking why...AND sprint is crazy issues

2012-01-08T04:07:00.000-08:00

blogger is SO damn hard to maneuever!! why is that? i feel like i'm stumbling around in the dark on here, other than knowing how to post. even just GOING to my own page, i have no clue how to get anywhere else.
i was just telling someone how my friend myke started his own page on here and the very FIRST day it was stunning and amazing, he had ads and photos and beautiful stuff everywhere and he was saying something like "bear w/me, i just started, am learning the ropes" and i'm thinking "wtf? it looks like he just designed a website for christian dior or something!"
OH, speaking of that, i'm due for a re-up on my sprint cell contract and today was the deadline for me to do it, to re-up my contract AND (even better) get a cool new $500 phone for FREE, so i thought about it all week, was hemming and hawing, i was all in, totally wanted to do it, then started thinking about it and possibly changing phone companies, etc etc etc. then i was like screw it, i have a great plan, there are no better deals out there, i will definitely be paying more for LESS services and so on....so when i finally got home tonight (still within deadline time), i go to create a sprint account online because customer service TOLD me to do it online so the phone would be absolutely free, instead of ordering it from them or going to a sprint store.
well, speaking of difficult to navigate sites and nightmare situations.....i created my account, selected the phone, yadda yadda, but noooooooooooo!!! sprint just loops me around in circles so many times i lost count. asking for my account number, billing zip code, i provide it all EXCEPT for the stupid ass pin number! i never had a pin number, i never created a pin number, they never even TOLD me i HAVE a pin number, i have a code word that i use to access my account when calling them and that always does the trick and i never have a problem, but NOOOOO, the website HAS to have my non-existent (to me anyway) pin number for me to do ANYTHING on the site. to view my account, to change my account, to upgrade my phone, to view anything at all besides my phone number (that i entered), to take a breath, to save starving children in africa, you get the point. that was quite the run on sentence. i specialize in those, and sidetracking, giving backstories, and so on. i like to hear and know details of everything (of any interest), so i tend to give out ALL the details that i myself would be interested in, meanwhile i'm sure the people i'm giving the details too have their eyes rolling back in their head, or read my emails, listen to my voice mails, etc as a lullaby, a cure for insomnia. ;)
haha, i'm not even joking.
oh wait, i had my enormous run on sentence and still didn't even make my point. the point IS that no matter what i did, they continued to ask for this pin number, even though i answered every secret question. the clock is ticking away, moving closer and closer to taking away my fancy ass new phone and i'm getting frantic, though i'm doing everything they're asking of me.
they give you 3 options basically when you get to the pin part: enter it, say you don't know it, or say you don't pay the bill so you don't have it and no matter which one you enter it STILL asks for your bloody pin number, so wtf IS the point of all of those options? i tried each one 80 times in a row and their magic solution for NOT knowing your pin was to text it to you, yet each time they texted it to you it was an ENTIRELY different number, i would enter it in and they would tell me it was incorrect. i would have them text it to me again and the NEW number would be incorrect. then they would tell me my billing zip code was incorrect, then they would say my account number (straight off the bill, i can read AND i can type numbers correctly AND i know my zip code, shockingly enough) was wrong. WTF?? really? THEN when i type in my secret word, they tell me it's wrong, though later i made the TINIEST bit of progress ever, because they accepted ONE of the numbers they texted to me, just to then SHOW me my secret answer, which was the one i had typed in 30 times. the exact one, but it was "incorrect". again WTF??
oh then when it actually ACCEPTS one of the trillion numbers they text me, it just goes right back to asking for my pin. wasn't that the ENTIRE point of them texting it to me? apparently not. whomever designed their website and that system of accessing your account must be getting a great laugh out of all of this. i have never experienced anything like it online in my LIFE!!! though i did just say that i have blogger navigation issues, but this is a dream compared to sprint.
so yeah back to enter your pin and no matter what i put in it's wrong. then they start telling me i've made too many attempts and they aren't going to allow anymore, even though i would close the page or go back and make a thousand more attempts and they totally allowed me to. again WTF??
soooooo........after about the first hour of this ready to pull out your hair bullshit and tell sprint to go fuck themselves, i wouldn't re-up if they delivered a brand new rolls royce to me in the morning (or a car that i would actually want), actually yeah i would re-up if they did that, but possibly would not for anything short of such a grand gesture, though of course i'll get over it by the time i wake up later on. oh yeah and it's almost 4am and THAT is thanks to sprint as well (or my determination to overcome the un-overcomeable (yeah not a word, but whatever). so yep, i finally called them and of course they are closed, i try chat: closed, email: god only knows when you'll get a response on that, i even tried the automated system on the phone, still nada.
then i even called someone to see if THEY could access their own account, they also did not have a pin number and had no awareness of it and went through the majority of the stuff i did (because i finally told them it's a circle of hell and they would get nowhere, so thanks but give up now).
so, no new phone, no fabulous "deal", sure i could buy the phone on ebay or something but it's even selling for $300 and up on there.
i still have no clue what "my" pin is or how to retrieve it in any way. now my big plan is to call sprint later today and raise hell (so to speak. i will be perfectly civil and lovely) and hopefully "make" them give me that offer even though it officially expired at midnight, but hey, THEY are the ones dying for me to renew my contract which is up and has been up for awhile and THEY are the ones dying to make money and get whatever they can outta anyone. so after what i went through (2 hrs altogether of website hell), and all i have to show for it is a backache from hell, a headache and an interruption of something i put a pause on that i was thoroughly enjoying and pissing off the person that was waiting on me.
so yeah, they'd better JUMP THROUGH HOOPS is all i gotta say at this point. utterly ridiculous!
the person i called even sent them a long email (i didn't bother, i was beyond that) detailing what we were going through and how they kept texting different useless numbers over and over that didn't work and that NOTHING worked. i could have sworn that sprint customer service on the phone (or SOMEWHERE!) was available 24/7. i think it's silly for it not to be, just imagine how much business they lose over NOT being available.
i even basically sent myself a message to request "permission" to access my own account. but i didn't get a text or an email or a phone call, so that will apparently come in a couple/few days.
ai yi yi.
so yeah that's my long, sordid, stressful (for me) tale of my late saturday night sprint game. ha. i know we ALL go through frustrations like this, sometimes daily.
for example: (though i may have blogged about this, not sure, it IS one of my biggest pet peeves though)....customer service in general in life, in stores and such. and incompetence and rudeness. not even just w/employees who are being paid to wait on you, service you, just human beings in general. it's like almost all manners have just gone out the window. people slam into you and don't even apologize, in fact, they'll even yell at YOU when they did something or give you foul looks or whatever. oh yeah, i could go on and on (obviously) about lack of manners, courtesy, customer service and all of that good (or should i say bad?) stuff. man, i go out of my way to be courteous. let's say someone DOES slam into me, which i've had happen many, many times, in the market, wherever, i even had a lady not watching her child let her child run into/over me so hard that he broke my toenail and my foot was bleeding and I apologized to her! i apologize or say excuse me or sorry or any possible kindness or manners that i can show, as a RULE! not as an exception.
and i'm not claiming to be "better" than anyone else or more mannerly (well maybe i AM claiming to be more mannerly, or at least more aware of being mannerly), but c'mon people, what HAS happened to manners, etiquette, "the customer is always right", and all that good stuff?
okay, that is it for me. i am officially going to bed. omg it's already sunday!!! this weekend flew by soooo quickly. blink and it was past.

ahh shit, i can't sleep....

2011-11-08T04:43:00.000-08:00

and i'm REALLY lagging on blogging too! behind on my facebook stuff, have over 4,000 regular unread emails, granted many are makeup things or emails telling me of sales, new products, etc.

what i REALLY should be doing IS working on my BOOK and finishing the damn thing, so i can copyright it, get an agent, etc etc.
has anyone (that might possibly be reading this) used "kickstarter" to raise funds for a project? i am contemplating that, so i could maybe take a tiny bit of time off of my TWO jobs to use towards finishing my book. i KNOW it's good, i KNOW it will sell, i just have to pull it off just right, meaning how i go about the marketing, or getting an agent/publisher, etc.
i've had calls, emails, so on from agents and publishers, i just don't feel ready yet. i want to be done done first. maybe fear of failure? fear of success? i don't know.
what i DO know is that i do have a million things to talk about, opinions and stories on everything under the sun, just my past weekend alone, but it's late and i really should get to bed, so i don't suck at work tomorrow. :)
besides, i don't think anyone even reads my blogs anyway. and thank you to those who do. i DO appreciate it. :)
ps. anyone need advice? makeup/skin/hair advice? relationship advice? i'm an expert on both, believe me!! i kid you not. ;)

OLAY Total Effects Line and Dark Circle Minimizing Brush, people there is NO such product to fulfill ANY of these claims!!!

2011-07-08T04:52:00.000-07:00

I know we all are looking for (or would simply be thrilled with...) a "magic" pill, product, a magic anything, even magic beans (well maybe not those, but hey you never know, most of us WERE (and are) raised on fairy tales, but I hate to break it to you, there is NO such thing!!!
There are products that DO help, or work to some extent or better yet, can DISGUISE such things, but that is it. It is kind of like hair conditioner, it will condition your hair per use but once you wash it again, the effect is gone. Would you condition your hair once or for a consistent short period of time and then stop, figuring the job was done? No, I think not.

Question: WHY are there gay guys who pretend they are straight???? Or go for women??

2011-06-18T01:58:00.000-07:00

No, i'm soooooooooo not being homophobic, sexist, bigoted, judgmental, none of that......
Also to be VERY clear, the particulars (and people) that I have in mind are SO not in the category of can't tell their family, can't come out, it will ruin their life or career, none of the common reasons that people don't come out.
I'm referring to people who everyone would be ENTIRELY cool w/them coming out, be supportive, wonderful (and probably not too surprised to be honest).
So why do that? Why hide it or pretend to be otherwise? I'm also not talking about people in their teens, 20's, etc. who are still confused, undecided, fighting the feelings (though fighting the feelings could apply), I'm talking about people OVER 30 who know damn well who they are and what they like and prefer. WHY NOT just come out? OR if they're not wanting to come out, then at the very least, do NOT pursue women (or men) and be very misleading and dishonest w/significant others and even themselves.
Oh and don't even get my started on the bi-sexual deal. In my mind (and maybe it is too judgmental, too ready to label, though i don't think so, i think i'm VERY compassionate, very empathetic and very understanding, but I also believe what i believe and have strong opinions about many things, so i'm just being true to myself as well right?), i was saying in my mind bi-sexual is gay. Simple as that.
I'm not referring to women fooling around w/their girlfriends on drunken nights or even non drunken nights plus people tend to look at that differently right? gay women are "hot" and considered a turn on, blah blah. i'm generalizing, but you get it. okay i'm signing off, too tired to finish this up.

High heels.....WHO came up w/these torturous things???? And must EVERYONE wear them???

2011-06-16T05:27:00.000-07:00

Okay people I'm WELL aware that men (and many women) LOVE LOVE LOVE high heels on women, yes, i get it. I totally get it. They ARE attractive, make women look "prettier", more alluring, make their/our legs look better, etc etc etc. BUT 1. they are torturous (to wear constantly) and 2. why don't they have an equivalent for men? As a matter of fact, why don't they have an equivalent for pretty much EVERY torturous thing that women wear for men as well??
Remember girdles, hoop skirts, brassieres (as opposed to the "comfy" bras we now where, I'm talking the full on hammock, sling deals that women used to have to wear), panty hose, heels again, body stockings, ummm what are those things called that are escaping my mind right now that women LOVE these days? They are like girdle panties, arghh, I sooo know the name of them but it's escaping me now. SPANX!!! that's it. yes. Okay those are not the most comfortable things in the world either. Also remember the way women used to have to deal w/their periods? By wearing those strap on garter belt, diaper-ish deals?
Yes, I'll grant you that men don't have periods so they needn't suffer through that stuff (and don't get me started on period stuff) but think about it, i mean REALLY think about it. WHAT do men ever have to wear (by choice or not) that even remotely compares to what women "have" to wear? Granted, we generally don't have to wear anything, but you know what i'm saying....
Okay, a suit, I'm sure a suit is not the most comfortable situation, especially the tie and the collar but again women have worn those as well and worn turtlenecks and tight ass collars for other fashions, so we've hit that mark too.
Back to the heels situation. Yes, I have worn heels hundreds, thousands of times in my life and still occasionally wear them and have a closet FULL of heels, but I don't wear them anywhere near what I used to, nor do I want to. If I was posing for pictures or on a talk show or something of that nature, where I just put them on for looks, where I didn't have to wear them around before and after (for long anyway), sure I'm in, but walking around in them all day/all night, (which yes, I've done recently as well), oh HELL NO!!!
The times I have in recent years, I either had to (being in a wedding or on a date or something) OR I wore some really "comfortable" heels which is relative. Let's be honest here, there are also a lot of short men out there and towering over them is not so cute in your opinion or theirs in most cases, and I'm only 5'6" but I have dated TONS of men who claimed to be 5'10" and i did NOT have heels on and yet they were exactly my height or I was even an inch or 2 (at least) taller than them. So either I become taller on dates or guys are not being totally honest about their height. :P
**** Here comes my addition to my original post on this from the other night, when I started it. I wasn't done w/this topic but it's been sitting here for more than a day, so I'll post it and continue later, if need be, but I think I made my point. :P
My main point was that it is kind of "expected" by men AND women for anyone who's stylish at all, to wear heels and they have been getting higher and crazier and PRICIER (beyond belief) and you're supposed to be a slave to fashion, discomfort or not but man, i spent soooo many years being a slave to fashion (my own fashion, not what was dictated to me in any form, sure i've liked things here and there that were in style, but that was purely coincidence, we all are influenced by something, no?) and comfort was the LEAST of my concern or desires. Look good, look good , that's all that mattered, but I"m really not big on suffering through wearing 5-6" heels all day, everyday or even once a week. Oh and the LATEST deal, for awhile now is that bloody beige pump, UBER pump that everyone and their mother is wearing, that has like a 6" heel AND the 2-3" platform at the front as well. So you are sky high up there, but I'll give them this....when you do have a platform in the front it does make for a much more comfortable shoe, you're not so much on your tippy toes, so to speak, (and they are cute but must they ALWAYS be in beige? Really people. Yawn.
So beyond the comfort level here, they are BAD for your feet, AND your body! Believe it or not, they can (and do) not only cause mega feet problems: arch issues, calf muscles that could pin a wrestler (though that is just an aesthetic), but squeezing your feet (even if they are not small in the least, they ARE your size) into pointed configurations and toes hanging over the edge and on and on, they cause your feet to be deformed to some degree and it gets worse over time. Women get hammertoes, bunions (in fact look closely at any celeb pics you might see of their feet in sandals or bare and you see even the YOUNGEST of women already w/hammertoes, bunions, perma blisters, etc. So, again, is BEAUTY/fashion WORTH disfigurement??
I have a few personal experiences w/that myself (not me, but friends, family), 2 examples: my mom AND my mother in law (may she RIP) BOTH had major feet and back problems from wearing heels all of their lives, the problems hit in their 30's and 40's and just got worse. Not to be a broken record, but hammertoes, bunions, the big toes, little toes, any of the toes being "deformed" now, from being pushed into unnatural positions for years and years. They both wore heels for fashion, my Mom because she is a highly successful business woman, has run her own corporation for going on 40 yrs, so wore heels to manage, speak to and lead her people. (haha, she sounds like moses), and my mother in law was only 4'11" inches AND loved fashion too, so she wore heels everyday of her life (that i'm aware of and that she told me, SHE had to have major surgery on her feet. NUMEROUS surgeries and still her feet were never the same, never stopped paining her and being a huge issue. My mom's feet got semi fucked up BUT the heels also messed up her back, she was FORBIDDEN by doctors (back when i was a teenager) to wear heels anymore. The highest they would "allow" her to go was 2-2 1/2 inches and she has followed that and saved herself more pain and grief in that issue.
So yeah, I'm not just bitching and moaning about something I don't want to do or don't like, because neither of those entirely fit my thoughts on the matter, I am just basically pointing out how once again followers (again, we all have been one at some point in our lives I'm sure. Even musicians are followers of all of the music THEY love, and are influenced by it, whether they know it or not, but that's another topic). So yep, people are willingly suffering and causing themselves harm and damage over something that looks good, once again. THAT bothers me, to a degree. It just does.
What is wrong w/comfort? Sure, all of my shoes (except for sport shoes) have some type of heel, just the way it goes I guess. Oh, wait, i have one pair of Skechers that are almost totally flat, made to the curvature of the foot, it feels like you're wearing nothing. Like you only have your feet on. Ahhhh, that is nice.
And yet, as I mentioned, I own TONS of heels, I am sure that I will wear them again, even do wear them now, my sandals alone have like a 3" heel on them, but I'm certainly not wearing stilettos! Maybe in the bedroom. ;)
Oh and I had a boss as well, also petite (honestly I have a million examples for this) who wears stilettos EVERY day of her life, to work, to play, to do anything and is in AGONY almost all day everyday, but to "look good", it's worth it right?
I have no clue if I'm making sense any longer, it's very late and I'm uber tired, was just trying to wrap this up....
a good night/day to all :)

tell me do people ever really look at who THEY are?

2011-06-10T06:41:00.000-07:00

or are they too busy looking at (and judging)who everyone else is? i think it's the latter. it also goes along w/the "he doth protest too much". i remember one time i dated a guy, few yrs back and he went on and on (also the braggarts, NEVER a good idea. ever ever ever!) about what a GREAT listener he was, how he was a quiet person and liked to observe people and listen to them talk and see who THEY were, yadda yadda yadda right? oh and how kind and giving he was and so self sacrificing. he also had posted a bunch of this tripe on his "about me" (or whatever it's called) on myspace, which i had read while we were dating but never gave it much thought.
OMG!!!! was it sooooooo the opposite? he was not only the most selfish person ever, but he USED everyone in his life, his friends, family, tried to even use me, that's when i was outta there. and the WORST so called "good listener" ever. he was NOT an observer, he was a dictator. he never asked questions, never listened to anyone, in fact he wanted to be the only speaker. he dared to shush me a few times (the last day i saw him and that's one reason it WAS the last day i saw him) for asking him a couple of questions.
basic shit too. how did he like his job, etc? he was not "private" he was secretive!! and secretive vs private (which most people who claim to be "private" are: secretive NOT private, what do they have to hide? obviously something.) i'm not saying put your business out there for the world to see or be an open book to everyone who ever passes you by but honestly what DO you have to hide?
i myself am a "private" person but i also am very open about who i am, what i think and if anyone asks, pretty much what is up w/me as well. painful past stuff, i need more trust to get into but i'm an open book, most people just don't care to know cause they are too busy guarding their own dirty little secrets. hmm
so after i ditched this loser guy, he emailed me few times, etc. he knew he had fucked up but i don't think was entirely sure how (and trust me, if i told u the story, your mouth would be hanging open wondering how he had the nerve to be like that, it is THAT blatant and "bad"), i went back and reread his myspace bullshit. and that's just what it was: bullshit.
EVERY SINGLE THING (good quality wise) that he listed about himself and it was a looong fucking list, he was the EXACT opposite of that. he had none of those qualities, he had the antonym? (is that the word i want?), well i said it, the opposite of everything he said he was. it made me laugh.
but i wondered then as i do and have many times......DO people really SEE who they are? do they care to see? do they simply paint a picture of themselves to themselves of what they WANT to be or want to see and then run w/that? you know like liars who believe their own lies? is it like that? they've said it so often, they now buy it too? or do they think if they say they are that, they will magically become that person?
or are they really so shallow, narcissistic, full of shit or whatever that they honestly think they ARE like that magical person? yes, i'm aware of people in the dating/mating world putting out their "best" selves at first, trying to paint a good picture to woo someone and then you find out the real deal, which was the case w/this guy. though he was too lazy to even keep up his best self beyond our first date or so and i saw the worst self ASAP!! i'm talking can't even bother to shower or brush his teeth to see me worst self, after we had this BIG day planned and i had put all kinds of time, effort and energy into it and he can't even jump in the fucking shower before i'm there? wtf IS that? i mean c'mon!
yet, what bugs me about it even further is that they are soooooooo quick to judge others, find flaw, when they are FULL of flaws themselves. on that note, i agree w/the bible saying pull the splinter out of your own eye before your pull out your brother's, or whatever it says and the judge not deal. that too. i mean that should be common sense right?
so yeah they think they are some paragon of amazing qualities but will find the tiniest shit in others (which btw, they usually have worse. i mean don't u hate the negative qualities in others that YOU yourself have? i know i do) and i know i judge people too, BUT if people treat me well......i treat them well. if they are not rude or unkind to me, i'm not rude or unkind to them. if they treat me like shit, you can bet your ass i'm gonna have something to say about it. i'm NOBODIES whipping post. i know everyone has moods and bullshit but they should expect to receive it back in kind if they can dish it out.
oooh another bad one is the cold superior deal. you know they are pissed but they won't admit it, just get REALLY cold, superior and bitchy basically and act like they are above you and not going to "sink" to this level of admitting it or even discussing it as a mature adult. wtf is that? isn't that how humans work? communicate? clear it up? admit what is going on instead of trying to act above it and claiming you aren't pissed or irked when you damn well are? then just avoiding it. yeah that solves shit alright. that's why those people are alone forever. oh god, now i'm being a hypocrite. i'm always saying how you don't have to be w/someone to be happy or complete and i mostly believe that, BUT i'm talking about chronically alone when they don't want to be. though i suppose that label could fit me at times too. ah but see, i'm human and i'll admit my flaws and shortcomings. :) (least i try anyway :P)

My thoughts on the remake of "The girl with the dragon tattoo".....

2011-06-06T02:14:00.000-07:00

i saw the trailer for the American remake last night of "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo", I have known for some time that it was being remade, even while still in pre-production, i kept saying WHY remake it, the original is fantastically good, BUT i also completely understand why they have remade it. think about it. how many americans (or non-americans) actually even SEE foreign films? very few and i think i know the very few people that DO. (some of my fav films are foreign. i go out of my way to see any foreign film that looks interesting.) so even if they have heard of the books, or even read them, it's doubtful that they have seen the film. so there is a WHOLE new audience for it and i was thinking the same, why copy it to a T, as i watched the trailer, i thought "wow, everything looks exactly the same, the locations, the characters (mostly), the story line". i am doubtful that it can be as good as the original though, then i saw who the director and cast were (while in production and thought it may work out well, or well enough) and i will probably check it out anyway, and i was REALLY in disbelief that ANYONE could play lisbeth w/the perfection, panache and mystery that noomi rapace plays her with. as roger ebert stated (i'm paraphrasing), she is THE most interesting/intriguing character he has EVER seen in a film. that is glowing praise and i think she deserves it. i tend to agree, i don't know that i would say the most interesting character EVER, but she's up there.
so we shall see......
(but it always goes back to the almighty dollar right? that is the bottom line w/EVERY film that is EVER made. money. even the ones w/artistic integrity, statements, etc. usually turn out to be about money at some point, even later on. so yep, any story that has the possibility to make money, it's gonna get churned out, as evidenced by most of the tripe that is out there, yet people still line up for it, right?) some of the worst films ever make the most money and some of the best make the least. similar to the music industry.
also look at when "psycho" was remade. it was a LITERAL remake, again i understood it was for money (which i actually paid to see it in the theater, that was a mistake, gus van sant (was him right? he's hit and miss w/me) i'm a huge hitchcock fan and that is why i did) and for an audience who had never seen it. again, along w/foreign films, many people highly dislike "old" movies. so yeah i thought that was a stupid choice and a stupid movie. why watch a 1-1/2 star literal remake when you can watch a 4 star original?

back to the weird masked man.....

2011-06-02T03:29:00.000-07:00

i got sidetracked and caught up in some other topics the other night, as i tend to do and went on a tirade about that and completely forgot about poor, weird masked man guy.
weird masked guy... .
okay when he first got there, i assumed it was a gimmick (read my other blog re these shows, it's just fodder, something funny to talk about for the most part), that he wanted to stand out.
then he never took off the mask. still hasn't, though he ALMOST did the other night. (i was wondering if THAT was a set up by the producers, the whole almost part. aw shucks, RIGHT as he was removing it, he was interrupted! anything for ratings right?) trust me, i am the biggest believer in individuality, i really am, i hate that shit about everyone wanting to look like everyone else or following styles, trends, gotta keep up w/the joneses. everyone wanting the same hair, the same clothes, the same whatever. i prefer something that only I have! one of a kind or very few of a kind.
it's just sheep stuff, as far as i'm concerned. sure, i guess we all are subconsciously influenced by things but i'm speaking about the people who CONSCIOUSLY try to stay on trend. it's beyond trends but i can't think of the words i need right now. example; the oscars, awards shows, how people TEAR people apart for not wearing something THEY think is wonderful, fabulous, perfect, whatever. how there is some level of expectation. people used to wear JEANS to those things, now it's a fucking fashion show.
i'm not dogging people who watch that stuff to see what people are wearing, i DO like clothes, fashion, my own idea of it. what i like, what i think is pretty, cool, interesting, not what i'm TOLD to like or what everyone else is wearing or what a magazine says. i used to be quite the fashion plate. i mean i'm not a slob now, but man the effort i used to put in as a teenager, from then on too but to a much lesser degree, but even then it was MY idea of what i thought looked good.
i prefer individuality. yes, i understand and agree w/the concept of people looking their best, but it's THEIR best, not YOUR best, meaning what is their concept of their best. like bjork for example. the famous swan dress. i think that is cool! sure the dress is ugly as shit, i wouldn't wear it but i appreciated the fact that she was expressing herself and not towing the line and following what some stylist told her to wear.
also take a good look at a million runway shows, have you seen some of the shit on there that passes for fashion? same thing w/art. there are some horror shows going on there, but it's about expression so i appreciate that. but someone paying 50 grand for one squiggle of paint on a canvas is INSANE to me. yes, it is perspective but it's also put on in most cases. it's pretentious, phony, etc. okay IF the artist TRULY intended that one squiggle to express something and it meant something to him/her, then i respect it, that doesn't mean i think it's talent or great, but then i can assure you that tons of people don't find things i think esthetically pleasing to be so for themselves.
sorry, the MASKED MAN!!!! i digress, digress, digress. so i thought he was trying to stand out and was then going to remove his mask once inside the house, talking to the woman alone, something along those lines.
i did find it a bit odd, but he succeeded in making himself stand out, so it worked right?
THEN he announced that no, he was not going to be taking it off until he felt the timing was right, or some such thing. i thought okay, fine. though the guys in the house were already making fun of him and making a joke out of him, picking on him. i felt kind of badly for him, but if it IS/WAS a gimmick, then he kind of made his own bed right? that's the way this world works unfortunately.
THEN he told the girl about how it was about internal beauty, personality, NOT his looks and how he was making a stand for that and i silently applauded his bravado for that, because i agree. i don't think that will happen in a million years (though the girl has kept him through 3 eliminations so far, so either it IS working and she does understand as well OR, as i mentioned, the producers encouraged her to keep him for good TV). .
i 100% agree that the MOST important thing IS internal beauty, personality, etc. i have discussed how a level of attraction needs to be there too before, so i won't bore you by going into that again.
but then it crossed the line into weirdness. he has kept it on for god knows how long (still his prerogative of course), but he really started to make himself look like a weirdo, and not in a good way. okay maybe this is judgment as well on my part? well of course it is, but that's how we are all set up, we observe things and form opinions based on whatever, or whomever we are, just how it goes. i try not to be a judgmental person but i don't know that anyone can remove that entirely from their makeup as a human being? sure if they never looked at anyone, interacted w/anyone, read/saw any media whatsoever. never left their house, never went on the internet. lived in a cave. something.
so back to my opinion on the matter, he took it beyond the level of understandable for me, though i was willing to give him the benefit of the doubt that until he was ALONE w/the woman once again, he could then remove it, he was just waiting and biding his time. i was gonna suspend my disbelief until that time, but the days dragged on. again, i have no idea how long, it could be 4-5 days, it could be 2 weeks. and he never removes it (obviously), to sleep, to shower (?), (they did show him caught on the toilet w/it on), he SWIMS in it, never removes it whatsoever, even in front of the other guys, and they are not the one's he is dating. meanwhile they are tormenting him about it. some of it is funny, some is just mean.
then, it gets worse. he is ALWAYS lurking around the house alone (i realize he's a pariah w/the guys, so he kind of has to i suppose) but it looks weird! but the part that really gets me is that his eyes are always big and staring, like a serial killer look/expression in them. well maybe not that crazy looking, but it IS disturbing!!! you know how some people have a look in their eyes that is just creepy? well he HAS that!! he just does, there is no mistaking it. i don't think he's a bad guy or anything (they do extensive background checks for any reality show, big time), i just think he's maybe a bit off?
so yeah, the creepy look in the eye's, the doing EVERYTHING for countless days and nights through a big ass mask and the lurking around the house like he's the phantom of the opera, well it's just too much and YET the girl kept him there. even though he had some "alone" time w/her, told her he had brain trauma, some accident, illness, i can't recall exactly what it was but instead of looking all touched and empathetic as she does w/the other guys when they tell her anything personal or painful, she just looked uncomfortable and her body language said it all as well, she kept her arms in front of herself and sat quite a bit apart from him, which she NEVER does w/the other guys. so i was SURE that she wasn't going to keep him there and yet she did. go figure. once again that semi cements the producer involvement as far as i'm concerned.

okay i have NO clue how go get my page layout the way i want it!!!

2011-06-02T02:12:00.000-07:00

you have to be a nuclear physicist or something to figure this shit out. i have messed w/EVERY setting on here for HOURS and can't get it set up how i want it. :(
then my buddy myke comes along, makes a blog outta nowhere and looks like his page is vogue.com or something. wtf?

does ANYONE know how to advise me? i want my blog TITLES listing on the right side of the page, like they used to be and listed by title, not by the "labels" that i put in there w/out any thought. it's so random and lame. sigh. i really don't wanna plow through all the so called options again and i'm a great computer chick! i have taught myself and others the most complicated programs w/no help whatsoever, but blogger is just too much for me for some reason.

oops, i started a blog the other night on the crazy masked man on the bachelorette and yet i went off elsewhere, here it is

2011-06-01T17:48:00.001-07:00

Ahhhh, where to start here? Don't worry I will get to Mr. Mask.
First off, let me apologize for getting sucked into these tripe-y shows. Yeah I realize a lot of people love them, watch them (hell I'm watching right?) and LIVE for this shit and I'll admit, I get sucked in too, but maybe I'm more judgmental while watching it or it's like a science experiment for me? Yeah, that is it, I'm curious. Who are these people, what are they gonna do or say or how will they act. It's just more "relationship" fodder for me, so yes I find it interesting.
Maybe I'm being a snob, trying to announce that I'm above this "tripe" or whatever, maybe I think I am? No, I don't think I'm above it, but i DO know that I would never ever ever go on ANY type of show like that or any show period. I have never been the fame whore type or the "hey look at me" type or the type sooo desperate for love that I would go on some unrealistic TV show. I'm not saying it's a setup (though sometimes I wonder), they claim it's not, it's just entirely unrealistic to think that out of 20 (??) or whatever women/men that in that group there would just HAPPEN to be the one for you. But then again, I have thoughts about how anyone could be the one for someone, it just depends on the open-mindedness of both parties. Think about that.....couldn't anyone be "the one" for anyone else? If forced together, got to know each other, whatever. Spend enough time w/anyone and won't they grow on you? I mean the odds are good, but my point w/this situation is that it IS for TV, a lot of the stuff is staged, but beyond that, let's say it's all organic, you still are spending such a short amount of time w/the people, even when it gets down to a few, but WORSE, you are having these fantasy dates, these fantasy lives (wait, didn't i cover all of this in a bachelor blog? ahhhh, i bet i did!), you are not living your real lives, working your jobs, dealing w/stress (except for who you like or don't, if you're gonna stay or go), you are going to places and doing things that are dreams coming true type deals, it's a fantasy. So even if you did by chance "fall in love" or even infatuation w/this person what happens when the show is over?
Then there comes the worst part of all. You are separated for months, are allowed some secret meetings, how is your new love supposed to withstand that? Hell, it can barely withstand seeing each other everyday. Then you have to watch the show and see everyone else he/she made out with, claimed to be all into, get all jealous, all insecure and THEN (ominous music here) you live in 2 completely different states, completely different lives and are back to reality. Work, bills, stress, LIFE and then you're supposed to move or travel back and forth, have a long distance relationship. It takes a lot of balls, sincerity and fortitude to keep that up. Sadly I don't think that many people possess those things in abundance. Even if they were ALL into that person, once reality comes back, the separation comes along, some other girl/guy hits on them, they start thinking about things they don't like, whatever the case may be. Hell something shiny might float by and they are already distracted, already one foot out the door.
What is that made up word or phrase? Stick-to-it-ness. Something like that. Who has that in this day and age? Everyone is ALWAYS ready to move on. Move on, move on. To what? To some invisible thing that they just THINK exists? To some person they THINK is great, for the moment? Back to their alone time, their solitude, just later to complain again about being lonely and not having anyone? Ready to later think "man i really screwed that up, what was I thinking?", once they are older or see that their options aren't limitless or that THEY were the nut in the "bad" relationship, OR they "wake up" too old, too set in their ways, all options are gone and then they are really screwed, the ship has sailed, because they didnt' have the character, the fortitude, the balls, the desire, the anything to work out TRIFLING issues. Things that were nothing, not even real problems. Just problems in their minds or problems w/their egos (same thing kinda sorta but not), problems w/wanting to be right, problems w/wanting to be a control freak, problems w/commitment, w/attention span, so they decided something was too much, too hard, not right, not meant to be (all said in quotations),etc. when it all could have been right, good, fulfilling and everything great but they blew it, for stupid ass or even nonexistent reasons.
Now THAT is so silly to me. No, I'm not referring to people who know right off the bat, instantaneously that someone is not right for them, they aren't attracted in the least, are completely and offensively different, don't even like each other, there is no way in hell these people would work out for them, but that is rare right? Usually it's just our snobbery dictating those things. What I AM referring to here is people who DID like each other, who did connect, who WERE attracted and had a mind connection as well, things in common, everything working for them and THEN they decided for some random reason "nah, I don't feel like it anymore, I wanna go back to my shitty lonely, boring life where I can always be right". So right yet so alone. Trust me, I've been there, I've picked apart people out of fear, of commitment, insecurity, immaturity, you name it, I've found a million reasons right off the bat about how and why I cannot be w/that person for any length of time, ah but then you add in the physical connection and if THAT is good, you can REALLY overlook a multitude of sins. Yes, you DO need a physical connection but that is just a distraction to what is really there, especially if you start that too early on, as most do, as we all do, as too many do? If you really wanted to find out if someone was right for you (hormones aside) you would WAIT, until you knew you really liked them as a person. Wow, I say "really" a lot don't I?
But I'm not speaking of sex here or chemistry or physical connection, (that's a different topic that I could write pages and pages about, but for a different time and place, only is a tiny part of what I'm referring to now), sure it's important but the other is far more important, no matter how sexual of a person you are (and trust me I am one, but I made a choice a couple of years ago to let my brain and heart do the deciding for me instead of my body and it was a good choice).
What I am speaking of here is blown opportunities, throwing things away over nothing. And i DO mean nothing. I have seen, heard about, watched AND experienced this myself a million times (all those combined, for the "million"). Oh sure the "reasons" are fantastic at the time and VERY logical, but what do those reasons tell you six months from now? A year from now? Five years from now? When you are STILL alone (or worse, still repeating your shitty patterns. A few months here, a few months there and then suddenly discovering or letting the bad things calculate into a laundry list that you use as proof to yourself on how it WON'T work), so what then? Are your reasons and your ego and your bullshit holding you when you sleep at night? Talking to you after work? Will they hold your hand when you die? Will they remember you? And if they do, will they remember you as anything more than a deceiver? Someone who put on an act to "get" you and then switched it all up, when the real person you were came out? But let's say that you or that other party already KNEW and experienced all or many of your flaws? And that you were already ready and willing to deal with, overlook, live w/those flaws: EVERYONE has flaws the last time I checked. You should be w/the person(s) who's flaws you can live w/the most, but that's all a matter of choice as well right?
You CHOOSE how you look at those flaws, those things you don't like, you choose to make them a huge deal, you choose to react to them, you choose every single thing about how you deal w/them AND w/the person, and same goes for them. So you are choosing the bad road. Why?? "I will purposely fuck this up and CHOOSE to look at things in a bad light because I'm"......(insert word or should I say excuses) "an asshole", "immature", "a control freak", "a superior prick (man or woman applies) OR because of my own issues. "I am insecure", "I will be derisive to anyone who has the bad taste to like or love me", "I need more from them" (but I won't ask), "I need less from them" (but I won't tell). Oh it all just goes on and on, a neverending, catch 22 loop of disastrous choices and decisions.

People looking for perfection (whatever that means, though everyone would deny that, it's bullshit, they are. they're own version of perfection) are crazy. I don't mean mentally ill, just delusional, meaning living in a fantasy land as far as this topic is concerned. They will NEVER find what they are looking for. There are no guarantees for anything. There are no guarantees that ANY of us will even be here on earth for another day, another week, another year. So in the big picture, isn't it worth it? To take that jump, that leap? To live for today. The greater the risk, the greater the reward right? So what if it doesn't work out forever, for ALL of eternity? So what? Does anything? So what is the fallout? You are more hurt, more disillusioned? You experienced a million great things that you otherwise wouldn't have? and see THAT is another lie....."better to end it now before we get too deep into this thing and then really get hurt". REALLY??? That is the better idea? To not experience great fun, great bonding, great passion, great everything, even great arguments, great LEARNING about our own flaws, great experiences in learning what works, what doesn't, learning HOW to be a great communicator, or a better one? Yeah, sounds much better to cut it short and never really experience anything then to actually experience ANYTHING!!! Really?? Seriously?? THAT is the better option? That sounds nuts to me (and that's coming from a girl who has mostly been scared shitless of men and commitment, since her HIDEOUS marriage when she was 19 to 20 something, but I still never gave up hope, thoughts for the future, when I was healed enough. And finally I got there). So yes, i AM willing to try and to fight for something good, for great experiences, bad and good, because it's better than fighting for nothing. Flat out nothing.

My personal fav is people who "end" something, something REAL (or that was supposedly real) via the most impersonal, clinical means possible. You saw, spoke to, were involved w/this person for however long and they (or you! and shame on you if you've done this) and this person was MEANINGFUL to you, you cared about this person to whatever extent and how is all of this intimate, bonding contact ended?? Through a text message, through an email, through a post it note (that's courtesy of "sex and the city"), through a voice mail.
WTF, again WTF!!!!! is THAT??? Seriously??? You don't even have the courtesy, the character, the BALLS, the fucking manners, a heart in your chest and a brain in your head to even TELL the person face to face?? Or even ear to ear?? Talk about insulting. That is about as low as you can get, oh and god forbid you dare FIND that offensive, what is wrong w/YOU to think that is highly insulting, hurtful, MEAN and downright the epitome of having not one once of class or even empathy. Yes, I know, it's the "easy" way out, that way you don't have to "man up" or have an actual conversation about it, or explain anything or dread of dreads actually DEAL w/something "yucky" that you're not (or never have been) in the mood for. What kind of person does things like that? A VERY selfish person.

I watched this really great and funny documentary a week or so ago this British guy did on his failed love life. He was in his 30's, alone, a loser and wondering where he went wrong. Yes, it was tongue in cheek and funny as hell but also true and accurate. As I said, a documentary. The guy was a self proclaimed loser and all of the ex's complained that he was a loser, his mom said he was a loser, so I'M not labeling him a loser to be clear. He/they said he never had a job, a car, money......was 2 hrs late for everything he did, lied, didn't stick to his word, (hey isn't that most people? haha). extremely lazy, extremely irresponsible, shit his mom (whom he still lived above in his 30's) was still the only person (himself included), who did his laundry, cleaned his disgusting place, his hygiene was BAD!!! He always looked smelly and dirty, didn't even own a hairbrush, you get the idea. Just trying to paint the picture for you, that watching it painted for me. He made a list of all of his women/girls that he had any type of relationship with, that was of any consequence in his life and set out to interview them all. to be continued.....have to go to bed, praying they saved this, i hit save like 20 times.
shit! i didn't even get to the point or the topic, so i will post this and continue in another blog, it's been sitting here for days now. ciao

Mother of Arnold Schwarzenegger's Love Child, cheating, men's taste in women,....

2011-05-27T05:18:00.000-07:00

Mother of Arnold Schwarzenegger's Love Child Revealed - ABC News

this is a continuation of a comment i was posting on a friend's post on facebook, re schwarzenegger, she said....."Proof you don't have to be a skinny beauty to have an affair w/a movie star or politician. If I knew what I know now, I never would have let my weight hold me back. OMG. Movies lie to us. The other woman is not always young and pretty. I don't wanna be mean to this woman, but we women are being fed lies. I wonder what she did? I want her secrets. Not to snag Arnold, but I'm very curious. What say you

this is what i posted on her comment (and now am adding to it)....

it never surprised me in the least what she looked like. for one, remember what maria looked like when they married? she was chubby. she has gotten very thin and angular since, & also those kennedy's don't age very well in the face. they get especially wrinkled, probably all that time in the sun w/their football games or something. :P besides that, european men (and most men, MEN not boys, but then aren't men always boys? & some boys are more men than actual man, but that's another topic) prefer curvy women. women who LOOK like women and FEEL like women, who's bodies are DIFFERENT from their own. what man (straight man) wants to look at and feel a body that is just like his own? another narcissist? the ones who don't have been brainwashed by the media. YES there are men who prefer very thin women, or petite women, that is a preference for whatever reason but usually there is a reason BEHIND that reason, he wasn't just "born that way". it's not a man's natural reaction to want a woman shaped like a 12 yr old vietnamese boy, that is media and the man's own insecurity or wanting to feel like a "big man" AND to also be perceived a certain way in public, "look at who's on MY arm", a trophy, a prize, in his eyes. look i have this tiny rail thin girl next to me, see how big and strong i am? then again beauty IS in the eye of the beholder. one mans "hot chick" is ugly to another man and so on. for example: i think sarah jessica parker is not your classic beauty, but i think she is very attractive, she has a great smile, hair, great body, etc. but i swear to god, EVERY man i have ever heard mention her thinks she is GROSS!! thinks her legs are bony and disgusting, that she has a horse face, that her nose is too big, that she looks like a witch, that she is scrawny, on and on and on. one man told me to look at her knees, that she had the knobbiest and ugliest knees he had EVER seen in his life!! wow. i had never even noticed her knees! haha. yet robert downey jr (that YUMMY man!) was w/her for yrs and yrs, back when ben stiller had his show, he had a HUGE crush on her, and matthew broderick married her, so there are men out there who find her extremely attractive. 3rd and more importantly cheating is NEVER about the way a woman looks (unless it IS back to that ego thing), it's always about the way the woman makes the man FEEL> she strokes his ego, makes him feel wonderful, happy, paid attention to, someone she looks up to and fawns over, he feels like a hero again, like the shit. THAT is the key to the entire thing.
women ALWAYS want to know that about the "other woman". is she prettier than me? younger? hotter? better in bed? what magic does she have? what does/did she do that i don't? generally she has NOTHING that you don't, she could very well be ugly, old, anything non "hot". it IS the way she makes him feel. that is the entire deal. hook, line and sinker (again like i said there are exceptions, when a guy has more options available, more ego to feed, etc etc). SHE makes him feel the way YOU used to make him feel. like he was so fascinating and smart and cool and interesting and irresistible. besides that, some people are just cheaters, no avoiding it i suppose. no self control or WANT of self control. i'm not pinning the finger on anyone here, men and women alike cheat, i'm not taking sides w/any sex.

i've also known (and known of) MANY men who secretly fucked (or used) large women, very large women. all the men in one particular town would line up for this one girl to give them blow jobs. she was a very pretty girl, but also very large, so it was NOT okay for them to use her around others (except the other men doing it), but to use her in secret or fuck her in secret, that was okay. so is a vagina just a vagina? any hole is a good place to put it? or did they really ENJOY the whole experience? did she feel GOOD to them in private? but they just wouldn't want it to be known that that was their experience? again, much of that goes back to "what will everyone think about this", instead of "i like who i like and fuck you if you don't respect my opinions and decisions". one person i know in particular fucked her on his own time, at his own place, then later told me about it and was all embarrassed. asked me if i was "disgusted" with him.

also to be totally honest here, people that are married or together for any length of time....a lot of the sex AND romance goes out of the equation. they are busy w/their lives, w/their children (if they have any), are old hat for each other, take each other for granted, don't make an effort to keep it exciting or fresh. AND a lot of women are no longer interested in sex anymore period. they never were, or they used to be but then they got caught up in other things and the man doesn't romance them or take the time to turn them on or sucks in bed, so they avoid it or suffer through it. a guy can sometimes think "dick hard, woman ready" when that's not the case at all. our BRAIN'S are our biggest sexual organs. secondly, kissing (one of my personal favs) is not only romantic (i wanna gag every time i say that word, i'm soo not the schmaltzy girl), it is CHEMICALLY essential!! omg i would NEVER want to be w/a man, nor have i been w/a man who didn't kiss me! no way jose. not only is it a warm up, a turn on and the appetizer to the whole shebang (no pun), as i said it is chemically necessary. you know how men tend to have bigger sex drives than women? they think about it every 30 seconds or something crazy like that, and women, oh god, forgot the stats on that but it's a lot less, well because they are FILLED w/testosterone and we are not. so when a man kisses us, we RECEIVE a testosterone boost through his saliva, which totally ups our turn on factor. so men who aren't kissing or who are treating your woman like a hooker, think about that the next time you wanna get some!!
i also know women who were soooo hot for sex prior to a long term relationship or even a marriage, and within a very short amount of time they thought of it as a chore. in most cases, i again think it's because the man makes little effort to romance the woman, or turn her on mentally OR physically. one couple i know, the man's idea of foreplay is walking by his wife in the morning, slapping his dick on her forehead as she sits in a chair eating breakfast and says "suck it" or announces out of nowhere "i'm horny" and suddenly she's supposed to leap up and become a porn star. but the women are to blame as well, how often are THEY trying to turn on their men, or keep it fresh? it takes effort on both sides.

like EVERYTHING worth anything in this life, it takes work, nurturing. would you buy a beautiful, rare, exotic plant and just sit it any old place and never water it or tend to it, or give it anything it needed and then be shocked when it died or didn't perform as you had hoped? no, i don't think so.

anyway, those are some of my thoughts on that particular topic. it's extremely late, so hopefully i made sense. off to bed.

the Bachelor....here i go again...

2011-03-15T03:00:00.000-07:00

okay folks, as i admitted, i'm watching "the bachelor" and i have to say this guy IS a prince. he is what every woman wants (for the most part, meaning maybe he's not everyone's "type" or whatever. he's not really mine, for one). HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!! i just fucking ruined it for myself. i went to the bachelor page to insert a link here, as i've seen my friend do (i think that's how he did it?) and i scrolled down and saw who he picked! dammit dammit dammit!!!! i'm only halfway through my dvr'd episode. oh man oh man. i KNEW or thought i knew he was gonna pick that girl, i was sooooo sure of it, but of course the edit it in such a way that they confuse you. like w/Survivor or anything else "reality", they show you tidbits, perhaps out of context to make you think you were mistaken. so yeah i knew he was gonna pick that girl (who also btw is SUCH a lovely girl and i don't say this about people on TV or easily. i'm a hard case where that is concerned, but she is sooo sweet and kind and real and down to earth and not in the pretend way, you can tell or i can tell that she is, absolutely. so yeah i knew he was gonna pick her and yet i just ruined ANY surprise for myself. wahhhhh. (that's my lucille ball cry, for laughs, i don't honestly do that haha, can u imagine?)
oh well, c'est la vie. no undoing it. but i was watching it and him and he is just like a dream come true. gag i know. i DON'T say this stuff, i swear i don't, especially about tv men or reality shows, it takes a lot, but he is ALWAYS sweet, courteous, kind, protective (LOVE THAT. how many men do u find these days who give a flying fuck about even the woman they are in love with? well not a flying fuck, but really there, really in love w/her, real love, healthy love, would do anything for her love, as opposed to "well i'm still keeping my own bases covered here or yeah i'll treat her as well as i need to just to keep her in the picture". i LOVE emotion from guys, i love endearments (if u are the only one getting them and they are sincere), i love being told how someone feels about you.
okay before i start swooning and needing the smelling salts here haha, this guy is like perfect! and yet still human, still flawed, so not perfect, which makes him even more perfect. i love his manners above all, his honest compassion and concern, now THAT is truly attractive in a man. remember when men were men and women were women? not in sexist or repressed roles or ways, but how we genetically WERE meant to be. least those are my thoughts. i know many were learned and put upon us but they are also ingrained in us as well. men were hunters, women were homestead caretakers and caretakers in general. i'm a women's libber, all for women's rights, believe me but i'm old fashioned too and a romantic at heart though i mostly hide it.
enough about me, my intention was to say this guy IS amazing and i fully see how all of these women, or at least a few, have fallen for him (or did), and hard! he is a gem. one of a kind (so to speak) and he does ALL men proud, he really does. hell, if i were there, i would be falling for him too. big time. that's funny because i always joke about this type of thing and would never in a million years DREAM of going onto a reality show, let alone a dating one. dr. phil tried to get me onto one of his single's show, or his producer i should say and she was VERY persistent, they even were given great gifts, travel, etc. which she hinted at to me, but there is just no way in hell, i wouldn't do it. i would much rather fall in love or find a great guy organically. that has been one of my beefs w/this show and these types of shows. you are NOT living in reality. you are in an arranged environment, being filmed the entire time, everything is not organic, and worse than that (for the love odds) you are on a "vacation" though i know the filming can be grueling. you are hanging out in a mansion, you are traveling the world, you are going out on dream dates, the best dates of your life, which of course makes it conducive for ANYONE to "fall". there is no shitty date that some cheap, rude guy planned (no money is not a must in any way, it's thoughtfulness and effort, that's how i meant cheap), and then proceeded to be a jackass ON the date and then was all over you expecting to get something even though he couldn't be bothered to show you manners or even purchase you ONE drink! wtf is that?
so yeah, you are living in a fantasy land, doing things you've always dreamed of, in gorgeous locales, w/a gorgeous guy, in gorgeous clothes and makeup and settings, you are not going to your job, you are not paying your bills, you are cocooned from any troubles. so there's that. so yeah who wouldn't dig that? then on top of that, there are the simple odds...what ARE the odds of taking ANY man or woman, no matter how terrific they and their potential partners are....and bringing in 20 odd people or whatever the number is and out of EVERYONE in the world, on this earth, your match, your soul mate being amongst that small number of people? sure i know that anyone can fall for anyone, that IS possible. any one of us could spend great, wonderful time w/another person is similar settings and spend enough time that you DO care for them, even fall in love w/them. people in this world could be finding the "one" left and right. they really could. the thing that holds most back is their laundry list, their list of the "perfect" person, the impossible demands and fantasies, THAT is what stops it. she/he is not "hot" enough, she/he is not smart or funny enough, she/he is not geographically desirable (and here i mean the people who are DELUSIONAL and expecting someone to live w/in 5-10 miles of them. really?? if it were that easy, wouldn't all neighbors and semi neighbors be in love and hooking up? that one flabbergasts me. of course it would be ideal if we all found someone down the street or in our city, but really that's very unlikely), anyway, the unlive-up-able (sorry had to make up a word) laundry list. i've seen it, i've heard about it many many times and i've done it myself i'm sure.
sooo....i really did not intend on rambling here, once again i digressed. my point was and is that bachelor guy is an honest to god peach. he really is. a PEACH!!! any girl who gets him/has him is a lucky lady, but then now knowing who he chose, HE is a lucky man as well. but why wouldn't he be? a wonderful man of such character and integrity (and physical beauty as well, i will mention that) would of course basically only be w/someone with those same qualities.
oh wait, i will say that the one thing that niggles at me a bit about the girl he chose, the lovely, gorgeous, sweet emily (i think that's her name?) is that she IS 15 yrs younger than him, if i'm not mistaken, i don't like how they do that. the women are generally in their early 20's while the man is almost 40, though i'm not an ageist. anyway, as real and sweet as she is, it nags at my brain a bit that she not only appears to have capped teeth, but also a boob job. okay it's not my place to judge or to be disturbed by any of that. maybe she had a tragic boob removal accident? had to get some new ones. perhaps she was missing all of her teeth or they resembled a pirahna's? haha. doubtful, but u get my point. hey if someone is unhappy w/their physical makeup, any part of it, i'm all for changing it, improving it, hell we all know that plastic surgery has grown by huge leaps and bounds and continues to do so. the thing that does bother me about it is if she IS so real, so down to earth, why would she feel the need (at such a young age even?) to cap her teeth, to get fake boobs? she is stunningly beautiful and pretty much perfect regardless. maybe it was society as well that told her she wasn't perfect enough? that she needed god's teeth and fake boobs to really make the cut?
yes i've rambled. again, my point was, he really seems like a great and one of a kind guy and she does as well (woman, not guy) and i'm very happy for them and i hope it works out in the land of unreality and imperfection. no sarcasm, that was sincere. :)

uh oh, do i need to proofread this now? i just found a random "so as i was saying" hanging out below this, where did it come from? ahh, im' too tired, it's too late to proofread or edit anything. besides i don't even know if anyone ever even reads this stuff. so i'm not gonna do it.
ONE DAY MY PRINCE WILL COME.........(i think that's how the song goes? he doesn't need to be a prince though. he can rescue me AND i can rescue him. equals in our royalty. ;) maybe he already has come?? :)

ps. side note to a friend on here; ahh i'm getting it myke!! i see how you got so fancy w/your page, i'm trying to learn from you, i hope you don't mind. that doesn't mean stealing or copying, i would never do that.

American Idol...yes I'll sheepishly admit that i've watched it :(

2011-03-04T04:58:00.000-08:00

Okay so sue me, i love music, even listening to genres and styles and yes, god forbid...POP, because i love music that much. music makes me happy. music makes the world go around and even though american idol is soooo not my type of show of am i the type of person to tune into it, i have and i am, yes, i'm slightly embarrassed to admit it but i am. so...... i tuned into this season's american idol and it's different. there was all this hubbub about the new judges, once the others left and the panic that ensued, would it be the same, as "good" (debatable how good it's ever been, no offense, it's just so pop machine, which does make me cringe, though i can appreciate talent) as it was before, as big of a hit. hiring new judges, discarding them, would they be ready in time or ready at all? gasp, the world was waiting w/bated breath. haha i'm sure they were. no, i'm not putting people down who live for this shit, just acknowledging it.
anyway, i used to tune in here and there mostly for the entertainment value of the delusional people who were tone deaf or just flat out crazy (ah c'mon, the crazy ones are the best! like that black dude who was in his 60's or something, thought he was james brown, had NO clue even what show he was auditioning for and well, basically lost his mind or maybe was looking for it, knowing it was already gone? "i will take over the studios, i will be the amercia's next..." i was waiting for him to say top model. then he mentioned universal studios. haha, that was grand!), watching them audition, so yeah that's how and why i initially tuned in. oh that was fun, especially when they REALLY thought they were the shit and well, they were. meaning shit as in dookie and were honestly shocked to hear they weren't. did no one around them EVER tell them the truth or did everyone who ever heard them sing have no tone hearing capabilities either?
then they started showing less of the bad singers (maybe due to the chick who killed herself in front of paula abdul's house? i mean sad, yeah i get it and they don't want lawsuits, etc), but occasionally you still do get to appreciate some of the hideous, delusional singers.
so what i was getting to is that this season IS different, it's a much "happier" idol. not just because simon and his dry witticisms and harsh judgments are gone but because it seems like a love fest. maybe the new judges are just happier people in general? maybe they aren't yet worn out w/the job at this juncture? doesn't everyone start a job new and fresh and excited? besides, they are working like 4-6 hr days in general, not exactly in the ditches mind you. or maybe the talent IS better this year?
another thing i've noticed (seeing now the first 2 opening episodes of them ON the stage stage, the big too doo place) is that these contestants are waaaay more confident, way more prepared, way more entertaining, way more ON, so to speak. it seems gone are the days of the timid, bad, awkward, uncomfortable first performances. these people are like singers, real singers outta the gate. no, i'm not saying they are the shit per se, just saying they are way more professional. perhaps they are working w/them a lot more prior to the big stage appearances? remember when people used to whisper, mumble or just be bad singers or were such nervous wrecks (and who can blame them? i sure as hell would be!)?
oh yeah and as i was saying is the talent pool just better all around or is this team of judges just better choosers of talent and potential?
so far, out of the guys i like that blonde, bearded, BEAUTIFUL toned guy (i'm horrible w/names), i love love the tone of his voice, so soft, sweet, melodic. nice! oh then of course my FAV is the red bearded guy who plays the stand up bass along w/various other instruments. okay THAT guy has some real talent, some FLAVOR, some cojones, some fucking blues AND soul!! very fly for a white guy. haha. cheesy i know but i couldn't resist. yep, he's the shit and i hope he wins or at least gets some modicum of fame, recognition from the show. maybe better that he doesn't win, so he doesn't have to be cranked outta the pop machine contract and can do what HE wants as opposed to what the hit makers and powers that be decide.
as for the girls, i've always loved that 15 yr old blonde girl who can sing her butt off, she's southern, sang w/steven tyler a bit, yeah, she's groovy. oh and surprisingly the other 15 yr old girl, the asian girl, who just sang "out here on my own" of "fame" fame. the old "fame" the real "fame". which is unusual to me that no one has chosen that song before. irene cara sang the shit outta that song and it's so plaintive and beautiful. so yeah that asian girl came out and started acapella (sp?) and really surprised me. she was great. let's see who else? oh i was REALLY impressed w/that bette midler type girl (they called her that), she can sing her butt off as well. nice. she was fantastic.
as for the rest of the cast (i don't know who they've narrowed it down to yet), they are mostly throwaways in my opinion, just recycling bruno mars, mariah carey, alicia keys, usher, kelly clarkson and not even living up to the original version let alone making it better.
as simon WOULD have said: very karaoke, and i agree.
so yep, that is my opinion at this juncture and it probably will not change. each season that i've seen, from the get go i have decided who i liked, who i thought was good and there i stayed, unless someone surprised me, which i can't think of any instances, but i could be wrong. stranger things have been known to happen. haha. i'm kidding. :)

my book.....

2011-02-16T23:39:00.000-08:00

As you can see people (if there are indeed any people reading this?), I don't blog too often. One, because no one is reading any of it, that I'm aware of at least. Two, because I write things elsewhere and should be writing only for my book.
I'm told I should blog some of the things from my book, but wouldn't that take away from my book? That is FOR my book! Not just some throw away blog deal that will or won't be read and even if it were, it would be redundant right?
Ahhh, I don't even know why I'm saying this. I guess I"m saying that i should blog more but I'm not blogging for myself only. There is no point in that.

the Bachelor...the TV show...ageism?

2011-01-11T02:40:00.001-08:00

okay i'll admit it, i've tuned into that tripe here and there, in shock, awe and disbelief. i REALLY am curious to see who, what and why ANYONE would sign up for something like that. how anyone would be that desperate or stupid (or maybe i have it wrong? maybe they are brave and smart?) to go onto a reality TV show because they can't find a good man, or woman. i hear them on that count. that's for damn sure. "there are more fish in the sea". haha right, more screwed up, issue laden FUNKY fish that you don't want. so take your pick, which are the least dysfunctional, lame or asshole-ish.
omg and my FAV part of all is after each girl has spent exactly 30 seconds w/the guy and is already in "love", he is the one, she wants to marry him, is heartbroken if she is sent home. oh nooooooo, her dream man, her soul mate is now gone. their HUGE connection is over. it's ridiculous!!
anyway, the reason i was posting something about this is that the new one just started and i tuned in to a bit of it and noticed something SHOCKING!!! i don't know what to make of it....
okay in the past seasons, the snippets i've seen, anytime a girl/guy is speaking to the camera they list their name, occupation and AGE!!! this time, there is NO mention of age anywhere. so i was mulling it over. viewers/participants must have complained? i'll tell you this, any that i tuned into in the past, i noticed that EVERY time the guy picked the youngest women, the 21, 22 yr olds, etc. even if he's 35 or whatever. i think i blogged about this before? it's so funny to me, pick the youngest girl, she will be the "sweetest" the one w/the least life experience, the one w/the least "baggage", the one who possibly looks the best and once he gets past the physicality and all of that (that's assuming HE has any substance) he will then be not only bored out of his mind, but realize how incompatible they are, they then will split up (this is in life life too, not some lame reality show) and he will either learn better and do better, picking someone more his age or will repeat the same cycle w/another 21 yr old and once they break up, scratch his head and wonder why. where did it go wrong? haha.
i'm not proclaming to be some great mistake avoider, or wisest chooser in history and sometimes it takes me ages to learn from my mistakes but i don't make mistakes in that area. i would think that would be obvious to everyone? that someone 15 yrs or more your junior (IF they are in their 20's, after that decade i don't think it matters as much or at all) will NOT have the maturity, life experience or commonalities that we do need.
so back to that dreadful show....WHY are they going out of their way to now not list the woman's age???? there is SOMETHING TO IT!! i just don't know what. was the man or even the audience complaining or nitpicking that the guy is always choosing the youngest women??
did they actually get women over 30 for once and those women protested that they didn't want their age listed every time they spoke? that would be a shocker, people actually age appropriate, or more so anyway. ESPECIALLY in the entertainment industry, in hollywood, LA, whatever you want to call it. your expiration date comes very early. your fake boobs can and will outlast you.
what ever happened to valuing age and wisdom?? even valuing women past a certain age? they do in europe and in asia, africa as well. not so much in the US, especially LA and probably NY, FL, all of the "big" cities. that's too bad.

the hell that is LOL

2010-12-19T02:20:00.000-08:00

okay, come on people. WHO invented "lol"? and worse, who ran w/it? are things literally THAT fucking funny that people are lol'ing every 2 seconds? i think it's the most inane asinine thing EVER. well, maybe not ever, but one of them.
i have friends who say lol at the end of every single sentence they type. "i'm going to the store lol" "what are you doing tonight lol"?
do they have any brain cells? are they mindless endlessly laughing hyenas that find every single thing hysterically funny? then the rofl, lmao, lmfao.
i seriously have NEVER used one of these abbreviations once. not once. from the first moment i saw lol, i thought "oh dear god, please no!" and it's irritated me because for one, you know it's not literal. as i said, what brainless ass is literally laughing aloud at the most inane stuff?
i swore to myself then and later that i would never use any of those terms. i also swore that i would never use ANY internet lingo or abbreviations but of course i do. hey, sometimes things just get to be too much to type and yeah, it's convenient.
so some of my friends and i (who also hate it) will say "lawl" to each other. phonetically saying it of course to make fun of it and when something is funny.
so yep, not diggin' the lol. never will.

staying up LATE!!

2010-07-20T04:30:00.000-07:00

i didn't realize it was this late. my big day off, so i tell myself i should get rested to start work again and yet i also tell myself it's my time off so i should enjoy every second. so here u have me still up. i'm tired as fuck though.
omg check THIS out!!! i don't know if i've mentioned this but i HATE HATE HATE when people (well certain people) ask me why i'm up so late or "oh yeah you're always up late huh?" but it's NOT what they are saying or asking, it's HOW they are saying it. like it's an accusation.
like there was this one guy on myspace, some band guy who was always up late like me and would email me and it would only be 12 am, 1 am, 2 at the absolute max. i don't think 1am is all that friggin late do u? and EVERY fucking time he would mention me being up late and ask me what kind of drugs i was on. every time i'd be like i don't take drugs, i dont' even drink caffeine, i'm just a night person AND i start work late and stay working late and i get insomnia too. so i told him this over and over and over and over. at first nicely and then kind of defensively, because he continued to say it a million times and THEN i was offended because he was basically calling me a liar! HE was on drugs, not me! so i was insulted.
anyway, so i hate when people ask me in a shitty, accusatory type way why i'm up so late. anyone who says it nicely or whatever, i'm cool with. i guess it just boils down to manners or intention?
sooo.....this guy that i used to date, couple yrs back has gotten back in touch w/me recently and i guess i'm ok w/being his friend and only his friend. he is kind of an arrogant prick in some ways and he has not ONE reason to be like that. he's a big skinny dork and that's one reason i stopped seeing him. his bony body grossed me out, i didn't want to touch it or have it next to me or anything, even though HE thinks he's a sex machine.
oh so he called me again recently, it was like 1am and we talked til like 2 even though i didn't want to but i was being polite. anyway, this guy said something about "oh yeah u stay up late huh"? and i was like yeah but wtf HE is the one calling me at 1am!!! on a sunday night no less.
then he asked me in that weird accusatory way why i was up so late. like what does he think? that i'm fucking tweeking or something? seriously! wtf? so he asked why i was up so late and i said i work late. i sometimes don't get off til midnight or so, so it's only an hour after that so that's really not late for me is it?
but he continued to act like i was up sooooo late. he was up after all and he acted like it was 4 am or something. i said how many people do you know who get off work at 5 pm and run home and go to bed right away or even at 7pm? he's like "oh good point, i never thought of that". no shit sherlock. anyway it annoyed me.
i'm the most honest person there is and i volunteer all kinds of shit and if i was on speed or even drinking coffee or anything else to "be up so late" i'd say so! god. people can be sooo annoying sometimes!
oh oh that asshole on myspace that i mentioned i finally every time i saw HIM on late which was all the time, if it was after midnight, i'd write him and go "what are u doing up so late? put down the crack pipe" and shit like that. i just tortured him, in a funny way. he got ALL offended even though i know he does drugs. i mean he's a musician for one and there was stuff on his page and in his attitude that told me so. then i was sick of him and deleted him. haha. someone really has to be a total tool for me to delete them, i will put up w/a lot it seems

do the majority of people get into relationships out of FEAR???

2010-06-02T01:35:00.000-07:00

do u need another person to be happy, meaning a significant other? u know i have many friends that got married or whatever and i would never want their relationships (but then i have friends or family in amazing, happy relationships too. not many but a few). they are miserable or fight all the time or mismatched. i think THAT is the reason that so many relationships don't last, because people get involved w/someone for all the wrong reasons....because they are needy/clingy/desperate, afraid of getting old, afraid to be alone, afraid their time is running out, afraid their looks are going, afraid they won't be able to have children if they want them, afraid they won't find someone "better", afraid they won't meet someone else...... wow, most of it boils down to fear huh? i was just realizing that as i was typing. wow, that's interesting now that i think of it. most of the women i know who got married it was for all of those reasons i listed. oh someone to take care of them, that too. that was a big one for a couple of them at least. some of them had lists of the things they wanted the guys to buy for/do for them. yeah i can think of 4 of my girl friends who had that, the want of someone to buy for them and take care of them, even if they had to trick the guy to get it. lame huh? sad, dishonest and very lame.
but then there is the other side of the coin people who are SO picky that their dream person simply doesn't exist. except in a actress or supermodel or goddess but then that's perception to some degree and more importantly someone they could never get! a guy dreaming over this perfect girl thinking some rich gorgeous model will be all in love w/him when he's a broke toad who lives w/his parents and doesn't have a job or whatever and yet somehow he thinks he deserves some amazing visage of womanhood. wtf is up w/that??
in line w/the above, another big mistake people make is going by attraction and attraction only. LUST!! or their physical "ideal". if he/she is super "hot" or fit what they want physically, that's good enough for them, they will overlook everything else, it doesn't matter if they have anything in common or a brain or are a good person or a good personality or much internal stuff, as long as they look good and of course that only lasts so long too. sure i'm generalizing here but i've seen it and heard about it countless times. i have a friend who's a bassist in a band, he's really talented actually. he's fairly young, great looking, super smart, funny, cool, etc and he is always telling me how he's w/some dumb blond for years and years because she (the current one) is "so hot" and that he doesn't get tired of looking at her, but he can't talk to them, they are stupid (according to him), they are boring and horrible in bed, they have nothing in common but he never gets tired of looking at them and that is why he stays. those are his exact words. he just has great sex on the side w/someone who's not super hot. secretly of course. sad huh?
(in response to a friend's email) off on a tangent again and i didnt' even answer your question. to answer it, it's a combination of things...i've dated a LOT, too much probably in the last 10 yrs or so when i decided i actually might like someone cool in my life, not even to get married or anything, just to spend time w/or maybe even a boyfriend and it just never worked out or worked out long enough. people weren't honest about who they were and more importantly HOW they were and yeah, some might say my standards are too high but they aren't. my standards are really simple.....things like honesty, a good person, really basic shit, but in this day and age i think i'm a throwback to another time. people being honest? being real? god forbid! they will just tell you whatever you want to hear to get whatever they want to get.
no i'm not bitter or a man hater or anything like that. i think men are great. i really do. there just aren't a lot of good ones out there so i'd rather go w/out than be w/someone who's not what i want or just to be w/someone, what's the point? people can be pretty damn happy when they are on their own. lonely doesn't come from being "alone". lonely is a whole different deal.
so yeah i keep myself happy. me, my friends, my family, my interests and yes, i'm busy too.
i'm a romantic too, believe it or not. i do (or want to) believe in "the one" or soul mates, i think we all probably have a few though. i do believe in that stuff. i do believe in everlasting (or close to it) love but i also know that love and relationships take work, it's not just a magically hormonal fairy tale where everything just falls into place and no one ever fights or works at it. in fact like they say, isn't anything worth having worth the effort it takes to have it? i would think so. i'm not talking drudgery. of course you should get far more pleasure from it than "work".
that's great that your friend's girl was there for him. i know that feeling, when you see someone being really great for their significant other or you see a really happy couple or you're at a wedding and you get all choked up thinking "ahh, wouldn't that be great if i had that too?". so yeah, i believe in love, i believe in romance and all of that good stuff and i've had it. i've been pretty lucky, it's just been awhile and i hope to have it again someday. :)
and yo'ure right, you're VERY young, you shouldn't be all tied down, you should be having fun and doing what you want. that doesnt' mean be a big player and become a serial dater or whatever. still respect women and treat them right and be honest w/them and everything else. it's good practice.
haha i heard a story once about a guy who totally used and lied to a woman and moved on of course then years later he was going for this job he wanted desperately, his dream job....and turned out SHE was going to be his boss and was the one who had the decision of hiring him or not. needless to say he had burned his bridge long ago. you never know when shit will bite you in the ass.
i guess that's karma in action right there? oooh and another thing, i've had a number of guy friends who would use women and lie to them and all of that, being like "oh she knows what the deal is, i don't need to tell her" and not feeling guilty or badly in the least. THEN would come the magical day when they would meet "the one" and would be all smitten and ready to now be a good guy no matter what and the woman wanted nothing to do w/them and they were all crushed and crying about how and why didnt' she like them and how horrible it was to wait on her phone calls or wonder what she was up to and how could she lead him on, etc. etc. and i was thinking "but you never had compassion for all the girls you did that to without a thought?". karma again? i would think so.
i've gotten to the point that all of that shit: meeting, talking (if you're lucky), dating, getting to know someone, seeing if you like each other.....blah blah blah blah, has just not been worth it to me for awhile now. it seems pointless or fruitless i guess. i wish you could just hand out a resume or something or a list and ask each other if they fit it and if not just move on quickly, it always seems to turn out to be the same story or another disappointment, so i figure when/if a guy likes me he can do something about it. key word: DO!!
our current society of men has gotten sooooooo bloody lazy. they expect everything to be instant, to be handed to them, w/little or no effort. they want to text a booty call and have YOU come over even. they can't be bothered to even call or ask you out or offer to come to you or anything else, and noooo, i don't do that and yes, i DO blame women too for putting up w/so little effort that men think it's okay to behave that way, because they get away w/it. it's sad. i miss when a man was a man, but maybe i didn't even live in that era? now men want women to earn at least half of the money AND wait on them AND be their delivery girl and their instant sex girl and worship them and everything else. you sign online and instantly people are im'ing you asking if you're horny or do you have a webcam, it's offensive. without even saying hello, asking how you are or even pretending to be interested in your mind or anything else. they don't seem to give a shit about you. well seem is a bad word, of course they don't give a shit about you, they make it abundantly clear what their interests are. so 3 steps forward and 2 steps back as far as technology goes. we are more "connected" yet more separate than ever. i'm not saying that men should blindly worship women, which is more the way it used to be or maybe i'm mistaken on that?
i don't know......it's just difficult i guess. :)
but they way we are built an element of that does work and does help. men are supposed to make women feel good and vice versa but we each have very different needs.

check this out...i saw this guy's profile...

2010-05-25T18:42:00.000-07:00

Why You Should Get to Know Me

...bullshit. We're made to answer stupid questions that really don't bring us closer to anyone, and instead have the opposite effect of pushing us away. I see a lot of women that I'm attracted to; women that by virtue of their smile, or their beauty - what's attractive to me - make me want to email them. But then when I read their profile, I read that I'm 3 inches less in height than she's wanting, or 4 years too old for what she's looking for, blah blah blah. But is that truly what matters...what matters more than anything to that person? I don't know. But because she answered the way she did, I decide not to email her and thus nothing is potentially begun between us.
And here's the crazy as shit sad thing for that woman - or man, because I know many women are thinking the same thing about what us men answered - and that's that she has no idea who the hell I am, or what I've done with my life. She has no idea how much money I make. She has no idea that I could be a millionaire with an amazing job, and that all I'm wanting to do is settle down and buy a house and start a family...or help put my new girlfriend - her - through her master's program. Or that I own properties in Europe and live there 6 months out of the year?
Where's that box for me to answer those important questions on this site? Because let's be honest...isn't that what's most important; knowing that as a woman you'll be taken care of? That he's financially secure? (If that's what you're wanting, which come on...it is.) That he's got a great job, lives a certain type of lifestyle, has no debts, and flys all over the world whenever the hell he wants?
Instead, none of you will know any of that stuff. All you'll know by looking at my profile, for example, is that I don't fit your "answers"; I'm 3 inches shorter than you say you want, or 4 years out of your age range. So don't you think it'd be better - when making an informed judgement on someone - to have all the facts? I do...but call me crazy. I didn't create this site, I'm just trying to improve it and expose it's flaws.
Tell me, knowing someone has no debts and a net worth of 3 million dollars wouldn't perhaps influence your choosing to email that guy back or not...even if he was 4 years older than originally you were seeking?? But let's go ahead and reject everyone based on the less important stats..because yeah, I'd much rather be with a woman that fits my exact shopping list, then someone with whom I really might get along better with, if I knew the important things about her. (Does she have a good job? is she a woman who wants to change the world? Does she just want her man to work? Did she marry stupid, get divorced, and now needs a man to help her out?) But I'll never know so long as we're made to write down the most shallow crap about ourselves, instead of the revelatory stuff. (Religion aside because I do think that's important to people. Not to me, but most people require you be of the same faith as them. Zzzzzz to that. Yeah...thanks for all the wars, religion! Good for you!)
If you agree with me - great - if not, then I don't care. I really don't. If it takes 1000 silly, insubstantial women to be pissed at me, just to get to the one cool girl that agrees with me, I can more than live with that. Oh yes, I can. Cheers!

More About What I Am Looking For

You know, it'd be nice to meet a kind woman. Someone who isn't self-involved. Someone who asks as many questions about me, as I do about her.
37 year old Man in Los Angeles, California

Looking For: Women for a short term relationship or a long term relationship
Kudos: 0 Give kudos

Height:	5 ft 8 in / 172-175 cm
Body Type:	Slim/Petite
Hair Color:	Brown
Hair Length:	Short
Eye Color:	Green
Eye Wear:	Either
Location:	Los Angeles, California (22 miles from you)
Last Visit:	Within the last 3 days
Relocate?:	Maybe/Yes
Occupation:	Writer
Education:	BA/BS (4 years college)
Ethnicity:	Caucasian
Speaks:	English, Portuguese
Religion:	Other
Status:	Single
Have Children:	No
Want Children:	Maybe
Cigarettes:	I'm a non-smoker
Booze:	I'm a light/social drinker
Drugs:	Don't use drugs

You

Age between:	30-39
Within:	any distance
Education:	BA/BS (4 years college)
Religion:	Agnostic, Alternative, Atheist, Buddhist/Taoist, Protestant, Spiritual, Other
Ethnicity:	Asian, Black, Caucasian, Hispanic, Other
Body Type:	Slim/Petite
Have Children:	No, Yes. We sometimes live together.
Want Children:	Maybe, Yes
Drugs:	Don't use drugs
Smoking:	I'm a non-smoker
Drinking:	I'm a light/social drinker

Ageism. One of the last acceptable prejudices!!

2010-01-26T06:41:00.000-08:00

yeah, it's true and unfortunately pretty sad. well, all prejudices are sad, are they not? i was watching "the bachelor" (yeah chortle at me all u like but i do like some cheesy tv and reality shows. i either find them entertaining, interesting OR so badly "funny" or "interesting" as in a train wreck or something of that nature. i know a lot of people like to watch silly or lame people to feel better about themselves. like jerry springer fans, most probably feel superior knowing that no matter what may be wrong in their own lives that at least they are nowhere near as "bad" or embarrassing as all the folks on springer.
oh. so as i was saying, i was watching "the bachelor" earlier tonight and i don't know the exact age of the bachelor guy but i DO know that he's in his 30's. maybe 35? 31? who knows. but the point is that he IS in his 30's and almost EVERY woman, or girl should i say is in her 20's, her EARLY 20's!! wtf is that?? why would a guy (or anyone for that matter) want to spend the rest of their LIFE w/someone who is a decade to 15 yrs younger!?? no, i'm not an ageist and sure you can have stuff in common w/people of almost any age and i'm not against people dating or marrying someone much younger OR much older. i do think age is just a number in many ways.
BUT let's be realistic here too....this guy is planning to MARRY whichever woman he chooses and how much can you have in common, but more importantly life experience w/someone who is a decade or more younger than your age? not to go back and forth, but again i'm ALL for learning new things from people and not being so identical in experiences that you are the bobsy (is that the right word and/or spelling) twins. i think that is one of the best parts of a relationship, turning each other onto your own views, tastes and experiences.
that being said, i think that people w/that big of an age difference will most likely not have enough in common or work out in the long term. an old best friend of mine used to always tell me that it's CRUCIAL to find someone who has a very similar life experience and even upbringing to yours. meaning that it can't be so foreign (in fact, she felt that if anyone fell in love w/a "foreigner" that it wouldn't work unless again you had very similar life experiences. i don't know that i would agree w/that. i think that relationships work out and don't work out based on sooo many factors and you can't pigeon hole everything to that degree. but hell, maybe she's right? i don't know) because you will basically never "get" each other enough.
ok back to the age difference thing: let's consider the maturity factor alone. HOW is someone in their early 20's (even if they are the most mature person in the world) going to have the maturity and even depth of a 30 something? they won't basically. THEN let's consider the changes factor. think of how much you change from your 20's to your 30's. what a different person you are. they say your 20's are for figuring out WHO you are and i agree. even if your tastes stay the same and so on, you don't. even your life usually changes hugely. because the more you live, the more you learn and the more you shift in who you are.
let's say that i'm a 28 year old woman and i get involved w/or even marry an 18 year old man, though i would still consider him a boy, emotionally anyway. again, could be a VERY mature guy and sure that might help a lot but in general.....of course, we could and probably would have all the attraction and chemistry in the world. the sex could even be mind blowing. well i would certainly hope so! :P and let's say that we have TONS in common, same film taste, same books, same sports, same music, even a very similar upbringing right? (and this may be an asinine statement due to the staying power of ANY relationship these days) but how long would it last? even if he has had jobs before and his own place briefly and maybe even been in love before, he would have VERY different experiences and views on those things. let's say he thinks you should blow every paycheck that you make and the money for rent or bills will "take care of themselves" when the time comes. OR (and this is very common) he is so new to relationships that he totally romanticizes them (i'm a romantic too, i get it. but i'm also a realist) and he thinks that love and relationships take NO work at all. it's just happy fa la la all the time and if you have to discuss or argue about anything or any problems arise, even about the toothpaste or whatever then he's like "oh this is too hard or we're not meant for each other because everything is not dream world every second". ha! i had one younger boyfriend who told me that it was a FACT that if you have to work on ANYTHING in a relationship or it is difficult for even a second that you just weren't meant for each other and there is a magical person out there that IS meant for you, where everything will just be peaches and cream and smooth sailing. haha. i asked him what he was smoking.
true there should be far more good than bad and if you're at each others throats about everything, you're probably not a great match but come on! it's like having a job. do you expect to go there and lollygag around and socialize all day and just get to your work if the mood strikes? of course not. to get almost anything good in your life, it takes work. hard work! and a lot of it. sure some people get lucky or i would call it more happenstance, because i think in general we make our own luck and the harder we work the luckier we get.
haha. here i am debating w/myself. but i was thinking all of these things (and more) while watching that show. who knew "the bachelor" was capable of inspiring deep thoughts?
ok i'm gonna stop rambling. i'm afraid they aren't going to save this, as i typed some last night and some right now. i should post it.

is it me or are people sniffing too much glue?

2009-12-31T02:53:00.000-08:00

i have seen some "friends" posting day after day shit on obama and how he's doing this or that (foul thing) and he's guilty of treason and on and on and on.
ok i DO keep politically aware, though i am the first to admit i'm not as informed as i could or should be at all times. hell i have a life after all.
BUT i know enough to know that these people are fucking high!!! they also claim that W. was some amazing president and ask what did he possibly do wrong? basically that he's some kind of fucking saint 8th wonder of the world.
it would take me all day or more to list that for them.
i respect everyone's opinions. well, most....total dumb asses, no i can't, but i still will try to see where they are coming from AND i respect everyone's freedom to voice their thoughts, views and opinions but come the fuck on!!
am i wrong here? wait, i guess that's not the point, i'm not trying to be "right" i'm simply trying to be logical.
the things they say and the way they act is as if someone burned down a building right before your eyes, there were tons of people witnessing it, talking to you about it, you SAW it, you could even watch it on the news and look it up online, etc. and you're insisting that the building never burned or worse that the building never existed. wtf people?
i guess there is something to living in a fool's paradise. :)

Skin Care and Exfoliation tips!! feel free to ask for advice!

2008-08-25T02:07:00.000-07:00

the reason hope in a jar is so great, other than the rave reviews and the amazingly reasonable price for a high end product, is other than the antioxidants, etc that are great for your skin but it's mainly the lactic acid and the other aha's that REALLY help out our skin. one of our main skin issues is the build up of dead skin, which we develop at an amazing rate, daily...... it causes acne, lines, our sun spots and damage are sitting on the surface as well as underneath, depending. also dullness, uneven pigmentation and texture. it's HUGE, but especially as we get older, it slows down our new skin renewal rate and even worse, our own natural sloughing of the dead skin. that is why I get dryness and some peeling and such on my own skin!
so with the lactic acid (The best aha) and the other ahas, it is MAKING the skin then renew and make ready to shed that dead skin. which it can do on it's own, but i think that everyone needs to exfoliate as well, to help it along cause it's still too slow. and as i mentioned oprah uses this cream and i NEVER see A DROP of dead, peeling, dry skin on her face! granted she has the best of everything and surely gets great facials and all to take care of that.
some of that stuff is hype and bs though, that's what i hated when i was working for cosmetic companies. lying about stuff that doesn't work. sure some does, but the cellulite stuff no, it can create a SMOOTHER appearance, because it's caffeine which is a diuretic and makes the area lose water so it's doesn't look so bumpy. get this, i was working for christian dior, lancome, guinot, etc in bev hills and there is a famous famous dior ad for their cellulite cream that was in vogue and all the huge magazines for years back in the 90's, maybe even now and we had one in our store. it was a pic of a "woman's" ass and long, beautiful, thin, perfect thighs. just that, no face, no body and she had some fabric, i think it was orange? draped around her vagina area and of course cosmetic co.s use false advertising all the time which i wonder how they can, i know it's a fine line...for example EVERY mascara ad, every one i've ever seen....the model/actress ALWAYS has false eyelashes on in the ad or on tv. every time. and yet they can pretend it's just the mascara. how do they get away w/that?
sooo.....that pic, that ad, he legs/butt were incredible and i used to always look at it and go "man that cream must really work!" then at one point, the dior reps came in to give us product classes and tons of gratis, man i LOVED the gratis! nothing better than free makeup/skin care. so dior was out and one of the reps told us that "woman" in the cellulite ad was a 14 yr old girl!!! figures huh? once again a lie to make us feel not beautiful or perfect enough.
ok yeah so the lactic acid is great but you always have to make sure it's a high enough percentage to be effective, cause most aren't. but even w/that i recommend exfoliation, at least twice a week, depending on skin type, more for oily skin. and i DON'T like the ones that are too creamy or the exfoliation delivery is too tiny, it's not enough. and the creamy thing is a cheat, leaving on a residue so your skin feels all soft, making you think it's from getting the dead off, when really it's just the leftover emollient on your skin surface. and i like one w/a stronger grain BUT you have to be careful, some are apricot shell kernels and such which are TOO hard and too sharp and are cutting and damaging your skin, almost microscopically, but still damaging and yes, visible to the eye, upon close examination
. i really like the mary kay microderm system. i can see the results RIGHT after using it. so much dead skin is cleared off that i can then sit at my magnifying mirror and all these pores are now free and cleared up, well, meaning all the dead skin blocking the surface of them is gone. or a good amount of it. and THEN i can "empty" my pores, do extraction very easily, wheareas i couldn't before, with too much blockage with the dead skin.
ALL my life, since i was a kid, i ALWAYS gave myself facials. i would steam it over the stove, exfoliate, masque, etc and i swear that's when my skin was pretty much always amazing. then i stopped for the most part some years ago. it's rare that i ever use a masque anymore. once in awhile i will use a moisturizing masque, when i'm dry and flaky and dull looking, but i stopped the thing that i had done my whole life! and duh! it finallly hit me! why did i stop? my skin was much better when i was. i'm now getting back into that. funny considering i've spent years giving people facials. even my son! he would bitch and moan when i'd insist, cause he'd get blackheads, not a lot, and congested pores, a few pimples....so i wanted to clean that stuff out for him. he HATED the extraction part but i would do the whole kit and kaboodle too. the steaming, the cleansing, masquing, exfoliation, so on, and then the massage, the best part, which is soooooo good for your skin, circulation, removing toxins, keeping it firm, moist, pliable, youthful. but feels amazing too. so he loved the massage so much and i do back of neck, top of shoulders, scalp, occipital bone.
any skin, makeup or hair questions....if anyone out there is reading this, please feel free to ask me!
thanks

Miley Cyrus' "NAKED pictures" in Vanity Fair........

2008-04-29T03:19:00.000-07:00

well, as everyone knows, miley cyrus posed for pictures for vanity fair, with and without her father. now everyone is in a HUGE uproar saying that they are too provocative, too sexy, too "exposed", too old for her, that now she is a bad influence, that she is going the way of all the teenage celeb sluts. and on and on and on. as usual. what a puritan society we live in!! and while i'm NOT advocating it and saying it's the best thing ever, ONLY because of her very young fans, i'm also not a prude, freaking out over a 15 year old girl ENTIRELY covered by a sheet! all you can see in the photo's is her upper back!! not a hint of a breast! not any stomach, not any ass, not anything but back!! have we NOT seen her back in perhaps a tank top or something else?? and no, i don't watch the girl or her show, but i've seen her around. and i know i've seen her a FEW times in skin skin tight pants. doesn't that offend everyone as well? i would think a camel toe would be waaaay more offensive than shoulder blades!!
while i agree that i'm sick and tired of EVERY star and young star especially, and basically everyone in magazines, TV, films, the music industry, all media and so on, (even young girls walking around in the world in general. older girls and women too,) ALL having to end up being about sex.......and i hate to say it, but that is the world we live in and we ALL well know....... sex sells!!! and sells VERY well!! our media is FULL of sex. and we all buy it and view it and basically condone it, so we can't pick and choose when it's convenient to us. i'm also for freedom of speech, the press and people doing what they want, though i don't always agree with the choices by a long shot. i'm wondering why people are so upset about it or think that it's so wrong?
is it because of what everyone was saying on the news and the morning shows? or because you are truly offended?
it IS a sexy shot, but it is also an art shot, annie liebowitz does that stuff all the time and has been for years, hello naked, pregnant demi moore? which also had people in an uproar. OH MY GOD, a naked, pregnant woman!! how horrifying!! and our corneas weren't burnt off? small wonder.
in miley's pics you can't see ANYTHING. yes, it's meant to allude to naked under a sheet or sexiness, but it's by far the tamest "sexy" shot i've seen of ANY teenage star! she is also a developing, hormonal teenager who is NOT a little girl anymore. and she didn't regret it at all (nor did her parents or handlers) until all the backlash and now she's groveling out apologies left and right. and so is annie liebowitz. not to mention, as you know, her parents, and adult handlers were all at the shoot and saw all the proofs and approved them. little girls grow up and WANT to be a little sexy. NOTHING was shown. but i also am NOT happy w/everything having to be about sex. but what about the pics of britney on the cover of rolling stone when she was what? 16? and lindsey too, in all her various stages of undress. and i DO think that miley is very grounded and has full family support and complete involvement with her life and career, so unlike other child stars and won't end up like those other trainwrecks that only care about marketing their kids.
so i'm torn on where i stand. i know everyone is all pissed off because of her young children fans, BUT that is why it's not in tiger beat or whatever. what little kids read vanity fair? and once again, as always it is up to the PARENTS to censor what their kids see, watch and are exposed to.
what i find most disturbing of all is the violence that is ALL over the TV, video games, movies, commercials, magazines, everywhere and everyone seems to be soooo cool w/all of that. we see heads blown off (in iraq alone! supreme violence sanctioned by OUR country) and blood and gore and unspeakable things constantly, but hey, who cares about that? it's all fine. but god forbid anyone ever knows about bodies or sex!!
every kid i've ever seen is allowed to play violent video games and fake kill each other and watch violent cartoons and movies but the SECOND there is sex or a hint of sex shown they are all forbidden. why is that?? and THAT is why the kids today are sucking dicks in bathrooms in junior highs and everything else. #1 because of the parents who let them see everything and/or #2 because it is sooo taboo that of course they are gonna run out and mess around with anything that's kept from them. only a few fools run out and actually kill each other because it's daily fare for them, they are used to it. it's not kept from them.
but i don't EVER hear or see parents in an uproar over ANYTHING violent and the second someone's shoulders are shown, it's a disgrace. look at the janet jackson/superbowl debacle. those kids were all allowed to watch men ram and slam each other and be ultra aggressive and yet to see ONE boob, holy mother of god!! didn't they see boobs when they were breastfed? or even when their mother was naked at some point in the home? and yet people were protesting and saying how that one breast scarred and ruined their children for life! a breast? really? a breast is a god given thing. the human body is beautiful and natural and meant to be appreciated. whereas violence is NOT. violence was created by man, but that all seems to be cool. seems pretty backwards to me. how twisted everything has become.......

NEED Makeup tips? Skin care, hair tips????

2008-03-17T00:03:00.000-07:00

IF you do, please ask me!! I am the expert!!!, no ego intended, i just am. i have spent my WHOLE life learning and working on all of those things. so please feel free to ask me!!!

Tilda Swinton at the Oscars.....

2008-03-02T19:44:00.000-08:00

ok, i respect and admire tilda swinton, think she is a great actress, BUT......oh wait, first let me state that i DO like when people wear different things to the oscars, don't try to follow some "fashion clone" rule or something. wee NEEDED bjork to wear the swan deal! who wants to see everyone always so boring, perfect and predictable? now having said that, there is interesting and unusual and then there is just plain UGLY!! or even fugly! WHY could she not be bothered to at LEAST put on some mascara!????? that's all i'm asking! OR even a drop of lipstick? something! anything. seeing her w/NO makeup at all. w/lips the color of her face, her lashes and brows invisible, blond, was bad enough. looked like she had just recovered from the plague. and THEN, oh yes, it gets worse!!! that dress, oh my god! was like a hideous, black, silk potatao sack that she then cut one arm off of! i'm sorry, as i said, i like her, but did she NOT have a mirror? or anyone that saw her? she woulda looked better had she wore a wet suit! anything. come on tilda, no need to follow the trends, but also no need to set out to make yourself look as hideous as possible. but kudos, you couldn't have done a better job. IF i see you out in public, i will hold you down and force some lip gloss or blush on you, so watch out!

SOME of my thoughts on dating, internet dating and otherwise......

2008-02-25T23:46:00.000-08:00

(first was a response to an email i received from a guy)
i'm NOT looking for someone perfect, i'm not perfect, no one is and it would be boring if anyone was. nor am i looking period, for men (or dates) but then again, if someone great came along, i wouldn't turn them away. but i've had it w/men for the most part. and you are right, almost everyone and everything is about looks. which totally sucks but it's a fact i've mostly accepted, as lame as i may think it is. trust me, i DON'T find it flattering when everyone under the sun is trying to screw me or whatever and it's ALL based on looks. they don't give a * who i am, it's about a pretty face or a trophy or some equally lame bull * . or they "want" you, until they get you, that is. or get what they wanted. OR tried to get what they were after and got fed up and split when you wouldn't give it. and they will lie, scheme, flatter, promise and everything else under the sun to get it to try and get it. and then guys talk about women who are whores or easy when THEY were in on it too. or better yet, the ONLY reason the woman gave it up was cause the guy put on such a great show about how much he was into her! i won't even get into all the crap I'VE been told! even a guy i JUST met THAT night then "planning" our future! how the next night we were doing this or that and then the weekend we were then doing something else and what WE were doing the following week. and i was thinking "hes' insane!" and needy. and where does this guy get off planning our lives and assuming we are a couple, and how am i going to get out of this, 'cause i don't even LIKE HIM!? turns out, was ALL his little routine on how to get what he wanted. none of it was genuine or anything else, he just figured if he made future plans and acted like we were now a couple, i would then give him what he wanted. absolutely crazy. and i didn't even catch on for some time. i was so worried w/how i was going to make him go away, til i then noticed that i never heard from him again! whew! still lame and insulting though! but i have to say i was soooo not into this guy and that i also couldn't imagine that any other women were lining up for him either, that he probably figured that he HAD to have some big, phony, lying repertoire, cause it was the only way he might ever get any.
and age IS just a #. i don't care about age, but generally i hit it off a LOT more w/people my age or younger. interest wise. but once again, being blatantly honest here....sorry i don't have time or the inclination to be "nice" or diplomatic all the time, but i can tell in a hot second (and that is due to much practice AND trial and error from when i was on the internet AND dating) if i'm attracted to someone or not (even from pics online, as old or as "good" as they might be, i can tell asap). and i've never been wrong. there have been many times that i thought "well i might be attracted later". or "i really love their personality and /or talking to them" or "they are so good on paper" but it never came. i know if it's there or not. and it sounds hypocritical coming from me, cause i get SOOOO fed up w/all the visual, shallow bull * that men (and women), but mostly men do, but by the same token, i'm not asking for a greek god or a model. i don't care if someone is a dream physically, that is not it. BUT if i'm not attracted i'm just not, nothing i can do. but i think others standards are soooo bloody high that it's impossible. they want a playboy bunny but then get sick of her cause she has nothing to offer beyond the looks. then they say they want brains and personality but "aren't attracted". that they want it ALL in one package, ain't gonna happen!! so no one wants to let anything give on their laundry list of qualities. and i always say the same thing "that woman/man does NOT exist" and they disagree. i say "i'd like to see where you stand on all these things when you are 60 and alone and don't have your looks anymore to plow thru them all". i'm NOT by any means suggesting that anyone should be w/someone that repulses them physically. but that is a FAR cry from what actually happens. and it's almost ALL visual w/men. and i know women have their crap too, but i'm just tired of it all period.
i've had people i could have "settled" w/myself. could have been married a number of times, in fact, but in the long run, why would i want to? cause they were hot? or had money? or could make my life easy? or "take care of me"? or any other reason? NO. i'd rather be alone.
i DID date a guy from this site. a very nice guy, total gentleman. he's 53 (and i will only date so much younger, 9 years younger is almost too much for me) but i have to say that it DOES disturb me when men will date up to 20 yrs younger and more. i think it says a lot about the guy. that HE can pick and choose years and years younger, cause the women his age are too smart for them or "old bags" or whatever the case may be. they want someone to look up to them? i don't know, but it bothers me. i think if it randomly happens, fine, but them constantly searching out much younger women is telling.
but the guy i dated from here, i KNEW i wasnt' attracted to him. though i thought i might be able to be cause i enjoyed talking to him. he wasn't ugly and i was semi attracted to his pics BUT his pics are at least 10 or 15 years old, so it was false advertising. so i felt deceived on that count. granted most put up really good pics or whatever and i don't ever expect (out of experience) someone to look quite as "good" as their pics but they should at least LOOK like their pics! or have been taken in the last couple of years! but i guarantee you his are that old, or more. i wont get into the details of why. but i'm positive. you have a full head of hair then it's magically gone! overnight? nope, don't think so. and that's not the only reason, but whatever. anyway, i had numerous dates w/him and his age didn't bother me at all, what bothered me is that i didn't ever want anything to do w/him physically, not even hold his hand. HE didn't repulse me but the thought of us doing anything did. but more than that (otherwise i still might be seeing him), HE had a thing for much younger women and i then discovered why.......he was a TOTAL know it all. he would "lecture" me on any and every topic. it was NOT a conversation, it was a monologue, every time he got onto any topic. he wouldnt' allow me to interrupt him (until i learned and almost started shouting to interrupt and /or trying to change the topic asap before i fell asleep during another "class") and he assumed regardless that only HE was the expert on that topic. though i knew about everything he talked about. but he WANTS someone who's dumb or uninformed or someone to look up to him, hence the much younger thing. like "hey aren't i great? don't you enjoy my lectures"? don't you love listening to me go on and on for days and seeing how smart and informed i am"?
and no, i didn't at all. it was extremely annoying. and THAT turned me off more than anything. that and the fact that he NEVER once asked me about me. period. knew nothing about me! finally i asked him if he cared to know about others, and he said he had read my page online, so that he DID kow about me. so i guess he was done? that was enough info for a lifetime. so he was perfect "on paper" right? well, in many ways. WHEN i was allowed to talk, the conversation was good. so should i settle for him or anyone else just cause they fit a couple of things that i want? or cause i might not find someone else? or because i'm getting older or some nonsense? no. not gonna happen. and even IF i am alone at 60 or 70, i don't care. would much rather that than be w/someone that i'm not into or have no chemistry with or who annoys the hell outta me! would be like jail.
people get involved probably 97% of the time for ALL the wrong reasons anyway. attraction (that fades or can only go so far), loneliness (don't want to be alone. can't be alone. terrified to be alone. and every other alone theme out there), someone who can be a trophy and impress the public or their friends. an ego boost "hey, look who i can get, aren't i cool?" or they want someone to take care of them financially. or their biological clocks are ticking. or they think it's their last chance. or the person is "almost" good enough. no wonder no one ever stays together. it is the exception NOT the rule that 2 people are "soul mates" or truly in love, truly meant to be together. cause we live in an instant gratification society. and a throw away society. "hey once i get sick of him/her, or it's not working out, or even better yet....... once i meet someone i like a lot more, i can always just leave. divorce, break up, whatever" and i think it's all very sad.
i guess internal beauty REALLY doesn't account for much. anymore. if ever....

Makeup, Hair and Skin advice for you!!!

2007-09-22T02:42:00.000-07:00

Hello all,
I am a very experienced AND talented Makeup Artist, Esthetician and a Cosmetologist. I have every base covered. ;) I have been doing all of the above for over 20 years, the majority of my life. I am here to help any of you with skin, hair and makeup questions and advice. Please feel free to ask me! I have worked in salons and spas, high level Cosmetic companies as well as in the "industry". I worked on films, TV, print, music videos, etc.